extremely desperate for them but can't find them: hugs ..

Basically i was emotionally isolated for a long period of time and never had much physical-emotional contact in my adult life.

I am 25, virgin and never have had a girlfriend and doing NoFap i evoked two deep repressed desires: to be hugged & to be loved...

So far so good...However.. while doing NoFap in the past two years i didn't have this deep desire that i have now (before it came and went and didn't bother me), it began on March after a friend gave me a deep heart-warming-loving-caring hug (which wasn't sexual, we're good friends) since then I've jumped at every opportunity for hugs be it from men or women, its the emotional connection and lack of emotional isolation that helps me here... I can't stop this feeling ' i want to be hugged'..

I don't know how to approach women, i guess i need to educate myself in that department but i believe that won't be happening in the near foreseeable future..

I feel jealous yet happy when i see other people hugging, I've nearly asked the people i see the most whom are my co-workers for a hug, just flat out i wanted to ask 'can you give me a hug?' but i stopped myself because if i did that - that's a red line to be crossed and an action with severe consequences if interpreted incorrectly, no going back from it..

My main source of hugs are family members/parents and whenever the opportunity rarely presents its self, i am just lonely and need to meet that special someone already (i am not looking at the moment until i finish my masters..)

Any observations about this? anyone else went through this with circumstances similar to mine?...

 

During my first week to joining here I was given a unexpected hug by a girl I knew in my local bar. She hugged me so tight and I reciprocated it was the best few seconds i have had in a long time. I thought wow. I then looked back and realised its something like maybe 4 years since I hugged. Apart from hugging my kids which is totally different. Id been clean 1 week then and in that brief moment I realised Pmo, p, e. Is just disgusting. Ive since danced with her on another occasion. Again while in my clean streak. Human touch beats pixilated P everytime.

 

Im pretty much like yourself, same age and similar experience except 1. I'm not a virgin. 2. I don't even get hugs from family and friends not because they are like that but they know IM not a touchy feeling kinda dude, I feel embarrassed about that sort wof stuff but I wouldn't turn down a hug with an attractive female. You're still young and theres plenty of experiences you will have no doubt and the one your after right now will happen. But you need to be happy with yourself and by yourself, girls love detachment even when you're with them. I'd say be the person you want to be right now, fake it to make it as they say, if you keep telling yourself you're awesome you're great, and you're a beast you might actually display that on the exterior, females as you know are a complicated creatures, its best to learn about them from people who have a long experience with them, longer than me thats for sure, and they'll point you in the right direction. They say girls like confidence but when they say that they are being really vague, they like if a man acts like he doesn't give a shit and need them and won't fall under their beauty spell, how many dudes can tell a hot girl that she isn't as special as she thinks she is and tell her theres the door, use it if she gives you attitude, their eyes will light up. Now all you need is a place to meet them, the typical places would be coffee shops, bars, malls... if you're desperate go to a night club, its not my scene anymore but the first time I've gotten laid was with a decent looking girl who was 3 years older than me at the time at a rave. Not sure if this helps but cheer up, you seem like a cool dude I like you're avatar as Im huge fan of DBZ, to be honest msot of the time I'd prefer to chill with dudes cause they're into the stuff Im into and I find myself bored chilling with girls, I've actually blown a few girls off who wanted to hang out in my life time to go home and play video games. But thats just me.

 

So awesome to know I am not weird/crazy for having these desires/cravings for hugs and I agree with you that abstaining does attract people to us and it does actually work .

I can't wait to meet that special someone...But what exactly do you mean by the hermit thing and getting disconnected? (sorry I don't understand the analogy, English is my 3rd language).

Amen, nothing beats a warm loving hug.. I just can't explain it. I am shocked by the fact that currently I am on my longest streak since February and I will maintain it (so many awesome things happened during this run and I am not going to let my AP down or myself down!!).

I am not that cool dude, I don't go to parties or nature parties/raves and I don't drink alcohol so I stay away from clubs, I think the best outlet for me to meet woman with similar vibrations as mine is by going out of my comfort zone and enlisting to courses/activities that has similar people.. I was thinking of becoming active again in the local community center and volunteering there, I know plenty of people and there are some that always try to hook me up with other women to marry...I've been offered brides several times and I've been hit on & asked/taken on dates by several women but I always just end up friend-zoning them because I am shy and too afraid to allow them to come close to me and engage in a relationship.. That part I don't know how to surpass..

Oh and dude I used to be like that too, the guy that refused to be hug and my relatives would always avoid giving me hugs/kisses on the cheeks when I was addicted to pmo, and they past two years they realized that I love hugs and I always get them now and its not awkward, I have a large extended family and they all reside in another area that's several hours away from me so I only get to see them on weekends).. next week's holiday is gona suck for me though its holidays and we're going to sacrifice and I am probably not going to go because I have a paper to finish writing and if I go I won't do anything lol. I love what you said about women they are different creatures there is an awesome book that am pretty sure you've read about it (men are from mars and women are from venus), I still have a lot to learn and to invest in myself, people tell me I act like a father but I think I need to cleanse pmo out of me before I am prepared to start a family (if I don't mean that special someone.. I know it sounds lame, I can sort out an arranged marriage in less than 3-2 weeks.. But I don't want to go down that path).

oh yeah I like dragon ball z too, I used to watch it a lot when I was younger, don't really like the new stuff and I found this picture to be pretty cool . Check out team four star XD.

Nothing could be fake about hugs, though, if someone touches you without showcasing any emotions of love of affection then it feels cold and that's how it would be interpreted (which is a true emotion ), I like the idea of giving away free hugs :_) that's beautiful.

 

So, about 2 months later, I rode out this emotion.

Now, I still get hugs - there is no change in my relationship status and I am much closer to finishing my m.a, but the desire of 'constantly wanting to be hugged' comes less frequently, I still jump at every odd chance I can get for a hug from anyone, but it doesn't bother me too much anymore.

That first hug in March was probably the most powerful one I've had, she hugged me again around October and it was just as much powerful, I did a comparison and neither my parents, siblings, relatives, friends or co-workers can give that much level of embracing love with a hug, she set the standard really high for me, maybe i'll meet someone that can offer that level of love :_).

In the mean time I am focusing on my paper, I still lay in my bed fantasizing about a future wife to fulfill my desire for love, but I agree with many of the above posters - us men can't really display these type of desires in front of other people, especially women. I haven't spoken about this subject with anyone and I never will, I still have a lot to learn.