extremely picky - high standards?

@CallmeCat from my readings and my personal experience I can tell you that Porn and PMO are addictive hence the addiction to either one or both; this is science, you can look into YourBrainOnPorn.com .

My only other experience with addiction has been with smoke, I quit long time ago; I am a social drinker and I don't do drugs of any kind. It is my belief, not science, that Porn addiction is actually worse than drugs, smoke, alcohol since there's no physical medium; the addiction goes from the outside (the videos) to the brain directly through the visual system which is directly wired to the brain with no interpretation. Still to this day I can barely believe:

1. my addition to Porn and frequent PMO lead me all the way to PIED
2. my addiction to Porn fed by addiction to sex that led me to certain choices in my realationships that now in retrospect I see were not really great choices
3. how fast my conditions (PIED, brain fog, impaired choice) improved once I quit porn.

Telling an addict that their addiction is only lack of self control is not fair; the lack of self control is a symptom of the addiction.
I have been diagnosed with Severe Clinical Depression and now I believe that my Depression was a symptom of my Porn addiction and Sex addiction; again this is not science, this is my belief.

Not sure what you mean by mental, the very first time I watched porn it was a choice, but then once I got hooked and addicted, I no longer had control, so choice was not part of the process; that's what an addiction is.

Because of my PIED it was relatively easy to quit porn, I now hate porn. But for about 18 months when I was dealing daily with my ED, I was clueless (or in denial) about my relationship with porn. And when I was smoking it took me years to finally quit, and I wanted to quit so badly; but I couldn't.

And, about smoking, the more my wife at at the time would ask me, beg me, show me proof of how damaging smoking was to me... it made no difference to me; maybe made the addiction worse. Only when I wanted it very very badly, because I felt I had reached bottom, I was finally able to quit.

I can only tell you my experience, my opinion, and the science that I have read.

Your experience as the SO of an addict is different, and while I can understand that it's not easy, I don't have much advice to give you.

P.S.: My last 2 girlfriends were also addicted to Porn; which didn't make things easy for anyone.

 

Good grief; show a little more support for someone who wants to change, will you?