Facetime everynight.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Passion5star, Sep 28, 2021.

  1. Passion5star

    Passion5star Fapstronaut

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    Hey brothers! I may have done myself a disservice, maybe.

    For the last 3 weeks I’ve been on FaceTime every night with a really beautiful girl. Nothing sexual or anything just talk. She is incredibly gorgeous and that isn’t something I can avoid seeing unless I put down the screen. However certain things she’s saying ‘I love you and your energy’ does give me erections, a sense of excitement but not a fast beating heart or brain fog. I’m getting morning wood the morning after. Could this be due to new seeing her on screen? Im wondering if all the onscreen time is downregulating my dopamime buildup and affecting my progress. She does try and flash occasionally but I’m irresponsible to her q’s which probably lets her know not to do it again lol. Not because I don’t want to because I do but because I look away as I know it’s stimulation I don’t need or even want, I want a real world thing. Thing is she’s invited me to her house this weekend. What if I show up and perform but I’m back at square. Or perhaps I’m overthinking it all - a little feedback would help brothers.
     
    MsteiN likes this.
  2. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    You need to decide what it is you want.

    If you want to beat PIED/ED the stimulation through FaceTime is definitely slowing you down.

    If you want to be intimate with her, you can but run the risk of setting your progress back.

    Read this next sentence carefully:

    It is very unlikely that you will be able to be intimate with this girl without paying some kind of forfeit or cost.

    By this I mean, it is going to be difficult to both be intimate and keep your progress. You’re effectively straddling the fence, flirting with your streak, attempting to have your cake and eat it.

    There is no ‘right or wrong’ answer. Do what works best for you.

    Let us know how it goes.
     
    MsteiN likes this.
  3. Passion5star

    Passion5star Fapstronaut

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    I’m going to be honest, because of the stimulation I’ve had through the last month and day I’ve ive ended up having three wet dreams - one I just woke from half an hour ago. I’ve had some crazy sexual energy in the last two days. I can’t say the dream were remotely sexual because it seems I was walking up a road I didn’t recognise with a P shop in mind - I’m really not too sure. I woke as I felt it happening and stopped myself fully ejaculating somehow, bro it’s fucking weird! The last two days, especially yesterday I wasnt sure what I found attractive I just had a crazy feeling down there. Brain going nuts with all kind of imagery and strong feelings which I haven’t felt in months if I’m honest. A nocturnal emission is a nocturnal emission but it felt totally strange - like STRANGE! Being honest with myself I believe (although tonight I haven’t used FaceTime to talk with her) that it is affecting me in a semi-negative way. I say semi because of how weird this is! I’m wide awake right now even after two hours sleep - strange as I said. I just don’t know if I’m here or there right now. Your post has given me some clarity on the situation - what little clarity I can actually have right now and I fully appreciate that bro thankyou.
     
  4. A Naija boy

    A Naija boy Fapstronaut

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    Rather than FaceTime, why not meet her physically?
     
  5. Passion5star

    Passion5star Fapstronaut

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    I don’t want to thwart my progress bro, I’d rather no FaceTime tbh
     
  6. A Naija boy

    A Naija boy Fapstronaut

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    I see
    Well, i wish u success bro
     
  7. Passion5star

    Passion5star Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate that my bro. I don’t do FaceTime now. If it isn’t the real world I don’t want to know. I’ve come too far to mess up now. I’m finishing this marathon and that’s all there is to it. Stay up bro!
     
  8. MsteiN

    MsteiN Fapstronaut

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    We have here 2 separate situations with the same person, the first is the virtual estimulus that can be a problem to your journey and the second is the real life contact that i see as a good thing for your progress, doing the thing in real life can be good to help you differ the illusory estimulus from PMO and the real sex and intimacy with a person
    The way to go is within you, anyway you choose you must weigh the beneffits and costs of the course of action
     
  9. ProminentPosterior

    ProminentPosterior Fapstronaut

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    In my experience, being with someone coming off an ok streak made it much easier to abstain from porn. Before I knew it I hit over 3 months without it. I felt happy and confident.

    If you opt to be intimate with her and you have “issues”, be as honest as you can without spilling you getting off to grannies on motorcycles. Idk… Tell her it might take you a while for your ding dong to go King Kong because he’s shy. In the meantime, your hands and mouth should work just fine ;)

    Meet up in person and if it goes well tell her you wound up liking seeing her more there than through the phone. That way you can transition into having your stimulation from her to the 3D realm and off the screen.

    That being said, it sounds like a lot of fun and a great opportunity! Hopefully there’s more to be had than just the “stuff”.
     
  10. PegasusKid

    PegasusKid Fapstronaut

    So you don't want to facetime a real girl, but you don't want to meet her either because it'll "thwart" your progress? What progress exactly? If you're not masturbating to her nudes or anything else for that matter, everything else sounds pretty normal and I think the only real issue is that you think there is an issue with being turned on by a real attractive woman. If you're worried about semen retention, its an esoteric topic. Most of the benefits are anecdotal right now and the science just doesn't really know much conclusively about how it affects personality, productivity, mood, muscle growth etc. Lack of evidence doesn't mean evidence won't be discovered one day or that its just placebo but I'd be careful about making big life decisions based on something that may or may not be a real thing. With that being said there is no evidence its bad either so feel free to experiment if you're really that curious. Also, I feel like your perception of facetime is a bit distorted. Its probably the most personal way to talk to someone besides actually being there physically with them as you get to talk and see their face. You would not physically be with a partner 24/7 anyways(or that would cause other issues) so I don't really see the issue here except how you see facetime in your head. Calling and texting aren't much different.

    Nofap doesn't mean you deny the fact that you're a man and see erections and arousal as evil or bad. Also, morning wood is a sign of good erectile health, not the other way around. As for the whole dopamine regulation thing, oxytocin is also a hormone that releases when talking to people. There's nothing wrong with talking to someone and feeling good talking to them. Doing nofap but trying to avoid anything that could release dopamine or make you feel good defeats the entire purpose of addiction recovery which is to actually enjoy life and be able to do the things you once struggled with, like forming connections with women in this case. Are you just gonna not do anything too exciting until you feel you're ready? I think you're missing the forest for the trees and focusing more on doing nofap right than the overall goal of this whole thing in the first place which is to live a better life ultimately. This is all just my opinion obviously and at the end of the day its up to you to reflect on why you're actually doing this and whether or not this actually violates your values and goals or if you just feel like you're supposed to not like this because its the sentiment the community tends to echo.

    TLDR cause I realize this is a lot: I think you're fine and have a good opportunity as long as you're not using porn or masturbation to satisfy these feelings(which are perfectly normal, hormonal feelings). Facetime is fine imo especially if she actually wants to meet in person, facetime is just a form of communication like calling or texting which you'd have to do at some point anyways. Erectile arousal is fine, it's literally proof you can get hard without porn. I think everything you described is healthy and normal and the only issue is your perception of these things.
     
  11. Passion5star

    Passion5star Fapstronaut

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    I hear what you are saying here. But to be honest I’d rather just focus on myself and my growth until I’m in a real world situation. I haven’t masturbated it looked porn in over 15 months and only orgasmed during my sleep which I could do nothing about. The compulsion to fap and urge to view porn has long dissipated so that isn’t even an issue now. Having said that I haven’t seen a pretty woman on screen for just this long and it just threw me off because it in my mind wasn’t ‘real’. Perhaps I need to adjust my perception, or even my attitude towards what I’m doing. Everything you’ve said made perfect sense and the matter-of-fact delivery served to force me to ask myself ‘so why ARE you doing this?’ today. I’m glad you said what you said opinion or not it was and is very helpful, it’s kind of the attitude towards recovery that I need in my life. Thanks brother!
     
    mentorr likes this.
  12. Passion5star

    Passion5star Fapstronaut

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    The virtual situation is quite obviously the one I don’t want or need. Real world, real life situations with real people is what I want.
     
    MsteiN likes this.
  13. MsteiN

    MsteiN Fapstronaut

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    Yes, so mind the gains and loses and if the score is positive go for it!
     

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