Facing big setback

For Fapstronauts of the Catholic Christian Faith

  1. Kaladin504

    Kaladin504 Fapstronaut

    I haven't logged into NOfap in about a year. I tried fortify. The videos are good, but the community feels to be lacking.
    Today was hard. Back in October, I was up to two weeks at a time between falls. Recently, it's been a matter of days. I just fell back to back yesterday and today. Unable to get to confession due to the holiday, and facing overwhelming fear that something will happen before I can get in and I will go to hell. I know this isn't the focus of our faith, but it haunts me strongly. Does anyone have advice on this? I've had so many people help me and continually fail to make progress.

    I think the main contributors to this have been stress and anxiety. I am currently in a Master's entry nursing program, and still living at home at age 24. This leads to feelings of inadequacy. I also have been struggling in forming new Catholic friendships (other than my accountability partner and some former college roomates), as I feel there is so much polarization and politicization in my Archdiocese.

    I know this is a long post. I just also have one more question. In this state, should I be avoiding dating? I currently have a CatholicMatch account, but wonder if that is imprudent given how far back I am now.

    My current goal is to improve at praying the rosary every morning (although that didn't stop me today), and the divine mercy chaplet at night. I am also working through the Bible in a year podcast with Father Mike Schmitz. For the next month my intention will be on an increase in the virtue of Chastity. Please pray for me.
    Dragonborn_117 likes this.
  2. Dragonborn_117

    Dragonborn_117 Fapstronaut

    I honestly am experiencing something very similar to you. I had a period where I went almost 85+ days without Porn and Masturbation, but I have since had smaller periods between PM, as little as 4 days in between. I will say the best thing you can do is 1) get a program like covenant eyes, 2) get a spiritual director and therapist if you don't have either one already, and 3) make sure to have a plan in place to prevent relapses.

    Covenanteyes is great because it essentially sends out screenshots to an accountability partner of your choice (I set it up with my dad) and it essentially prevented me from using my computer at all for PM. Other programs exist but it's great at preventing use and discouraging bad behaviors. I also really recommend spiritual direction and therapy. I have started therapy and have been doing spiritual direction ever since I converted. I highly recommend it, as it really helps you grow and work towards that goal of sainthood. Therapy is also a big help, as it can allow medical treatment in some cases.

    As far as dating, I think it's best to work on yourself right now (as that is what I have decided to do) but if you think you are able to date while you recover, then by all means! Self-improvement before seeking a partner is great because it almost motivates you to be better, or at least it does with me, but I think you have the foreknowledge and the freedom to make that decision for yourself.

    I'll be praying for you my friend, and I hope many of this helps! God bless and peace be with you!
    Kaladin504 likes this.
  3. I know a lot of people like Covenant Eyes but I really enjoy EverAccountable. Right now I'm using RealMenDontPorn. Having this helps keep the reality that God is always present and watching.

    As for a lack of progress I would say evaluate your time and evaluate what things you keep in your life which are obstacles to grace. Things like:
    1. Movies/T.V. with bad content.
    2. Music with bad content.
    3. Video games with bad content.
    4. Friendships that lead you to do bad things.
    5. The amount of time spent on the internet besides porn.

    Next I would recommend creating a schedule or rule of life so your day has structure. Sin thrives in chaotic lives. Your rule needs to answer three things which are, how is your life in relation to:
    1. God.
    2. Your neighbor.
    3. Yourself

    In relation to God, are you trying to increase your frequency of mass and adoration? Are you going to confession once a week or after a serious fall? Are you making spiritual communions, praying, or reading scripture? Are you doing spiritual reading? Are you practicing penance?

    In relation to your neighbor, do you perform acts of charity towards your neighbors or if you can't do things like voluntary work are you offering things for the poor departed souls or for the conversion of sinners? Are you obeying your superiors provided they aren't asking you to do anything against God?

    In relation to yourself, do you have any good wholesome hobbies? Are you listening to good music or watching movies with good content and messages? Are you eating well and exercising?

    Living as a Christian is a complete lifestyle change and it is a lifestyle that is in opposition to the world. The world wants to you to look at life in the order of:
    1. Myself.
    2. My neighbor.
    3. God.
    It does this because when we become self-absorbed the other two hardly become a thought or priority in our lives so we easily give up on them and forget them.

    Make it your first care to find the kingdom of God, and his approval, and all these things shall be yours without the asking. ~Jesus (Matthew 6:33)
    Last edited by a moderator: May 31, 2021
    Kaladin504 likes this.
  4. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

    I had the same experience you are describing for 50 years. I am a practicing cradle Catholic so I knew when I first committed the sin that it was wrong and I have detested myself for it for most of my life. I am currently enjoying my longest streak of purity, ever. I recommend you look at Mr. Eko's post entitled "My Catholic Method...". It is working for me and I must add the spiritual and emotional benefits of putting that period of my life to death are wonderful. Among them, I include a burgeoning ability to see women as human beings rather than sex objects and an increased self-confidence born on a removal of guilt.
    Yes, I also concur that stress can lead one to this sin, because it provides momentary comfort but the detriments are many and they are truly insidious. No price is too great to become free of this sin.

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