Failed after 7 days Everytime

B.Wayne · Dec 17, 2018

Hi, I'm Bruce. I am a porn addict since I was 18. I find it very hard to overcome this addiction. I tried everything, every strategy to quit porn but couldn't. Once I got 23 days without watching any porn and without masturbating this is the maximum day I have achieved success. Since then it only last for 7 to 9 days after which it becomes so hard to resist the temptation. I want to elaborate more on my condition.
This year on June 24th it was a nice Sunday. I woke up early and really feel depressed and sad about my addiction. It a huge amount of time I have wasted on searching and downloading ponography. I wasted so much money on internet packs and storage hardwares ( I purchased a 2 TB hard drive and also some 16 GB usb drives ). I really feel bad about it and so I decided to change myself. So I woke up and decided to delete all my collections of those digital data. I just plugged my hard drive and formatted it. Then one by one all the usbs ( I had 3 16 GB usb ). And finally I sold them on OLX so that I can't recover those files. Initial for some days I feel like the best thing i had ever done in my life. It was such a great feeling, like i have my freedom from slavery. I feel an incredible gratification. As days passed everything was not going as expected. Initially I thought "yes! This is it, I have done it" I feel successful. I thought that I will never go to this dark life again. But it wasn't as expected. On 7th day when I woke up in the morning I feel so much horny that I couldn't resist to masturbate. So I did but this was without porn. I really felt bad that day. I just don't know why it happened. But again I continued to abstain from masturbation and ponography. After 5 days I again feel that urge to masturbate and those pictures of ponography was flashing into my mind. But this time I decided to stay in the hostel with my friend on that day so that I can go through this urge. Finally I didn't masturbate but I really feel bad that why this is happening again and again. I thought even God is not helping me out. As days passed this urge to masturbate become more and more strong and those pictures are so intense that I even had dreams about them. Now at this point I really feel bad about my decision to delete those massive collection. 2 Tera Bites with additional 40GB of data, you can imagine the amount of time and effort and money I had invested. I really feel depressed and was totally confused about what I'm going through. I had no idea how to deal with it. This urge is so powerful that I feel horny all the time even in the classroom in the hostel or wherever I go and seeing any girl and women. Then finally on the 23rd day I opened my phone and browsed for some porn videos and it was such a pleasure that I could ignore a million dollars for it.
So this was my story. I am in a situation which I can't share with my Parents and my friends. I'm so much in panic that I don't know what to do. These days I could barely abstain 7 days without masturbating and watching porn. I don't even try to abstain after that failure. I feel so terrified that I don't want to abstain when I feel uncomfortable. I just don't know what to do. I'm in a trap now. Please help me please...

Joe1023 · Dec 26, 2018

That's quite a story! It sounds like the addiction had a pretty good hold on you. Here is a list of tools I suggest to people just starting their recovery work. And I highly recommend the first tip, getting involved regularly in a weekly SA meeting. And just as important, in my opinion, is getting a sponsor from one of those SA meetings.

- Go to weekly SA meetings and find a sponsor there. To find one near you, go to https://www.sa.org/meetings/

- Do an internet search for CSAT office in your area (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist)

- Find an accountability partner if you don't already have one.

- Look for help online; There are sexual addiction recovery books, workbooks, self-help books, Youtube videos and MANY other things to help.

- Start a journal about your recovery.

- Put safeguards in place to help you stay sober. Think of your weaknesses and eliminate them.

- Do you take your phone (or any other device) into the bathroom with you and relapse because of it? Then make a rule to never take any electronic device into the bathroom with you, ever. NO EXCEPTIONS.

- Do you read erotic literature and relapse because of it? Make a rule to never read anything that could ever be found in that section of any bookstore ever.

- If you struggle with looking at internet porn or any other addictive material on the internet, get an internet filter to block that category type of website as well as any specific site you know you’re vulnerable to and give someone else the password to it. Obviously, you should not have the password.

And for new users, check out: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/

B.Wayne · Dec 28, 2018

TgaTh you very much for the advice...

1 Tes. 4:3 · Dec 28, 2018

I will also suggest that you arm yourself with the thought that even if you relapse every seven days, every second you fight and not just surrender is doing you good.

God says (Romans 5:3-4) endurance produces character and character produces hope. Every second of endurance is doing you good. And you can exercise it resisting the urge. You can.

Think of it this way. Every time a weightlifter lifts a weight he is taking one small step to becoming stronger. Every time you resist instead of surrendering, you are becoming stronger too, even though some dark thought wants to make you feel or think otherwise, you are progressing so much more than just letting it be.

Strength to you.

B.Wayne · Dec 28, 2018

Thank you very much brother these words mean a lot to me.

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Failed after 7 days Everytime

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