Failed...

You have to learn from your relapses and keep on fighting. There are no shortcuts and its going to be extremly difficult but possible if you are willing to put in 120% effort.

 

You can do this Kunal!!

 

Well, it is not easy to just drop porn, but its absolutely worth the effort!!!!

Learn from your relapse, find if there are any changes that can help, and welcome withdrawal symptoms with open arms.

 

I´ve failed over 50 times. There is absolut nothing to say. I have friends who stopped really easily. Thats because it is not the same thing for them like it is for me. I know why I was doing it, all the time. It helps me feel my suppressed pain. And that relaxes me, because im spending my whole energy to fight against my bad feelings instead of just feeling them. You will continue trying, there is no question if you will. You know its bad, so of course you will continue trying. I hear people often say: Dont give up. You just gave up today/yesterday. That is ok. But there is nothing to do about it, you will continue to not want (rationally) do this anymore.
You can practice a few things. You can do some youtube hypnosis that helps you knowing and already feeling the bad feelings after a relapse, before a relapse. And the best thing to do, is to change your enviroment completely.
I have got to a point, where there is not a question anymore. There is no if. If I want to live, I have to stop this. Because I have mental problems. For me it has become like a survival fight. Live or die. I feel so fucked up.
We will see if my words are just verbiage or if really something changed in my attitude. But when you are fighting for your life, there is no question anymore. Maybe you have enough energy to continue this exhausting life style. But for me, I cant take it anymore. I always hoped that there will come one day, I just decide that it is no option anymore. But then I thought like: "Waiting for the day, that sounds like Hollywood. Thats not real life." I was so frustated. One day I was saying this is the last time of my life and the next day i was relapsing again. But Im done. I dont think that my problems will disappear just by stopping P and M. But i know they probably never will if I continue. I said thousand times: "This time is different." BUT THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT. Im not motivated, i have just have supreme confidance towards nofap.

 

You are gonna make mistakes along the way, no need to die over something as dumb as pornography. Just visit the forums as much as you can when you feel that relapse coming, and read relapse stories too so you know what's coming. When I was starting off I would look at relapse posts and see how angry and depressed people were getting over it so I would tell myself "I've felt that before, not gonna be me again." Yes you will still experience stress, and depression in life but PMO is just unneeded anxiety. You will be fine!

 

Trying to stop, and then watching again is not "failure". The journey is not up and down. It's more like a zig-zag. It's a curved road. P is a really really hard 'habit' to break. Human beings are hardwired for FOOD and SEX. So your brain sends you some pretty strong signals from up/down there. Think of all the time you have NOT watched P as success. And the time you have tried but gone ahead and done it as rewarding part of your brain that is really good at getting you to reward it.

The NoFap journey is a long one. It'll never be a perfect one. And most importantly, the NoFap journey is not so much about P as it is about EVERYTHING ELSE in life. You know, increasing the other things you can do while you are deciding to P or not to P. So that even if you succumb to it, you have also done things that are good in your life too.

If you are going to re-set a lot, no problem. Just make sure you are always keeping one foot in the door of this program.

 

Kunal,

Have you thought about a strategy or strategies to help you when temptation arises? Can you have someone you trust install blocking software on your laptop/computer/phone? Is there someone you can phone when the temptation arises? What if you say to yourself: "Okay, I desperately want/need to view P BUT I'm going to do 50 push ups, 50 squats and 50 dips first." That last one I've used myself At the very worst, you'll have worked out and if you still yield to your desire, you'll have worked out first.

One thing that I've found helpful is to just say what's going on in my head. Like this: "I notice I'm having the desire to view P." Just something like that can be powerful in diffusing the power it has over you because you're not ignoring it, you're acknowledging it's there and in doing so, you take some of its power away because, when we ignore something, it just knocks harder and demands to be heard. Acknowledging its existence won't necessarily mean yielding to temptation, it just means saying: "Oh yeah, I know you're there. I see you, I accept your presence."

I'd suggest having a look at your immediate environment or wherever you view the most and see if you can modify it to help and not hinder you.

Good luck.

 

I wouldn't call it a failure. You have slipped a little bit. Maybe you will again in the future, it doesn't matter as long as you will keep trying it again and keep fighting.

 

If you haven't taken a shower yet that day, do so. I find that the hotter and sweatier I am, the more I'd like to fire off a load.