Failure after 42 days

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Henryforward, Aug 2, 2020.

  1. Well I ended up waking up and MO then in the day I looked at some videos.
    So much more disappointing than I even remember it being. An utter sham how is P so looked at as being OK by the majority of the world.
    I feel like I have robbed myself and I'm probably going to be paying for it for a long time now. The reason I didn't relapse yesterday was because I didn't want to go on the emotional roller-coaster of withdrawal again. But then a day later I failed.
    I want to die this is messed up I hate myself.
    Got so far I was beginning to have a positive impact on a few people close to me and getting them to open up about their own struggles then I go and cave its pathetic.
    Its literally pathetic.
    I was seeing some very positive improvements in my life I really hope this doesn't put me back at the beginning and I have to experience all the flatline again.

    I feel like my main problem I was getting a lot of strength from God then I have been getting really depressed and anxious lately and I haven't been giving God much time.
    Instead I've been watching netflix and just being downright lazy. I've had a few cigarettes because it feels like my brain is just melting I'm not to sure what that is if it something else or its been my brain normalizing.
    Well I guess it's back to the beginning any word from some of the wise would be appreciated.

    I have to do this this time or I fear its all over.
    I cannot go back this is not OK this is worse than relapsing on heroin I am broken.
  2. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

    42 days is very good. Remember you do not lose all that you gained when this happens. In fact most people who reach their goal usually fail a lot before having the winning streak. In my experience (I am on my 2nd good streak now in about 4 months), I relapsed after 30 days but I was peeking a lot and if I'm honest can't say it was a true hard mode. However I realised that my memories of porn were getting weaker. I am now on my first true hard mode with no peeking and my thoughts are very clear too. I fight urges and thoughts easily too. So get back on the journey asap because the streak did have a lot of positive effects that you should continue building on.
    Henryforward likes this.
  3. Thanks man yea I have calmed down a bit and just been thinking about how crap it was. But I should be able to do the complete 90 days this time. I just cringe at myself now but no use staying in the shame. Yea I don't feel as bad in the mind as I used to so I think I shouldn't lose to much progress. Well not back to day one. Will just need to be very vigilant with my thought process.

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