Failure after 42 days

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Henryforward, Aug 2, 2020.

  1. Well I ended up waking up and MO then in the day I looked at some videos.
    So much more disappointing than I even remember it being. An utter sham how is P so looked at as being OK by the majority of the world.
    I feel like I have robbed myself and I'm probably going to be paying for it for a long time now. The reason I didn't relapse yesterday was because I didn't want to go on the emotional roller-coaster of withdrawal again. But then a day later I failed.
    I want to die this is messed up I hate myself.
    Got so far I was beginning to have a positive impact on a few people close to me and getting them to open up about their own struggles then I go and cave its pathetic.
    Its literally pathetic.
    I was seeing some very positive improvements in my life I really hope this doesn't put me back at the beginning and I have to experience all the flatline again.

    I feel like my main problem I was getting a lot of strength from God then I have been getting really depressed and anxious lately and I haven't been giving God much time.
    Instead I've been watching netflix and just being downright lazy. I've had a few cigarettes because it feels like my brain is just melting I'm not to sure what that is if it something else or its been my brain normalizing.
    Well I guess it's back to the beginning any word from some of the wise would be appreciated.

    I have to do this this time or I fear its all over.
    I cannot go back this is not OK this is worse than relapsing on heroin I am broken.
     
  2. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

    138
    138
    43
    42 days is very good. Remember you do not lose all that you gained when this happens. In fact most people who reach their goal usually fail a lot before having the winning streak. In my experience (I am on my 2nd good streak now in about 4 months), I relapsed after 30 days but I was peeking a lot and if I'm honest can't say it was a true hard mode. However I realised that my memories of porn were getting weaker. I am now on my first true hard mode with no peeking and my thoughts are very clear too. I fight urges and thoughts easily too. So get back on the journey asap because the streak did have a lot of positive effects that you should continue building on.
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  3. Thanks man yea I have calmed down a bit and just been thinking about how crap it was. But I should be able to do the complete 90 days this time. I just cringe at myself now but no use staying in the shame. Yea I don't feel as bad in the mind as I used to so I think I shouldn't lose to much progress. Well not back to day one. Will just need to be very vigilant with my thought process.
     

Share This Page