Failure after failure

The end is when you die. You will always have urges. The trick is to get used to not giving in. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm on your boat. I've been hooked for quite some time now and I still haven't surpassed even 15 days.

 

No, you will not always have urges. This is the type of pattern that leads to relapse because fighting a never ending battle (you will always have urges) is demoralizing.

Urges can and will stop.

 

Stand up and fight, man.
Is not an easy war. Is a war. A big war. Is hard, BUT you can do this.
Stay strong and fight!
Relapse is really not an option, believe me.

 

I suggest meditation.
I suggest an approach that is anything but a fight.
I know it feels like a war but evidence shows that gritting our teeth and trying to resist these urges and cravings through force of sheer will only gets you so far.
Have you looked into the Buddhist way?
It is not the only way. It is just A way. And if you feel you have exhausted everything else. It might help you.
Check out the Secular Buddhism podcast.
It helped me massively recognise my pain and sit with it. To watch it and observe it and not fight it.
Guess what?
When you do that, the urges and cravings pass.
Yiu will start to see yourself better and take hope.
PS I am not a religious person either.
It is a mindset.

 

Let me make something clear, you said that your partner could not help you, your family could not help you, your friends could not help you and you lost all of them and now you think a forum can help you?
That is silly
If you are at this point, you got yourself here, so take some responsibility. Responsibility is not just admitting you have a problem, that is 1% of it.
Responsibility is taking action and showing results.

If you can not quit, yourself and you understand that - then you have to seek professional help, if you do not trust yourself, then you create a system within which you can be monitored.

you say how bad it is but what is it that you have done to stop, what is ti that you are doing to stop the addiction?

 

Yep some episodes are. It is also available on Luminary, Podbean, itunes and soundcloud I think. Also try Pornfree Radio podcast too. It saved me.

 

I also read lots about addiction in general. Not just nofap type content. Try Paula Hall's fantastic book on porn addiction. I also read the AA big book and Russell Brand's book called 'Recovery' which are great ways to get the facts and the science without reading textbooks and that.
There is always hope. And by broadening your horizons and connecting with other people this is more possible.
Remember. Isolation is the killer.
Connection is the opposite to addiction.
Be seen.
Be honest.
This is a mindset amd a lifestyle change and it is hard.
But you can do it.
I wrecked my first marriage due to this thing and have only just scraped by the skin of my teeth this time with my second marriage because I got into recovery in the new year.

 

People with addictions make lapses in judgement, I am trying to make a point that you likely need professional help to deal with this since you tried to deal with it before and could not.
You want to go back to trying to do same thing you have been doing.

When addiction emerges people do not admit to it, they do not accept the fact and let it go on, until it begins to destroy their life, once they are deep in to the addiction, then they at some point admit it and make vague attempts to stop, not taking it seriously, there is this idea that - well I finally recognized I have it, so I can try different things and stop it if I want to. This goes on for some time and addiction only gets stronger until eventually depressions get serious and more time is spend on addiction to manage mood - personal life starts to fall apart. And now, when person developed serious addiction, he/she finally begins taking recovery more serious, but at this point they have no ability to stop. And people that care about this person already gave their best support when person did not take it seriously. By the time addict begins to take it serious, family and friends already gave up.
And the reason addicts begin to think about recovery at the very end of this journey are the deep debilitating depressions.