Fantasizing during sex

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by KrmGrn, Nov 20, 2014.

  1. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    I'm realizing that the thing that might be hardest for me to give up is fantasizing about other women while I'm having sex with my girlfriend. Does anyone else have this problem? Advice? Thanks
     
  2. Camrunfast

    Camrunfast Fapstronaut

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    Ya. I've actually had this discussion with previous lovers as well. I still don't have enough distance from my struggles to have developed a solid thought on this subject. I have found that as I'm progressing the need for the fantasizing is lessening. Not much help here. Other than you aren't alone in the struggle.
     
  3. GayRomeo

    GayRomeo Fapstronaut

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    I think most men do this. For me, I do it when I sense my partner wants me to finish and I'm not there yet. I try to help by thinking of a go-to fantasy that will help me cum faster. I don't have any advice, though. I think it's common and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.
     
  4. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, everyone.

    I realize it isn't healthy behavior. Usually, it's not a porn star I'm thinking about, but one or more other women I've had crushes on or used to masturbate to. Basically, it's primarily what I'm thinking about when having sex. It's definitely something I want to change. Or at least do less often.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2014
  5. Personal Freedom

    Personal Freedom Fapstronaut

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    The mind is a tricky thing to change. I'd recommend trying to spend some time focusing on your partner while they're with you. Try and make that physical connection and bridge it to the mental connection, so that you're focused on them, when you're with them. I'm sure they'd appreciate the attention, too.
     
  6. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, Personal Freedom. It's a good idea. It really is a disrespectful thing to do, although I know it's common for guys to do it. Not beating myself up about it, but it can only help our relationship.
     
  7. JasonC

    JasonC Fapstronaut

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    I've fantasized extensively about other women while having sex with my wife throughout my 15+ year marriage. Many times I'd have to resort to quickly looking at P (without her knowledge) just prior to sex in order to get hard. I've somehow managed to avoid long-term PIED, but on occasion it was impossible to get up for the challenge. Mostly this happens to me if I've had an hours-long PMO binge. Fantasizing about P sometimes, but mostly about real women I saw recently, especially women I actually know, seemed to work pretty well to get physically in the right place. I've written in my journal here how much I absolutely hate having to do that. Now that I'm almost at 40 days in, I don't need that anymore. At all. My wife has become so beautiful and sexy to me again. In fact, we made love this afternoon and I got rock hard just looking into her eyes I wanted her so bad. It was freaking awesome!
     
  8. Personal Freedom

    Personal Freedom Fapstronaut

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    If you look further into it, it's a really common thing that -everyone- does, like, all the time. Going somewhere else in their head, rather than being with who they're with. We've always got our noses buried in our phone, we're always dreaming about the weekend, about the holidays, about the last good steak we had. We tend to not be very Present. That's just one facet of it, but everyone does it in some way, male and female included. Focusing into the present, into what's real, can be a very powerful activity.
     
  9. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, agreed. It is about being present. I tend to have commitment issues - in relationships, in work, in hobbies... I always get distracted by something else rather than staying with what's in front of me.

    Also, good to know, JasonC, that maybe it'll go away on its own as I get further away from PMO... if not, it'll be something I work on.
     
  10. I have had this situation as well. I agree it is not respectful to the girl i am with. What has helped me though, is quit watching p and after a while usually like 2 weeks of no p I would find myself only looking to my gf and get aroused from her. This is one of the reasons porn is bad for our brains. You are right, not all girls are porn stars. Good luck to us all!
     

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