fap masturbation addiction, ED, blood flow at the base, pelvic floor

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Fapstronaut
Hi all,
I'm a long time reader, well not even much (1 year ) but with ED problems for so many years, yes, it sucks.
I just want to add some aspects of this problems that happened to me and that maybe would be familiar to some of you reading that didn't find in other threads.
Going to the past with my memories I can say my problem started noticing that I was struggling to take a pee easily: I initially thought that maybe I was going to the toilette without having a big need, then I thought it might depends on feeling embarrassed to do it quickly in public toilet, school and so on:
Btw At that time my erections were still glorious:
then during my fap routine, 3 or for or 5 times taking even hours edging and fapping I started to feel some pain all along my penis; let me underline that was a kind of pleasant penis in my ignorance, cause I like everything is rough and I thought it was due to those long fap sessions: I would say i was fapping for 5 hours per day/night.
Another thing to underline: I was fapping more on fantasies than on porn, let's say (70/30)
During that period with painful erections, I started lately to feel like one of my testicle was rising up in my body creating disconfort cause I was not able to vigorousily fap without hitting the testicle.
I started then to hold the penis harder and harder, but I was puzzled about that testicle stuff.
I used to be very responsive to everything and I was getting hard even laying a book over my pants, and after masturbation or sex I was semi hard and ready to get hard within some seconds.
Well, after that period, the next problem was feeling the base of my penis less fuller than before, I felt like the base, from the perineum to the beginning of the shaft othe penis, was getting dried, was getting empty, while the rest of the penis had the same shape and size, but try to imagine the middle and ending part of the penis larger than the base, while it should always be the opposite: the base much larger.
Anyway at that time I could not figure out why and the unique moments when my penis was like it has always been was when I was erect and the best way to test it was masturbating, so I was masturbating even more and I guess my nightmare started there.
One day I was masturbating as everyday, meaning hours and hours on fantasies and on porn, but I had some problems getting fully hard: I thought that problem was I was getting bored to those few porn videos I had at that time, cause it was not the era of free porn everywhere, and those were my first very long videos I was wasting day after day: well one day after 2 faps with 2 ejaculations in a row with the second one with penis erect at 60% let s say....I felt my penis completely dead: it got shriveled to less than half my usual penis when flacid; i felt the base of the penis like empty, just covered with the skin, like a shopping bag with nothing inside:
to give an example: take an air baloon: the part you make the knot, well that part was my base and the rest of the baloon was my penis, but shriveled.
It's like a sponge where you wet a part and the other part u keep it dried: one it get swalled depending on how much u wet it: the other part is tight.
Well I got panicked, also because as I mentioned above, I never had moments where my penis was not active for a new erection, and I m also a shower, meaning that my flaccid penis is long and large and when getting erect it changes of few cm, but that time my penis got completely shriveled like a child penis.
I also was not adult enough to understand the shit that happened, so I started to try to fap, tried to fantasy, to watch porn, but nothing: I got erection of 30% 40% 50% max.
That night I slept 2 hours, and no morning wood, first time in my life, and my penis, was completely dead, small, so I tried again to masturbate, but it was a nightmare: nothing was like before.
Anxiety, fear and all the worst things started to make that problem even heavier.
In next posts I ll continue how the things went
 
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Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story.
Read, learn and start making your plan.
 
As all of you know I could not give up and all of my mind was to regain my normal penis and functions.
This is in my opinion my biggest mistake: I did not think even for a second that the problem was due to masturbation: internet was blank about that and I always heard that the most your masturbate the most trained you are to control your ejaculation in intercourse and it also help to feel you relaxed, btw I was doing simply cause as we all know it's very pleasant.
I was with my penis in my hands most of the day time, so I messed up my studies, my serenity and of course my dates.
With days passing the base of the penis got a little bit more body: I tried to get relaxed in order to be able to fap ( imagine....imagine how I was ignorant ) but I was doing that cause when my penis was stimulated and got even semi erect, I was feeling and seeing my penis more similar to what was before, more beefy, fuller, alive even if not exactly like before, cause now the erections were with the belly of my penis flat instead of rounded and the glans was soft, and after ejaculation turned in a little penis as not connected to my body, as it was there hanging in a shopping bag with something inside to the bottom of it.

I did not skip a day trying to masturbate and ejaculate, always with the thought of making the penis fuller, but I couldn't stay 5 hours with good erections as before, so let's say I reduced the time, but it was matter of hours anyway.

I felt I was completely done with girls: passing months I was kind of resigned: my erections got better than first days of when it started but it was around 60, 70%....meaning...enough to fap and ejaculates to get away a bit from stress and anxiety...and it became a drug, while before I was fapping just for boredom and laziness, now I was fapping to feel my penis alive for that fap session and to relax after ejaculating.
Those erections were not enough to penetrate a woman and to get erections I had anyway to stimulate myself like to pull blood from the perineum to the base of the penis, so it was smth that I could do just to masturbate alone and get off.
I do not if you get what I mean when I say, pulling blood from perineum to the penis.
When everything was ok, I always felt I was sitting on a tennis ball was my perineum, cause erections in my opinions depends on that part of the body. After my problem apperead, my perineum zone was flat, instead of being round, so pressing on it before I was making my penis hard already, while after I was struggling to feel my penis pressing the perineum.
Next part in following post
 
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After one year, I went to an urologist: did all the commom exames but didn't find anything.
I have not even been able to explain everything first cause I was very young, second cause I did not know anything in particular.
That urologist sent me to another urologist, a very important one: I ve been hospitalized for some days there to make almost same exams.
Doctors do not accept even today what we're speaking on here, imagine years and years ago: I was completely ok for him and his equipe.
Btw he put a note on these exams: precocious ageing of tissue, which it does not exist in medical sciences, but that's what he wrote. ( maybe we could say now, it would resemble what we call exhaustion).
While I was there I got also a prostaglandine injection to test my cavernous chambers and all was fine....and I knew it was not there the problem.
I got home desperate, cause I went to a very important urologist and he said I was perfect, while my life was almost to the end for how scared I was.

Btw, I ve to underline a new scenario appeared after those days at hospital.
I didn't know why, once I got out of hospital and got back at home I felt my penis a bit fuller, I was getting hard a bit easier: not enough to penetrate, but when flacid was less shriveled and when hard, still 70%, I was able to keep it hard a bit more, while days before, I had to force erection and death grip otherwise I would loose it in 2 seconds.
I thought it was still some prostaglandine effect and maybe it was too, but
guess what ( now I can say, not before)....those little improvments I think were due cause when I was at the hospital I could not masturbate as when I was home, and those 5 days have been the unique period I did not masturbate in my adult life, ( well, I masturbated and ejaculated once at the hospital ) but I mean, it was not like when I was at home that I was trying to masturbate every 2 hours all days with no rest.
Now that I read everywhere, nofap, no deathgrip to reboot I think: what if I could have thought that year that those little improvments were due to abstaining from masturbation in my life cause I was at hospital? eh lots of regrets
Following part, next post
 
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This new scenario gave me a bit more confidence, but I can say now that "helped" me to get accustomed of my handicap and shitty situation, so I found a confortable position to fap, I found out that holding the penis very tight would better my erection to fap and I went online looking for the most stimulating things ( all those things I also read here from other users....worst of fetishes and disgusting things)...but I was also seeking for normal porn but always trying to find the most sexy girl to finally ejaculate.
So I was masturbating don't know how many hours....and edging most of the times cause when edging the penis was fuller.
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Now a new aspect I hope someone could find interesting, familiar to let me know something about it.
Sometimes happened that my penis was getting closer to how it was years before, before the problems: I really could not figure out why, really...it was killing me.
Once happened after a long masturbation of 2 hours when i was feeling my erection very strong, I was very horny and after ejaculating my penis didn't shriveled:it was semi hard after ejaculatin, I felt my perineum fuller, swallen: it gave strenght to the rest of the penis: I could have another erection in a minute....as always happened to me before of the problem to appear:
This fantastic thing lasted for 3 or 4 days....and I fapped like crazy, thinking I was finally healed:
I was masturbating 4 or 5 times per day with short and long faps, mostly cause my penis was getting hard even without stimulation, even just walking, even just thinking about a girl: in short...as it should be and as it was before years ago.
Well...after few days, after xx ejactuation the penis got shriveled and micro as prior of this fantastic short period.
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I say again that I never skipped a day without masturbation except those days at the hospital, so even after this time that I suddenly got my penis back for few days and then got shriveled again, I kept masturbating....always to test my erection.

I want you all to understand that having my flacid penis shriveled was a phisical torture like when you have smth that focus all ur attention to a point: example...if you're walking and you've a little stone in your shoe you can't avoid to notice it: so, you feel better just if you take the stone off ur shoe: the same thing for me, I felt a great disconfort with my shriveled penis during the day into my undies and I was feeling a bit or relax just taking the penis in my hands to pull some blood from the perineum to the base of the penis.
Of course this stimulating stuff was bringing me all the time to fap and ejaculate: this is the bad stuff.....but I didn't know I was worstening my situation.
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Another situation that just after long time I've noticed changed my shriveled flaccid penis in my old fat fuller flaccid penis was after defecation.
Not every times but some times yes, especially those time when I was not able to defecate for more than 3 days as I also developed a sort of constipation.
Well those mentioned times, as soon as I was able to evacuate ....my penis, my shriveled flaccid penis, was growing under my eyes: I was sitting down to poop, and after the first and "suffered" evacuation, my penis was getting fuller, beefier, rounded, almost ready to get an erection: imagine the surprise.
Even in this case, that situation lasted for some days, and once again I abused of my reborn beefy penis with tens of masturbations.
I was fully erect at 110% just thinking that I was healed: just thinking that I could get hard without touching my penis, without thinking about sex, simply with penis rubbing to my undies, so masturbating was the most natural thing to do for me, both for happiness both to put the penis down temporaly.

Writing about this behaviour here on nofap website seems like I'm a masochist, but the point is that I never had the most little idea that masturbating was the cause of the problem.
I was feeling was something connected to blood flow even if doctors didn't find anything, so how to bring blood to the penis? Masturbating was the answer, cause masturbating was making my penis a bit more fuller than that horrible shriveled shape that got since I started to have a problem.
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3rd scenario.
This one I admit could seems a joke, but believe me is not: we're all in the same boat: I feel maybe I'm also one who has ED from longer than majority of the members of this community, so I'm not joking at all: I'm just sharing to all my situation and maybe someone could find some points in common even if are not the usual points mentioned in most of the posts.

Another situation that from time to time happened to improve my shriveled flaccid penis in a healthier flaccid penis was when I started to fully shave the penis and testicle area.
I did it cause when masturbating, the hair around the penis were too long and I was pulling them when fapping, so was very irritating and kind of painful too. Was just this the reason I decided to shave.

Well, once I shaved....in a couple of hours I felt my penis getting fuller in my pants; i went to see and it was not shrivled and bad but was a healhty flaccid penis:
when I say this, I mean that I didn't have to fight to obtain an erection, and anyway was not optimal but was easy to achieve cause the flaccid state shown a shape, a weight, a consistency that having an erection was the most natural thing, and in fact was like that.
In this case I'll anticipate now what I wanna say later, but I'm sure happened cause of a new sensitivity in the penis without any hair and felt humid cause without hair the skin sweat more.
With this I'm not saying at all it's a way to cure ED: I'm just saying that in my case, probably due to excessive masturbation,death grip, I desensitized my skin, little inflamations and so on...so that new sensation of shaving, all humid around, gave a hitn of new sensitivity to an old and tired skin penis.
Anyway in this case the reborn flaccid didn't last much: just a couple of days.
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As you can imagine, all I'm talking about are stuff of years, not months, so I had time to feel desperate, to reason up about it, to put myself questions and so on.

Talking about the defecation/constipation, as I said some posts above, sometimes worked to give new life to my penis: trying to remember the times that helped me were just those times that I was constipated for many days. I can say I've some problems of constipation but I'm not constipated all the time.
The best would be going everyday to evaquate, I often go every 2 days but feeling that I didn't finish, which is not very healthy: the problem is when you stay 3 or 4 days without going to evaquate. This last option didn't happen often to me, but happened from time to time anyway. In those cases...there were a high % that after evaquating, my penis would reborn, turning normal, with morning woods, spontaneous erections, easy erection with fantasy, touching or not touching it.
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As I said...my situation is a situation of years, so I know myself well:
the times that happene this situation the penis has reborn I got advantage of it and I also managed to have sex:
I went to some escorts: I wanted first to inform them that I was in a potential problematic situation, but the point is that when I see that my flaccid penis is healhty, I know I ll have rock hard erection that do not goes down even if I should have sex with a monkey, so I didn't say anything to them and everything went great, imagine how hungry I was.
I say "them" cause I was testing my penis all those days and eheh those girls are not my girlfriend, so after 1 hour or 2 hours the game was over.
During those days that I was having sex, I was also masturbating....and as always after max 7 days the magic ended.
Shriveled penis, tight and narrow at the base, empty perineum: all this came back but not bad as the the first time, but horrible enough no to achieve any erection unless using death grip, lot of stimulation, extreme porn and manual pulling blood from perineum.
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The situations that gave me some kind of healing have been in order:
1) one very long masturbation that left my penis fuller, rounded , heavy with a healthy flaccid after ejacuation: it happened once and never more, but I guess it has been the trigger for me to masturbate even more in order to replicate that miracle.
2) defecation after several days of constipation: this thing didn't work always and well, I'm not always constipated, but during a year if my penis get fully erect in a normal way, 90% of times it's due to this: the penis get fuller and rounded just after evaquating after days of constipation.
When I go to the toilet every 2 days, shriveled was and shriveled remained.
3) after shaving penis and testicles: worked very few times. After noticing it, I tried to do it by purpose letting hair to grow, to shave them, but didn't work: I just managaed to masturbate with more confort.
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One year ago I watched on instagram by case a guy talking about the benefits of not masturbating for some weeks: gain of attention, testosterone, energy, self esteem and so on.
I was thinking: all bullshits, how no to mastubate for more than few days: in my case I could not skip even a day cause I always known that was healthy to masturbate.
I used masturbation to fall asleep easily, to relieve some stress, also cause was by now the unique way to ejaculate cause I couldn't have a girlfriend...but at least I was ejaculating regulary and this was the important thiing in my mind, otherwise would be even worse considering I already have erectyle disfuction.
Btw I wanted to know more....and with my surprise I found out a world:
nofap, testosterone, reboot, death grip.
I immediately found lots of things in common with my situation, especially the beginning of the problem due to excessive masturbation, in my case not cause of porn, but anyway, excessive masturbation.
What I realized thinking a lot about it, is that I got addicted to porn and to ejaculation cause of my obsessive need to test if my penis could get hard as before and that just when starting to get semi erect I feel like when I was normal: something that last just the time of a never ending fap, cause after ejaculation the penis turns shriveled again....and this it mean....I will need another fap soon cause my shriveled flaccid penis is like having smth annoying in your pocket, or in your shoe, or in your hair, so I have to bring there some blood.
This is the mess I did: while here you advice to abstain from masturbating to heal....I was masturbating like crazy thinking to heal like that or...well...at least to feel better hour per hour.
So, my first problem was Erectyle disfuction due to excessive masturbation, so maybe I've lesioned or made tissue and muscles very tired....and then in order to heal in my head, I got addicted to masturbation with porn and ejacutlation.
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I say that then I got addicted to porn and ejaculation cause when my problem started was before of all the free porn on internet: I was downloading videos from kaaza...so imagine: didn't know what was inside: it took days to dowload. In fact i was masturbating mostly in my head just with fantasy.

And I can say I got addiction cause even if as I said, I found out about the Nofap world one year ago, I still didn't manage to abstain for the time needed.
My max is 4 days, but I must say, are not 4 fully days: I masturbated a bit after 2 days, so I can say I never stopped.
However I managed no to ejaculate for 15 days: this I did for that testosterone stuff: I had some benefits from it even if I know the testosterone peak is between the 6th and 7th day.
Obviously in those 15 days I didn't manage to abstain from masturbating: I can say that some days I edged a lot masturbating but without ejaculating and yes, I know now it's even worst, but that's it, I'm still learning and I'm weak.
Sometimes I also laugh that I'm really addicted and it make me realize how stupid we (people ) can be.
It's clearly a stuff due to excessive masturbation and I can't stop it: that's crazy.
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The positive thing is that since I found out all this world of nofap and how many men are involved, I got that I'm not an alien with a rare illness that nobody know.
I managed to reduce a lot my masturbation routine thanks to all your posts, otherwise I would still masturbate few times a day for 3 or 4 hours ejaculating all the times: and I'm talking of many years I was doing like that:
When I read 5 or 7 or 8 years...I think what a disaster I am with my longer story even if I had some windows of illusory normality that from one side gave me some hope and happiness, but by the other side made me fall so down when those illusions diseappeared after some days.
I also started using some cream for my penis: I'm white, caucasian, my penis is dark, I don't know how to describe it, but at first look you'd say it seems my penis and I belong to 2 different races and I guess it's also due to all the mess I did on it.
Believe or not, putting big amount of cream on my penis at night and letting it there, make my penis more sensitive: I do no wake up with morning wood, but I can assure it feel better, smooth, I feel a kind of semi erection instead of a completely dried penis, and something new for me, I have less pain during masturbation, cause I realized that I always masturbated with a kind of little pain all over the penis due to excessive masturbation with no lube and death grip, so I introduced in my habit some aloe cream: it does not help for erectyle disfuction but it feel better, and if I ever will manage to stop masturbating I will keep putting the cream on my penis enjoying the little swelling that those caresses give to my penis.
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Lately I made an experiment:
I noticed that when I go to the seaside that is not far from my hometown and I stay with my swimshort wet, my penis is more sensitive.
As I said in my previous post, I destroyed my penis with thousands of faps: always had this little pain along the penis due to masturbation with really no stop; color changed of the shaft so...when I give some relief to my penis I feel some moves.
Nothing happens with shower, cause when I shower I always used very warm or warm water...and well...it makes skin expand, but I notice that when I stay wet for long as happens after getting out the sea and it's all humid in my shorts, my penis is much more sensitive: I feel it with more body as happens when I put cream at night and even if not the same, as those times I fully shaved my penis and testicles that made it super active and sensitive, I feel anyway a bit more sensitive.
So, since a pair of weeks, when I go to sleep, I completely wet my front undies, I take a fabric tissue, I wet it all and I wrap my penis with it.
I do not wake up with morning wood, but I wake up with my flaccid penis that looks much better, more fat, rounded, and not shriveled and luckily or unluckily it makes me want to masturbate cause I feel it ready: I've to say I managed to resist, but not for long: in afteroon I often relapsed, but doing it I think: "Ok, so if I stop masturbating, if I put some cream, if I keep it hidratated every days, weeks, months....I feel I'm sure is the right way to heal, cause the tissue will get smoother again, I'll give time the penis to rest, the testosterone to increase, the perineum and bulbospongeous muscle to rebalance and with time, little by little the things will go better, cause I already seen these little improvments that are prooves in years that I always thought I was done.

For all of you reading, I assure is not the case of Placebo effect: all these things I said, I noticed them cause happened, not cause I thought they could work and I did them in order to heal and persuade myself they work, in fact I don't know if they will work, but are for sure things that are good for the penis.
 
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For what I read on line most of urologists still do not consider excessive masturbation as a cause of erectile dysfunction: some years ago the situation was even worst;
most of them say masturbation is healthy, cause cause anything and if getting erectile dysfunction they say it depends on anxiety for real intercourse, and they say to relax and no to think about that.
I had lot of sex since I was 15yo, firstly petting and oral and then penetration; people that look at me now would say I have a new girl every week, cause I'm very outgoing, I modestly say I'm a good looking guy and I love flirting and I do it fine, but of course, most of time I've to cut the flirting cause I simply know my penis wont be ready for penetration: it's all matter of how my penis feel when flaccid: if fuller it will get rock hard: if shriveled and dead....it will need lost of death grip, manual stimulation and porn, so the problem is 100% physical ( of course).
If you re going to an urologist exam or if you already went as I did, and you're thinking to visit a new urologist, try this approach ( and is the one I'd use if I ever should go to another urologist ).
-Can masturbation cause erectile dysfuntion?
They will say no.
-ask if prolonged masturbation can fatigue ur penis muslce and weaken your erection.
-or ask if daily masturbation would cause dysfunction.
They will say masturbation is fine and the quantity it depends on persons: for somone 2 per week, for other 5 per week, or 7 per week, or 14 per week: they will say, the important thing is that masturbation does not replace sex completely cause of fear to fail, for anxiety and so on.

Ok then, try to ask if masturbating 4 or 5 times per day every day, ejaculating each time and edging before of ejaculating from 30 mins to 1 hour and more for each masturbation sessions, if would maybe give some problems to your penis and erections.
Ask them if this habit of around 4 hours per day or more masturbating everyday for years and years without a rest day would eventually give some physical problems to your erection.
If u had sex, mention that too, that you were masturbating and dating with some girls or having a girlfriend, so they know that sex and excessive masturbation can coexist, at least till the penis work :) as happened in my case.

Ask this to urologists, cause I really can't imagine a doctor seriously believing that masturbating for so many hours every day for many years wont give any problems.
They have to answer to these questions you ask to them.

Let me say that I understand that for people suffering of PIED it's a bit different and in that case it's something more connected to the brain on porn: it's a problem of men who had fully access on porn 24/7 since their puberty and relied on that and easily developed an addiction that made real sex not essential and harder to achieve, while that rich visual and ready stimulation from porn was much easier and worked perfeclty to the final aim, ejaculating.

But in my case and in all the cases of people with problems similar to mine, it's a matter of too much masturbation that somehow created a blood flow problem, tissue and muscles problems.

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In the scientific world, the specialists that would give the most accurate replies to erectile problem due to masturbation are in my opinion the pelvic floor therapists:
unfortunately the most you read about pelvic floor online is addressed to women problems, for example after giving birth and so on, and I believe not every city has specialists that know so much about erectlile problems conneced to pelvic floor, but they know much more than old school urologists.
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I should read again all the things I've read about pelvic floor cause I do not remember all the terms, but you all can do your homeworks using some keywords on google.
I remember an exam with biofeedback and many others and simply reading about them I already felt they were the right exams I should have done, cause my problem is not in my penis, but is where the penis start, meaning by the perineum, from the anus till the base of the penis with the bulbospongeous and ischiocavernous muscle that since my problems appeared are flat, drained, while before were swallen like a tennis ball: whenever I was pressing under my testicles I was almost erect already:
it's all a matter of blood that is not flowing as before, as it should be.
The urologist that time told me to use the yellow pills, but I never used cause I refused the idea that it was all in my mind cause it was impossible: I knew the exact moment when my penis died and I was masturbating and ejaculating: I was not anxious for having sex with a girl: i was at home, comfy and after the ejaculation I turned from being a very sex active guy to a guy with dead penis all the time, except those windows of sort of normality I had during these years.
Btw, blue and yellow pills, I guess would work fine if taken as a therapy to improve blood flow, to ripristine something that got temporary damaged, and not taking those pills for having sex if feeling anxious.

Talking about blood flow, pelvic floor specialists advice some kegel and rever kegel exercises, but I still did not undestand if people who masturbated and ejaculated too much have tight and contracted pelvic floor, or a weak one, so if have to do kegel or reverse kegel: anyone know something?

The last thing I feel to mention about blood flow is that I read on some specialistic papers, that in order to reeducate the blood flow to the penis, it might be helpful the use of the penis ring once the penis is erect, using some good lube and for not long than 30 minutes.
Well I gave it a try: I've put the penis ring under my testicles and all around the base of the penis when erect. Here we're talking of hydraulics; there are tubes and fluids, so yes my penis was all fuller, larger, smoother, the glans also fuller as best past times: the aim is not using to have sex or masturbating but just to keep some blood to the penis that otherwise would run back, so I left the ring work and without stimulating, my penis started to goes flaccid and I was aiming to that, but was flaccid in the way I just described: fuller, rounder, smoother, heavier: obivously if keeping it for long it gives pains and much more can worsen the problem cause the blood have to flow away at some point, so I took it on for 20 mins and I'm doing it often these last weeks and I can say that when I take the ring off, my penis is heavier and fuller and what is more important for me is that I feel these things at the base of my penis that have to support all the penis: I feel it is due to blood that finally flow there even if forced to go there.
I hope it's something that made with discipline as a therapy would give some results.
The only enemy I have for my attempt to heal is myself and my obsession to masturbate, cause even in this case, after some hours that I take the ring off and I see my penis so ready, I start to masturbate: sometimes I manage to fap just for some few minutes, some times I edge for 2 hours without ejaculating: the result is that most of times my penis get shriveled again.

Btw whenever I manage to abstain for masturbation cause of too busy in other stuff, with some willpower and at the same time, using cream on the penis, perineum to sensitize the skin and help some blood to flow massaging the perineum, then, keeping my penis and testicles wet all night long when not using the cream, and using the penis ring in day time for 20 mins each time with erect penis without fapping, I feel my flaccid penis much stronger, the root is stronger: the shape in much bigger, the penis is heavier, soft and smooth and it makes me feel that in one month would improve a lot.
That said, I'm still here that I have to re start the counter every time cause I relapse after 2 days.
I hope that now that I'm writing down all my story and my steps would give me the strenght to abstain even when I feel my penis ready to get hard cause it's situation that makes me happy but it brings me to fap cause I'm not forcing an erection, is almost already there, so I'm happy and I fail ending up to fap.
Finger crossed or I'd better say Hands off for the developments
 
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