Fapastronaut cray ready for lift off.

I am a porn addict. I have been beating it to porn since i was 16, first it was magazines that you find pages of in the bushes, then it was magazines before most of the UK got the internet. Then it was jerkin it to pics, movies, then mobile porn etc. I have been to sex and love addicts anonymous, which i found made me worse. I tried EFT, which helps but only short term. I have been getting a bit better in the last year or two, instead of acting out several times a day or at least every day, its more like 2/3 times a week now, but binges still happen and I get mood swings because of it. I realised in a few months i will have been addicted for more than 50% of my lifetime...

That is f**king depressing for me. Half my life a porn addict.

I have just come back of holiday, after 2 weeks in paradise with no acting out due to little internet (its more porn the problem than masturbation i guess). I had a great time although was hard and really started losing it on a few occasions, but it passed. As soon as i get back home though, 3 hour porn session. Sometimes i just feel like shooting myself in the head or after i do this. I tried being Mr Nice with myself, understanding, using techniques psychological etc internet filters, books on this problem... It didn't work. Time to white knuckle it then, no excuses, no retreat, no surrender. no plan b it has to work.

 

My biggest fear, is become someone else. That I don't know who I will be.