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Father Time

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by onceaking, May 22, 2022.

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  1. May 22, 2022 #1
    onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

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    Has anyone heard Kendrick Lamar's song Father Time? It's a song where he confesses to having daddy issues and how that's affected his mental health and relationships. Would you say you have daddy issues? Has it affected your mental health?

    Here are some of the lyrics:

    I got daddy issues, that's on me
    Lookin' for, "I love you," rarely empathizin' for my relief
    A child that grew accustomed, jumping up when I scraped my knee
    'Cause if I cried about it, he'd surely tell me not to be weak
    Daddy issues, hid my emotions, never expressed myself
    Men should never show feelings, being sensitive never helped
    His momma died, I asked him why he goin' back to work so soon?
    His first reply was, "Son, that's life, the bills got no silver spoon"
    Daddy issues, fuck everybody, go get your money, son
    Protect yourself, trust nobody, only your momma'n'em
    This made relationships seem cloudy, never attached to none
    So if you took some likings around me, I might reject the love
     
    onceaking, May 22, 2022
    onceaking, May 22, 2022
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    Mr Morale likes this.
  2. Aug 27, 2022 #2
    Mr Morale

    Mr Morale Fapstronaut

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    Well I'm here to talk about Kendrick Lamar or hip hop in general. This was my favorite song on Mr Morale and The Big Steppers and I think this song definitely needs to be discussed when we talk about masculinity, mental health, coming of age, and how we view sex as men.

    If toxic masculinity was a stool the three pillars would be toughness, anti-feminity and power. When Kendrick says "Daddy issues ball across my head, told me, Fuck a foul, I'm teary-eyed, wanna throw my hands, I won't think out loud" he's showing that under different circumstances he would've voiced his feelings more about growing up in a dangerous environment. But since his Dad told him to suck it up he never got to develop that side of his emotions until later in life. This is true for a lot of young black men as well as Americans in general. This goes back to the toughness that toxic masculinity and patriarchy teach us to maintain as men. That by "thinking out loud" or going to therapy we are seen as weak and not being a real man.

    I feel like I dealt with the "daddy issues" as a kid, but not for the same reasons as Kendrick. When I was in highschool my parents got divorced and subsequently my Pops had trouble with alcohol and keeping a job. He was absent in my life to some extent and he never sat down and talked with me or taught me about mental health. As a result I feel like I did what everyone else was doing, what we saw on TV and I'm music videos and embraced toughness, anti-feminity and power. Deep down I knew that these things did not line up with my personal values, but I saw it work for other men and every time I spoke up about something that wasn't right I felt my social currency diminish a la locker room talk. "You're just a pussy" "when's the last time you got your dick wet" etc.

    Anyways that was almost 10 years ago but all these feelings came up listening to this song and it really made me sit down and think and decipher all the lyrics. Even the line when he says "My niggas ain't got no daddy, grow up overcompensatin', Learn shit 'bout bein' a man and disguise it as bein' gangsta" is so deep because it shows that men with the absence of a father figure fall into the same trap.

    Another line I love "What's the difference when your heart is made of stone, And your mind is made of gold, And your tongue is made of sword, but it may weaken your soul?" Those who embrace toxic masculinity and call people "pussies" literally embrace the sharp tongue, but don't realize how it damages themselves so much more in the long run. I think this is a great song to discuss and there's so much more when you put it in context with the rest of the album. What were your favorite lines? Do you feel like your mental health has suffered from "daddy issues"?
     
    Mr Morale, Aug 27, 2022
    Mr Morale, Aug 27, 2022
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    onceaking likes this.
  3. Aug 31, 2022 #3
    onceaking

    onceaking Fapstronaut

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    I find different lines stand out to me in different moments. Today I was listening to it and the line "I stayed outside, laughin' with my friends, they don't know my life" and it reminded me that men don't tend to talk about their life. Last week I was listening to the podcast All In The Mind and in the episode they were talking about how men don't talk to each other about what's going on in their lives. They tend to just talk about football. And it's true. In some ways, football can be a great way to make friends and gets your mind off stuff that's going on in the world. I think it's good to have some downtime and not be serious all the time but if football becomes a way of avoiding issues we struggle with then it's not good. I think that is why male suicide figures are way ahead of women. So many men don't talk about their mental health struggles and they get to a point when they can't take it anymore and just kill themself.

    I think things are slightly changing in our culture. In 2019 male suicide came down (although still ahead of women). You have songs like Father Time as well as Camila Cabello's Boys Don't Cry that take men's mental health seriously. But I still think there's some stigma attached to it. Personally, I find it easier to write about my mental health in a forum like this than talk about it in person.

    As for my mental health regarding "daddy issues"... Yeah, in some ways it has impacted me. My Dad was present and in my life but growing up he would shout at me a lot and when he wasn't shouting at me he was moaning about me. I think that caused me to have a low view of myself and I took that with me into adulthood.

    Another line is "I love my father for tellin' me to take off the gloves". There he shows he doesn't hate his father for what he did. I think trying to remember that our parents were trying their best in the situation they were in. It's not easy being a parent and some people have kids when they're not ready. It would be easy to resent our parents, especially our fathers but I don't think it helps us going forwards. There's a time to be angry but if you hold onto anger it doesn't make your life any better.
     
    onceaking, Aug 31, 2022
    onceaking, Aug 31, 2022
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    Mr Morale likes this.

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