fault vs responsibility

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ndotto, Jul 12, 2020.

  1. ndotto

    ndotto New Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, I've been reading on this forum a lot i think it's a great community. I recently started nofap and i just relapsed after only 11 days. I don't think i am really addicted to anything related to fapping, i haven't watched porn in like 5 years, but i thought i'd try nofap because i basically try everything.

    I've just been thinking how tasteless my life was up to this point. Really i try to recall but no joyful moments come to mind, only suffering, fear and pain. It would be a tragedy, if i had to live through these 20 years again. All that ever kept me going was hope, that things were gonna get better, that i will be rich one day, but it's starting to dawn on me, that this is gonna take a loooooong time.

    I can never be myself in front of other people, I never even knew who i am, all i know is i'm not what people around me always told me i was i.e. shy, quiet etc...i've become that though.

    I'm 6'3" 200 pounds almost pure muscle but i can't even go up to a woman and start a conversation. Almost piss myself. Seriously how hard do you have to mentally castrate a man in order for him to end up this way???

    Other guys go out interact with other people, have sex with 5 different chicks a week, that's just their default setting, how they got into this life. I can't get a date to save my pathetic life.

    Basically your parents decide for you if you are gonna start life as a mentally healthy person. I know it's my responsibility to fix this mess, but it's not my fault i ended up like this, which makes me really frustrated and angry sometimes.
    And also it doesn't get any better. I was 150 pounds few years ago, I worked out a lot and i gained A LOT of muscle, but doesn't change anything. I served in the army for 1 year (was a pain in the ass), but didn't change anything. I study 10 hours every day but there is no reward. It's like my whole existence is built around suffering, what's the point?

    Especially with women these things help me jack shit, because you can look like Gerard Butler in 300 if you don't approach women you are never gonna even talk to one. But these are seemingly the only things i can work on: my appearence, career, that's it. I've tried so hard to approach women, but i can't litterally, i know you think i'm a pussy i wish you were in my shoes for 10 seconds so you could understand it. I've been in this situation for 2 years now and nothing changes. It seems like there is nothing i can do.

    Was somebody ever in this situation and came out of it? I appreciate your opinion.
     
    Knighthawk likes this.
  2. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

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    You aren't alone. Most guys aren't banging five different chicks a week. That's about 1% of guys.

    How we talk to ourselves makes all the difference. We've all got unexamined beliefs that hold us back, beliefs we don't even realize we have. Ways of thinking that fundamentally limit what we are capable of accomplishing. Finding a good therapist could help you work through and improve your inner dialogue.
     
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  3. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    Mate , you have a self esteem issue ( like most people)
    I had the same issue but i worked on it.
    Here is what i did :
    Hardmode ( day 93 today)
    Deep Breathing 20 min b4 sleeping.
    Exercise.
    Affirmations ( written verbal and audio)
    If u do all or some of the above you will be a different man i can guarantee that.
    I used to get scared too but around day 60 something in me clicked and i approached women with so much confidence.
    The brain is constantly changing and rewiring.
    Constantly remind your brain of your destination and it will take you there.
    Try it. It works.
     
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  4. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    Dont worry , your not alone i also have a muscular body(altough not much as yours as im smaller 1.78m and 82kg ) and i also have hard time aproaching girls, but at least its easier to atract them much more easy
    Continue NoFap and things will go better
     
    ndotto likes this.
  5. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I feel sorry for the guy who's banging 5 chicks a week. i envy the guy who has one person whom he can connect with.
     
  6. ndotto

    ndotto New Fapstronaut

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    Okay, I know that's not most guys and I don't wish this for myself either, I just wanted to point out the other extreme.


    That's actually a good idea, I never thought about this. I will try getting to 90 days first though and see what changes, but i'll keep it in mind. Thanks @Garek.


    Wow, this really gives me hope. I do some breathing exercises, but not 20 min more like 5 (wim hofman if you are familiar). But i meditate 20 minutes before i go to sleep, i end up thinking about something most of the time tho, so i will try to better this, maybe paying attention to my breath.
    I will definitely stick to NoFap too, the first 10 days were easy, but on the 11th i got a bit horny, but i think i can manage this, now that i know it can help me.
    About Affirmations i did this in the past but probably not long enough (2 months), but i just got a new book about the subconscious mind ("Power of your subconscious mind" by Joseph Murphy). I really hope it will give me some insights, because my problem is 100% mental and it's my subconscious program, that keeps me back.

    So what happened after 60 days, did you approach someone? That's so inspiring. I mean i guess i will still have a lot of fear then, but if it just gives me a little push this might do it for me. Thanks a lot @Di.Do.555!


    Your right, i don't see the benefits now, but it's gonna help me as soon as i get over my fear probably. I will continue Nofap and see what happens, good luck to you.
     
    cadia guardsman likes this.
  7. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks.
    Yea i have no fear. I register my interest by looking at her , if she responds i proceed to chat with her. It comes naturally now.
     
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  8. cadia guardsman

    cadia guardsman Fapstronaut

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    Bro thats also a great motivation to me to keep the nofap hardmode journey, thanks for the words!
     
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  9. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

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    My pleasure. In the mean time, I'm sure NoFap Fitness would appreciate your contributions. :emoji_beers:

    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?forums/nofap-fitness.305/
     
    ndotto likes this.
  10. ndotto

    ndotto New Fapstronaut

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    Ok i'm going to have a look at it, thanks


    Damn no fear at all, thats sick. You did have fear before your streak? How/where did you do it? i'm curious :D thanks for your encouragement
    And what kind of affirmations did you use? Did you come up with them yourself or you found them somewhere online?
     
    Di.Do.555 likes this.
  11. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    You have a basic need as a man and it is mating with women.
    But if u do pm , you kill that need.( the brain thinks u have achieved your goal)
    If u stop pm the brain will change itself to help u get your needs met.

    As for the affirmations i do plenty :
    1- at the gym ( when it was open) i used to keep my phone in the locker and kept repeating to myself ( i am strong)
    2- i do write my affirmations 15 times every day
    - i am a confident and charismatic man
    -i am strong and capable.
    -i embrace responsibility.

    that is part of my affirmations.
    have customised the affirmations to suit my goals.

    I never mention women or my goals in my affirmations as it always stir up some old emotions and even resistance.

    if u need any help please dm.
    i am always happy to share my experiences.
     
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  12. LordQuas

    LordQuas Fapstronaut

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    Ae you sure of that? I feel envy here.
    He can bang 5 chicks per week and connect deeply with one or 2 of them.
    Personally I'd like to bang 5 different chicks per week, like a lot of guys.
     
  13. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    that's just my opinion. i dont want to bang/be involved with 5 chicks per week.
     
    LordQuas likes this.
  14. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

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    That might not make you as happy as you think it will.
     

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