Hi guys, I've been reading on this forum a lot i think it's a great community. I recently started nofap and i just relapsed after only 11 days. I don't think i am really addicted to anything related to fapping, i haven't watched porn in like 5 years, but i thought i'd try nofap because i basically try everything. I've just been thinking how tasteless my life was up to this point. Really i try to recall but no joyful moments come to mind, only suffering, fear and pain. It would be a tragedy, if i had to live through these 20 years again. All that ever kept me going was hope, that things were gonna get better, that i will be rich one day, but it's starting to dawn on me, that this is gonna take a loooooong time. I can never be myself in front of other people, I never even knew who i am, all i know is i'm not what people around me always told me i was i.e. shy, quiet etc...i've become that though. I'm 6'3" 200 pounds almost pure muscle but i can't even go up to a woman and start a conversation. Almost piss myself. Seriously how hard do you have to mentally castrate a man in order for him to end up this way??? Other guys go out interact with other people, have sex with 5 different chicks a week, that's just their default setting, how they got into this life. I can't get a date to save my pathetic life. Basically your parents decide for you if you are gonna start life as a mentally healthy person. I know it's my responsibility to fix this mess, but it's not my fault i ended up like this, which makes me really frustrated and angry sometimes. And also it doesn't get any better. I was 150 pounds few years ago, I worked out a lot and i gained A LOT of muscle, but doesn't change anything. I served in the army for 1 year (was a pain in the ass), but didn't change anything. I study 10 hours every day but there is no reward. It's like my whole existence is built around suffering, what's the point? Especially with women these things help me jack shit, because you can look like Gerard Butler in 300 if you don't approach women you are never gonna even talk to one. But these are seemingly the only things i can work on: my appearence, career, that's it. I've tried so hard to approach women, but i can't litterally, i know you think i'm a pussy i wish you were in my shoes for 10 seconds so you could understand it. I've been in this situation for 2 years now and nothing changes. It seems like there is nothing i can do. Was somebody ever in this situation and came out of it? I appreciate your opinion.