Fed up girlfriend!

Sorry to hear about your situation. If your partner is using hookers and porn he has a serious problem that he needs to work on. Sex addiction is a bit more of a vicious animal than porn/masturbation addiction, but it's not completely different. He's going to need to address this problem directly - this is not something that you're going to be able to control. You can offer your support, but ultimately he's only going to get better if he commits 100% to recovery. With sex addiction it's highly recommended that users see a therapist and ongoing group therapy as part of their recovery.

You will also want to be very careful about your involvement in this relationship. Many people get into relationships with addicts because they have co-dependency or other underlying issues themselves. Your habit of being a chronic Miss Fixit may be related to some type of co-dependency -- using these dramatic relationships to distract yourself from your own problems and inner discomfort, and also as a way to keep yourself from being exposed to the risks (and the many wonderful aspects) of true, close intimacy.

My advice is to start a journal here in the Partner Support forum. https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/partner-support.32/ There are many men and women here who share a very similar story to both you and your partner. You should also encourage your partner to seek counseling and to begin a journal here as well. In your own journal you should try as best you can to tell your story - not just the story of this particular relationship. It may help you begin to understand how and why you have invested yourself with an addict.

It's good that you've come here for support and advice. It's a step in the right direction no doubt. I hope both you and your partner can begin to heal and get better. Best of luck to you both.

 

I'm sorry about your situation. This sounds awful. This is the tragic truth of this type of behavior: treating people like objects. It is an assault against another's "being," their deepest personhood. I would have to say you should leave this guy and try to learn from this. Some day he might begin to try to fix himself, but it will be a long and difficult struggle, and it seems like he needs to re-learn a lot about life and undo a lot of bad choices and mistakes, first by waking up to them. There is just something fundamentally wrong there. A person doesn't just wake up one day and think that's a good idea to do that in his girlfriend's car.

 

" He humps you forever"? Is he soft while doing this? Has sex with you every day! What more do you want? Sounds like you want to hook up with a pornstar yourself?

 

Why would he want to change? He has a live-in fuck doll who's unable to leave. He can do what he wants, when he wants, to whomever he wants without losing her. Sounds like he's set for life. And he can always justify that his behavior isn't so bad because it hasn't ruined his relationship.

This is just a classic case of the relationship between an addict and a co-dependent. He can't quit porn and you can't quit the toxic relationship, even though both of you are suffering. Seems kind of romantic right? Two miserable people living their lives together.

I don't mean to be overly harsh and blunt, but there's not a dainty way to put it. Want to know how to not feel like a cum dumpster? Don't be one! I can't advise you to leave this guy - that's not my point. But it's a lot easier to throw your hands up and play the victim than it is to acknowledge that you're the only person responsible for your own well being and take accountability for yourself. It's easier to focus on HIS problems and HIS issues than to face your own dilemma - that you have trapped yourself in a relationship with a person who's emotionally unavailable and an addict.

My intention isn't to get your spirits down. Both of you are capable of complete change and a healthy life together. It's a lot of hard work and it requires absolute, sincere effort in facing your deepest fears head on. You can do it. He can do it. Read the success stories on this site. Keep posting your progress. Fingers crossed....

 

It is nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship with an addict of any kind. An addict may be a kind and lovable person part of the time, but underneath they are selfish and thinking only of satisfying their own needs.

Addicts have needs and desires that are impossible to be satisfied by real life. They are searching for a pain free state of mind... a form of nirvana. Real life sex cannot be compared with the disillusionment inside an addict's mind. Because you love him and want to make him happy you tried to do everything sexually that he wanted. A normal person would be appreciative and satisfied. But an addict is never satisfied with what is given them. They are a black hole that sucks up everything around them and returns nothing. By attempting to bring his porn fantasies to life you have inadvertently made the situation worse. You have degraded yourself and he continues to be unhappy and probably blames you for his misery.

He has gone from old flames to hookers and now porn. He is an addict that has no control over himself. This is a problem as serious as drug abuse or alcoholism. Nothing will improve until he seeks treatment. Instead of indulging him in the hopes he will love you more, you have to insist on setting boundaries and expectations. He cannot go on acting this way because you are both miserable. Therapy is him and probably both of you is the only solution we can see. Until he wakes up and realizes the seriousness of the problem he will continue to spiral down into more and more destructive behaviors.