Feel Like I’m Ruining My Relationship w BF...help..encouragement...please

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Miss Winnie, Oct 6, 2019.

  1. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Currently crying in bed because of how deeply I think I’ve fallen ~

    I’m now 22 & been w my bf for almost 3 years. Throughout the relationship, I’ve tried to not go too far cuz I know it’s not good for me (I don’t want to have sex regularly but I think about it constantly & doing stuff only makes me want it more) and my relationship w my partner, like there’s more to a relationship than the physical stuff & I want those aspects to grow and flourish. My last relationship was a bust cuz towards the end, our relationship was just based off physical stuff.

    NOFAP HAS helped me in the past (440 days no PM was amazing & I felt ao good) before so I want to jot my thoughts again cuz I’m desperate. I’ve been crying as I said again and basically depressed of the issue ~ I almost want to break up cuz I feel so bad about it & I don’t think I’m healthy for the relationship

    So yeah

    Your encouraging words or thoughts would really help me, I really appreciate it and best to you as well
     
  2. Dragydof

    Dragydof Fapstronaut

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    First off, nice work on the 440 days before. Keep that in mind as a motivation!

    Second, I'm not that experienced in mature relationships but I think that a relationship without the physical stuff is also unhealthy. I do know exactly what you mean by thinking about sex constantly, especially when you've just been with someone. How supportive of your situation is he? Cause if I had a gf who I loved, I wouldn't mind having less sex if in the long run it would make her feel better.

    Don't break up just because you feel bad about it, discuss it with him. He could have some ideas that help and if you tell him it will probably make you feel less bad.

    Your last relationship was a bust because of the focus on physicial stuff. If I understand correctly your current one isn't, so that's a big improvement over the last one. Don't forget that.
     
    12&6 and Miss Winnie like this.
  3. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for taking the time to reply. My bf is very supportive ~ it’s just those past depression-like thoughts coming back to tell you you’re a burden & not good and all that.

    But thank you for reminding me that there is still good in this.
     
  4. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Post sex (partner finished, I didn’t but i dont think that’s it) feels empty - and I hate feeling this way after & being down about it & bringing partner’s good mood down

    Sometimes it’s magical, sometimes it’s depressing

    I’m probz gonna wake up feeling better but going to sleep depressed and dissatisfied ugh

    Why can’t I just not & save myself the trouble
     
  5. Daxos

    Daxos Fapstronaut

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    I know how you feel, I think at least.
    Every single time I have been with a girl and we had sex, I felt empty and lost after we had sex. Every single time I feel like I lost myself. Like it was never what I really wanted and needed. I still do not know where this feeling comes from exactly, but I am starting to feel like I am not meant for relationships and bonding with people in a romantic way. I always feel weird when I enter a romantic setting with a girl. I always feel like I am doing something that gives me pleasure, but I know will not satisfy me at all. And every single time it was the truth as I felt empty afterwards.

    I don't know if it is my PMO addiction that caused this feeling, or that it is just how I am. Sounds like you need time alone. You don't have to break up, but you need to find yourself. You need to get lost before you can see the way again. Only after you have wandered of the road, will you realize what road you were even on.

    Try meditation. Meditation is a gateway to having a dialogue with your most inner thoughts. Whenever I meditate, thoughts arise that I hadn't had for years and I get thoughts of my deepest desires.

    I hope this doesn't discourage you and make you feel more down. I am just citing my own thoughts. They could or could not apply to you too.

    But I do want you to know that you being here, in our community, is a blessing. The happiness, connection and resolve is found in our suffering. Our suffering is what defines this forum. This is a place where you can always ask for help, advice, and to find some love from a brother or sister fapstronaut.

    Never forget why you are here. You are here because you are intrinsically wanting to grow beyond your limits. PMO is our limit and demon, and we chose to fight against this. That is no easy feat, and every single fapstronaut deserves a standing ovation for having the courage to break something as destructive as PMO addiction.

    Try to let go of pain, feat and doubt. You will always have somewhere to go, somewhere to be OK and somewhere to feel understood. This community is one of those
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2019
    RobbyGo36 and Miss Winnie like this.
  6. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Wow thank you so much for taking the time to respond with your reflection. Yeah, I’m finding it good to dig deep and let go ~ of thinking so hard about one thing. It’s been helping me focus on other areas of myself and be happier. For sure, I’ve got alone time to just be real w myself though. I’m glad I came back to nofap cuz yeah, it’s like I’m committing to being more again.

    Well wishes to you, my friend. We’re never called to be alone. Community is best.
     
    Daxos likes this.
  7. 12&6

    12&6 Fapstronaut

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    Something so natural for us all is different for us all.
    Congratulations on the days and your pushing ahead. Dont overthink it. Try your best not to. You both need to connect in a positive manner to make your relationship healthy but on each others terms. Do what feels right for you both emotionally and physically when it does.
    In regards to the feeling of feeling empty I want to say something. Im a bit rote but here goes-
    Ive always been a very giving individual. I love taking care of my partner in bed etc. So on my side of things there a bit of "giving". The more the better etc.Thats how I show passion and love and all thats good. Bad thing is that can be misinterpreted (esp if your a man) people would call you all types of names etc or think negative things. I got to a point where I was performing in a sense and now Im the opposite. Id go at it in all manners like a job and didnt mind at all. Still dont. Yet after sex now I get a host of feelings but a sense of love is there still. The passion needs rebuilding is what Im saying for me.
    Dont push yourself to any level you are not comfy w/ because thatll possibly slow your overall emotional evolution on the topic is what I mean. This can cause longvterm issues and form into something else. Dont over think it but dont stress if thats possible. In my experience I could break it down to two schools of thought on the topic- Honestly some people are very much of the "its just sex- literally" mindset. Others its a deep form of communication. I dont judge either but say you should feel comfy w/ you and yourself no matter what.
    Today nofap helps me level out. Both physically and emotionally. I am single by choice and am very aware of my longing for a girl at times. Emotionally as well. Shes out there though. Ill find her at some time when I feel it or take it upon myself to look. Until then Im focusing on being the best me to give to her.
    Congrats on your day count and keep positive an focused but be not so hard on yourself.. it sounds like your growing into emotions you arent sure of how they should feel like just yet. Were all mapping a dark room. Just be careful when you find the switch! Youll use it often. Lol...You got this!!!
     
    Miss Winnie likes this.
  8. Miss Winnie

    Miss Winnie Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your input & way of explaining! Lived the comparisons
    I’m feelin good
     

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