Feel that I cannot tear myself from P completely

You can live without it! You've just got to train yourself to do it. All porn is bad for you. Doesn't matter if its hard or soft, downloaded or live from internet. Delete everything you've saved and find some way to stop yourself from surfing for more.

Either do this properly or not at all. You won't get to your goal while your mind knows there is some porn saved on your hard drive in case you need it. YOU DON'T NEED IT!

 

Yea I kno I went like 78 days hard mode relapsed without porn. Idk how long it was without porn like 5 months but still I got into a situation were there was access and I was kinda stressed and burned out and bam I succumbed.

You just have to reevaluate change whatever you need to and keep going. Drastic terns cause for drastic measures

 

Find the need for which porn is the substitute and fulfil it wisely, in a healthy manner; for example maybe porn is a way of dealing with loneliness and fend off depression.

Here are some helpful youtube videos related to this topic:

Do you really know what you need?

A simple and powerful awareness exercise

 

Lately I have really wanted to go back to the world of fantasies. Not necessarily in the chat room where I used to hang out but perhaps through some other means, like writing on a not-really-erotic forum. Just participating in discussions about sexuality, what I would like to do etc.

Somehow I feel I'm suffocating my sexuality by keeping away from that but I really fear going back to PMO if do something like that.

Hardcore P I can live without but should I really turn off all other sexuality besides very vanilla sex with my wife? I guess as an addict I should but right now I really don't want to do it.

 

Am I right to assume that you have fully rebooted, considering your excellent 123 days abstinence from masturbation and porn? If so, I am not sure why you would experience a yearning to "go back to the world of fantasies". Why go back tomtom?

 

You could talk to your wife about spicing things up somehow. No reason sex with your wife has to be vanilla.

 

I would assume I have rebooted, especially given that I am one of the older guys, but some things still seem to trigger old urges and they left me wondering what are the limits for me, what is ok now and if that will still change over time.

I have tried to spice up our sex life for a long time but have not really been very successful. I used to rationalize my PMO habit with the vanilla sex life and for a while I was already quite happy after quitting PMO with getting my erection back and being able to cum with her. Maybe this is just one phase and things will turn out fine.

 

You need to learn to let go. I know that may sound cliché but it's true. There will never be a time or situation that porn will be beneficial or needed. You are strong enough, right now. You always have been. Stop lying to yourself. Take a deep breath and let go of porn.

 

Not if you have psychological scars and such. Sometimes there are memories and emotions that need to be properly processed, etc.

 

try using the "clean house" tactic https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/block-site/eiimnmioipafcokbfikbljfdeojpcgbh?hl=en

Get this for your broswer, they have it for firefox as well. download it and go through and block all of the pornsites, especially after your next relapse. Redirect all of them to nofap, Also all of your favorite catagories or keywords can be blocked on there as well, so when you type one in a search or when you go on a site with that particular key word it will redirect you to nofap. this should help you from getting tempted or accidentally tempted. so an example would be if you block the word potato and you type it in a search it will redirect you to nofap, or if you go on a site with the word potato on it, it will automatically redirect you to nofap. Also if you have google chrome, lock safe search on it as well.

 

Rewiring takes time , don't be too harsh on yourself.
just remember everytime you relapse you're learning not to do it the next time , you have more equipment for the next battle

 

This is awesome advice!!! I hope it's OK with you, but I want to add this quote to my sig.