Feeling alone and can't stop thinking about a girl because of it.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Yashar, Nov 17, 2016.

  1. Yashar

    Yashar Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone

    It's kind of a long story but I felt that I need to share it. I am 20 years old, heavily interested in Martial Arts and at a changing point in my life. I broke up my apprenticeship 2 years ago because I wanted to live my dream. I started developing an App, not caring whether it would be successfull or not but if it would've been I would've used it to train MMA in a really professional way so I could live my dream of stepping into the cage. I've been doing kickboxing for some years and I started training MMA some months before I broke up the apprenticeship. I've let myself go and did a lot of things that were not healthy for me. I smoked and sold a lot of weed, did some burglaries and other stuff. All these things were terribly wrong and I knew it but I just did things like that to forget other stuff that happened in my life. My Father was very abusive towards my whole family and always told me that I was a piece of shit and would end up on the street. Maybe I thought this was true and because of that I did all these things that confirmed his words. I don't blame him though. I decided to do all of this so it was my mistake. I started training again more recently some months ago and I decided to walk away from almost all the friends I had. Don't want to live like that anymore and these people were not really my friends. Now I'm training every day for multiple hours and even if my body feels a bit fucked it feels great.

    I know this is more for introverts and I think I'm more of an extrovert (Actually I'm somewhere in between) but I actually don't know where to post this and I like introverts more because most of the time they can relate to certain emotions more than extroverts.

    So to get to the point:
    I'm feeling alone. I kinde feel alone since years. Even when I'm with "Friends" or family i feel alone. I think the reason is the simple fact that these people think completely different and I'm not surrounded by a single person that things the way I do. So one day (almost a year ago) a Dude I know (Actually like the guy but for some reason never spend time with him) talks about his girl which I actually tried to get to be together with my in first grade and says she would love me. He talked about trying to get us to see each other and stuff but it never happened. So one day out of curiosity i look up her Instagram and the quotes she posted kinda described a lot of things that went (and still go) through my head. I felt like she would be a person that could understand me and since then I often stalk her. I tried to get her out of my head but it's just not working. I saw her like three times. The first time she looked at me and she might have realized I was the boy that proposed to her in first grade and she smiled. After that I actually looked up her Instagram for the first time. One time (the last time) I made eye contact and she did too but in a strange way. She looked at me the way a mother looks at her child when she's disapponted. It was some months ago and I was smoking tons a weed and doing all kinds of wrong things. I couldn't talk to her. I was too anxious. And I tend to fuck up every time I am really interested in a girl. But here comes the question: Do I only think I really "like" her? I don't know her. The first and last time I talked to her was in first grade. I only saw these quotes she posted and thought: "Wow, she's the person I could have these deep conversations about emotions, life and all the other stuff with." And the fact that she's pretty must've done a lot of things in my mind too. So I'm constantly asking myself if I'm just desperate and lonely and just looking for one single person that cares. I can be honest to myself but is it like that? One side of me says it's only because of that but then there's another side that tells me that I should follow my gut instinct. I also often think that I'm not good enough. She's a really smart girl and she will join a university pretty soon (at least I think so, she has all the qualifications). She's also from a really good family. And then there's me, I don't have any education, no job, no money. I only have my dreams that keep me going everyday. I hit rockbottom and I'm building myself up. I think it's a good thing on one side but I also think that she wouldn't accept someone like me as her boyfriend. I would like to talk to her and I wouldn't even care if she wouldn't accept me because if she doesn't there's no reason for me to be with her anymore. I'm an optimist and I have crazy will. I usually don't stop until I get where I want to be and I know that one day everything will be alright. Also I often think that I might subconsciously believe that she could give me something I don't have. Real Love for example. I'm always kinda imagining how I would get her in the gym, she would start to train with me and then we would be on this journey together because she would fall in love with the sport (and me of course). Haha! I know it's crazy but it don't care. Maybe I'll see her again since both of us live in the same small town in Switzerland but I just want to know what you guys think. Am I just thinking like that because I'm actually alone?

    I'm a virgin btw. Don't know if this is important.
     
    • Hi! From my experience i can tell you might be in danger because of how you think. Don't daydream about other people especially when it comes to girls. I use to make so much stories in my mind with every girl that i like and that made me suffer a lot. You need to focus on the present moment for 80% of the time 10% to make plans for the near future 10% to think about the mistakes in the past and not doing the same mistake again.
    • Feeling alone doesn't have to scare you or make you suffer. I am in the same situation most of times because people don't understand me and don't like the way i see life. I spoke with older people and they told me that you might have 3-4 real good friends in your life and they usually don't come in the same time. That's why we need to don't expect anything from others. We should try to be there for anyone but don't expect anything from them. The more emphatic we try to be the more happy we are going to be (it's natures law).
    • As a man you are the one who makes the first step. You are the one who tries to get the girl. Don't expect anything from girls because they don't like a man that thinks like a girl ( girls usually wait for "the one"). You must be the one. Don't ask girls how to be around them in order to like you (BAD IDEA). As a man you have the power within.
    • There are very low chances on having a smarter girl than you. You have to choose between studying more or getting the right girl for you. Girls become frustrated if they take the charge for too much time in the relationship.
    • Being a virgin is not such a big deal. Having in mind that you are a virgin and that is a weak point is a big deal. When you are in a discussion with a girl you should never say something like "well you know... i'm a virgin and i don't have that much experience". If a girl asks you something about this you should say "Yes. I'm a virgin. So what? What's the hurry? I haven't found the right one yet".
    • The ultimate advice in making your life better is to study every aspect of your life. There are books that explain every aspect of your life and how to improve it, books on how to get women, ( i do have a good one that I can send you if you want), books on nutrition, books on having a successful life etc.
    • Btw. You are not alone. We are here for you and we need you as much as you might need us. God bless you, my friend!
     
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  2. Yashar

    Yashar Fapstronaut

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    Hey Sir, thank you for the advice!

    I knew a lot of these things already like the thing about daydreaming. I kinda gave up working on it because I'm a really active daydreamer. I always was.

    I also know that I have to take the first step and all that stuff. I've read books on getting girls. I also never ask them how to be around them. I often think to myself that when I see her the next time I will have to make the first step because no matter what she says I can close the book. See, I'm not even that afraid that she wouldn't accept me because then I could finally move on. I think the daydreaming part just fucked everything up. And that time I saw her while I was high I was just at a very low point with my confidence.

    She might be smarter than me on paper but I think that a lot of people underestimate me when it comes to intelligence. I actually like the idea of being with a girl that's smart, or even smarter than me. I like to have deep conversations since I have no problems talking about things like emotions and making myself vulnerable. I surprised people that should've been smarter many times when I had conversations with them. The thing that fucks with my confidence is the fact that she has lived pretty much the opposite of my life. As I said she's from this good family and there doesn't seem REAL trouble around her. I know what I'm thinking is wrong and I also know that I should stop thinking about her at all. Or what would you say?

    And I also don't care at all about the fact that I'm a virgin. Don't feel insecure about it. Not even a bit. I actually never care what people think but I thought that maybe the fact that I am a virgin is one reason I think about her that much? I don't know.
     
    • I don't think that being a virgin makes you think about her that much.
    • I think that you should not think about her. You should do something in order to get her. If it works very good, if it doesn't at least you will not have a reason to think about her. Our mind thinks about things that are non conclusive.
    • If she's from a good family might be a +. Usually opposite poles attract each other.
    • Make a good plan. Go and get the girl! :) Good luck!
     
  3. Yashar

    Yashar Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. It was really helpful.
     
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  4. IggyIshness

    IggyIshness Fapstronaut

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    dont depend on other people for your happiness
     
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  5. Yashar

    Yashar Fapstronaut

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    You're right man.
     

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