Feeling depressed and lonely

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Arkarion.23, Nov 8, 2015.

  1. Arkarion.23

    Arkarion.23 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    hope this is the right section. I don't think it is right to post it at relationships, because there is no more such thing. My Ex GF contacted me about 4 days ago and asked how i am. We broke up in July and it also lasted only six months. She was not able to give me any emotional attention or warmth, we cuddled and kissed, but i never heard something like "I've missed you" etc. from her. Time was really tough, she was cold as ice mostly and pushed me away. I felt like dieing of thirst. It also was a long-distance relationship and we were seeing each other like once in a month. My P induced ED made intimacy complicated. In June it was too much for me, so i asked her why she kept pushing me away. So she told me that she got scared by the emotional closeness, because it is hard for her to cope with that. I didn't want to leave her, because I loved her with all my heart, so I told her I would stay by her side ,but leave her alone if she needs distance. I told her also i wouldn't contact her, so if she wants to chat or meet, she would have to initiate it. But she didn't. She started only a few conversations and then stopped responding. So after a month I asked her again, if she wants the relationship to last or not. She instead charged me with ignoring her and said that she want to change her emotional bonding issues, but she could not work on this while in a relationship. I had enough of the craving for her, so we ended the relationship. The passing months have been hard for me, but i managed to feel better and move on.

    Now four days ago, she asked how i was doing. That simple question brought back so many feelings and thoughts about her and us, that I was confused how to treat this. I told her then, that time has been hard for me, that one part of me still misses her, etc. Her response today was bone breaking. She told me that she feels sad for me, but wanted to tell me, that she and her Ex BF gave each other another chance and are planning their life together. For a moment I thought my heart had stopped! How can she be so cruel??? I thought she couldn't hurt me any worse, but she did. I just feel depressed and like a piece of shit now ... =(
     
  2. ShatterTheCeiling

    ShatterTheCeiling Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that was a D-bag move on her part. You'll survive, though. I mean you might become super cynical concerning relationships, but you will live. On the bright side, at least she pulled this stunt now and not after you had married her, had two kids, and a mortgage with her name on it.
     
    Arkarion.23 likes this.
  3. ShatterTheCeiling

    ShatterTheCeiling Fapstronaut

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    Also, I would like to go out on a limb and say that move has hindered your recovery. I know I usually do pretty well until my emotions go haywire.
     
  4. Mr notToday

    Mr notToday Fapstronaut

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    Hmmm... man just step forward, forget her. There are about 4.500 million women on earth, and you lost the perfect one? hmm... how many women did u meet till now?
    In case you met 1 thousand women, at least 4499,999 milion would be still missing.
    Take the break up as battle which will make you stronger and use it for your future quests, and believe me, there will be future quests.

    -Go running in the street
    -Make pushups
    -Eat bananas (yes they help with the good mood)
    -Read comments here and try to help.
    -Think of a positive sentence when she comes in your mind like "I don't need <her name> to be alright" and repeat it as much as you can while u smile and think you are fucking awesome. Trust me, if u say it convinced you will end up believing it (neurolinguistic programming)
    -Humans look for stability, having someone gives you stability specially if you are in need. Learn to be stable by yourself, do not step back, she will not bring you the stability anymore, she never brought u the stability u need in fact.
    -When u feel depressed and lonely at night repeat to yourself "What the fuck I'm doing here sad, desperate and nearly crying like a pussy when I'm fucking awesome!!!!" and remember to smile while saying it, again, you will end up believing it.
    -BE AWESOME!
    -And do not watch porn :)

     
  5. Arkarion.23

    Arkarion.23 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys for your kind words! Today is a bit better!

    You're god damn right man. I only relapsed because she wrote me days ago and I got her on my mind again. I hope this erase now will be permanent. I deleted every contact info of her and put her on every ignore list possible. I am still feeling depressed, but not as much as the night before. I only slept for 2 hours -.-. Maybe take some rest now
     
  6. getmylifeback91

    getmylifeback91 Fapstronaut

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    Hi Arkarion, sounds to me that you're going through a hard time with your ex-gf being an asshole towards you and rejection and withdrawal symptoms and all that. U feel really shitty and wish that things will get better. I would give you a bro hug if I can. I hope that you stay strong during this difficult moment and we know you can as humans are resilient. These tough moments will only last a while, and who knows you may meet an even more awesome girl in the future! :)

    Take care and know that you are not alone in feeling this way.
     
  7. Arkarion.23

    Arkarion.23 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! Especially for the hug ;-). Today was a good day. Yesterday was a bit tough, but in the evening I played some billiards with friends and took a few drinks. That was of much help. Today was even better. I woke up with strange feelings, also some thoughts about that bitch of an Ex-GF. But then I went for my Zen-meditation course at university I have every Tuesday. Was really groundbreaking for me. Normally I have problems gazing 30 minutes against the wall and trying to let things go. Today was different. It really gave me comfort, I could let things pass. I thought about my Ex, but the thoughts didn't matter in some way, I could just let them fade away. I came to the conclusion that she is of no importance for my existence. And I could really feel this with all my mind and body. I felt so free while meditating. And I realised that we have everything we need, just because we exist. That all the things we chase in our lives, even if these are serious things like sincerely relationships, but especially if it is just some kind of joy for the moment (buying stuff, sex, alcohol, etc.), it doesn't really matter. In the end these are not the things that make you happy or give your life a deeper meaning. This has to be done by ourselves. And the best way to do so, is to learn to frustrate cravings. To live with that. To learn that cravings don't matter. And it doesn't have to be a fight against it. Something i thought before. But this needs so much energy! If you fight something, you make it stay till the fight is over! If you just let it go, it will be a lot easier! Thanks for your support!
     
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2015

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