Feeling good, but sometimes I want to feel pain(?)

Hi!

Okey, I feel like this is very weird, and I don't really understand why I do this sometimes. So I am wondering if someone else is going trough the same thing sometimes.

Okey, one - two years ago, I went trough a lot of shit. I have had a very "stable" life before that, where not too much have been a problem to me. But the end of 2017 and 2018, was pretty shit for me. It was not just one thing that made me "depressed", but it was a lot that happend at once, which made it really difficult for me to handle. I started to struggel, every single day. I have struggled a lot in the start of 2019 too, but at the start of the summer, it changed a lot. I feel normally very good now. I feel like I have learned a lot about myself, and have grown a lot with more experience in life after all the bad shit.

During the time I was really depressed I kind of was digging myself deeper and deeper into a pit of pain. Sometimes I still do, and I don't really know why I sometimes want to feel some pain.
(This is not really a big problem. My days are going really great, and I know the "digging" will stop very soon. But was wondering if someone who are happy today, sometimes like to feel some what pain? I don't really know how to describe what pain I am even searching for).

But to make it clear once again. I am feeling good, and sometimes I just "enjoy" listening to sad music or something like that, but I am not really sad anymore. I feel great.

Is this some sort of weird thing that my brain does to me, since I got really used to be in pain? That the brain wants to get back to something it "knows"?

NOTE: I don't really know if I suffered from depression, I did not visit a doctor or anything to confirm it. But I was at least in a lot of pain during a periode. ¨

Thanks for the read, and hopefully some thougths!

Have a great day/nigth!