Feeling guilty about sex

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Mobius, Jul 27, 2016.

  1. Mobius

    Mobius Fapstronaut

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    Im currently on day 75 and just this morning, i lost my virginity. The reason im feeling guilty is because im afraid i ruined my streak and my anxiety and brain fog is coming back, or could this be a placebo because i think this way? Is that the case, must i avoid sex too or is it just porn and MO i must avoid?
     
  2. Hotshot

    Hotshot Fapstronaut

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    Avoid pmo. I've had sex 5 of 7 days a week for the last near 2 years and no fog, no regrets. I honestly doubt I could have quit watching porn if it weren't for my wife having sex with me. Enjoy it, that's one reason why you quit in the first place.
     
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  3. Diomedes

    Diomedes Fapstronaut

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    It's not sex that makes you feel down, it's orgasm.

    Most like them when having sex, others get moody for over a week afterward, while the initial endorphin rush gives substantial pleasure.
     
  4. Mobius

    Mobius Fapstronaut

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    ah thanks so much, thats a huge relief!
     
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  5. The Eleven

    The Eleven Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations. Beware of the chaser effect -- you had one O, now your body will want more -- but there's no particular reason why you should not be able to have sex as long as you're avoiding P and M.
     
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  6. Mobius

    Mobius Fapstronaut

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    This morning i was having a serious anxiety attack thinking that just because i O'd, even though it was with a real person, my mind won't stop trying to treat it like a relapse, like im back to the same anxious state i was in 75 days ago, but from what you guys are telling me, i think its placebo, tell me what is the difference between watching porn and having sex with a real person in this sense?
     
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  7. The Eleven

    The Eleven Fapstronaut

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    The whole point of a reboot -- of abstaining from PMO -- is to rewire your brain. After prolonged PMO, you have literally created neural pathways in your brain designed to facilitate your body's response to artificial images and your own touch. Avoiding PMO helps to start breaking those new pathways down. Having sex with a person helps build up and reinforce the old neural pathways, facilitating your response to the sensory stimulation you receive from a real person in real sexual situations. And that's a good thing.

    There are certainly situations where a hard mode reboot is necessary. I can't tell you for sure that you're not in one of those situations. But generally speaking there is nothing wrong -- and plenty right -- about having O's as the result of actual sex with an actual person.

    If you want to read more about the science, check out yourbrainonporn.com. Lots of resources there. But my main advice to you is this: Don't overthink it. Just avoid P and MO, and try not to get too bogged down in the "rules".
     
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  8. MsPants

    MsPants Guest

    Rewiring with a real person is what you want eventually anyway. You've made it 75 days hard mode and that's amazing! You may experience some symptoms and be aware of the chaser affect but remember that the sex you just had is what you want to continue having rather than resorting back to your addictive ways by yourself. Your body and brain need to rewire with real sexual experiences with a real person.
     
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  9. Les_Brown

    Les_Brown Fapstronaut

    If you love your partner, then rewiring with that individual via sexual intimacy is the best way to accelerate your reboot process, given that you have already spent a considerable amount of time on "hardmode." You may decrease the feeling of guilt by recognizing that sexual intercourse is not only healthy, but also a beautiful way to connect with another human being. If you perceive it as "fucking," then you will feel guilty because you will be no different than a porn star. However, if you take your time, explore your partner's body thoroughly, and "make love," you will feel less guilty because it no longer resembles the sexual interactions many of us observed in porn.

    I would also advise you to consider practicing Karezza sex. It may help dissipate your anxiety, as it calls for a greater focus on the appreciation of your partner's body without engaging in orgasm.
     
  10. Mobius

    Mobius Fapstronaut

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    Yeah i dont really love this girl, i barely even know her, is it really that bad, was it really more like a relapse?
     
  11. No, mate, it's not.

    Sex is real. The girl you were with is real. Porn and your hand is simulated sex. Look at it this simple way, what we are all trying to do here is get back to nature. The natural way we should be attracted to people, respond to people, and interact with people. Porn and your hand is not what nature intended. What is intended is that you do what you did. Feel attraction, find mutual liking or loving, and follow through with that.

    Rest easy, mate.
     
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  12. Mobius

    Mobius Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, and thanks to everyone else, youve all been such big helps
     
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