Feeling Hopeless

So on Saturday I relapsed and since then things have been really rough. My anxiety and OCD have never been so bad. They get worse every time I relapse and right now they're worse the they've ever been. I have been seeing a therapist for this though. I've also been really depressed. I've had some thoughts of suicide, but I always quickly rule out suicide as a solution. The situation I'm in and the damage that's been done is repairable. I can fix this and turn my life around. Sometimes that seems impossible though. I haven't achieved much success with NoFap after my big relapse. My big relapse is when I relapsed after going 121 days without masturbating and viewing pornography. Towards the end of those 121 days life was great. Those were some of the best days of my life. I wish I could go back in time and on that day I relapsed choose not to do it, but obviously I can't do that. I've just gotta keep trying. I've been a member of NoFap for two years and one thing I noticed is that if you relapse after a long streak you will relapse a lot and struggle until you get a good streak going. I never went from having a long streak to immediately having another long streak. It's never been that way for me. Maybe it has for some of you guys, but never for me. Now I know it depends a lot on me and my willpower, but I believe if I'm loyal to God he can help me end this struggle. I'm trying to pray everyday and read the bible a couple times a week. Also I'm trying to go to confession at my local church. It's hard because confession is only on Saturdays and I can't go this Saturday. I can't go next Saturday either. I guess I'll just have to wait. I want to go to confession because I haven't gone in years. I haven't committed any horrible sin that is eating away at my conscience. I want to go because I feel guilty for all the masturbating and porn watching I've done. I also want to go because I would be receiving God's grace which would help me beat my addiction and turn my life around. When I pray that's what I always ask God for. It's what I want right now more than anything. There's nothing I want more than to beat my addiction and turn my life around. Sometimes I feel hopeless, but I know that if I try hard enough I can beat my addiction. It wouldn't be easy, but is anything that's really worth it easy?