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Feeling like im unable to ever have a happy relastionship

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Syx19, Dec 9, 2018.

  1. Dec 9, 2018 #1
    Syx19

    Syx19 Fapstronaut
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    Hi guys thers a long time since my last post on this site

    just some basic info about me im 19 im a virgin i never had a girlfriend
    I started nofap in early 2017 because i saw this video on youtube from this guy who said his life changed 360° because of nofap and i actually got pretty ashamed ofd my addiction because vanilla porn was lame since so many years already and i got adidcted to sissy porn so i started and i got a few lower streaks like 10,30,20 and then one day i was like fuck it i dont do this again and well i kept that mindset for over a year i had like close to 400 days started a lot of new habits like going to the gym cold showers stuff like that but i actually got really depressed i assume it came from sexual frustration and also because i changed my life so much and still it felt like nothing changed i thougth nofap would be this magic thing that helps me find the purpose in life but it wasnt and from like november 2017 to february 2018 when i relapsed i had a hard time i often came home go in my room and cry for like no reason i just was super sad i also had a lot of suicidal thougths

    and rigth now i just see no reason to start nofap again it just seems like something that wouldnt help me anyway because at the end of the day i would still feel lonley and depressed

    and im in this weird state of wanting a relastionship so bad because i feel so lonley but at the same time everything about it scares me i already think about so much stuff that possibly can go wrong that i just think it wouldnt be worth pursuing

    and i mean thats not the only thing that scares me im scared of pretty much everything in life im scared of new things scared of other peoples opinion scared of taking charge scared of taking responsability and my biggest fear of all making a mistake

    im so scared of failing at literally anything that i sometimes wish i could just live my whole life alone at home and some day just jump of my balcony

    this video here basically is my life and trust me you cant understand hooww much this sucks and i really dont know how to handle all this shit

     
    Syx19, Dec 9, 2018
    Syx19, Dec 9, 2018
    #1
    Atlanticus likes this.
  2. Dec 9, 2018 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    In life there's no such thing as losing. You either win or you learn.
     
    Deleted Account, Dec 9, 2018
    Deleted Account, Dec 9, 2018
    #2
    incog23, Atlanticus and CH3RRY like this.
  3. Dec 9, 2018 #3
    Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
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    In life there is no such thing as "winning" (based on a false comparison with others). We're on our own trajectory. We either learn, and thus grow (when we practice what we've learned), or we don't.:)
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2018
    Atlanticus, Dec 9, 2018
    Atlanticus, Dec 9, 2018
    #3
    Carrotman and incog23 like this.
  4. Dec 9, 2018 #4
    Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Build a life you can be proud of and then deal with finding a relationship.
     
    Ra's Al Ghul, Dec 9, 2018
    Ra's Al Ghul, Dec 9, 2018
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    incog23 and CH3RRY like this.
  5. Dec 9, 2018 #5
    Atlanticus

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    Hey guy!
    Your words sound real.
    NoFap is great, but it's for breaking a very destructive habit -- so that you can build a healthy life. Despite what may or may not happen neurologically, it's not the brain that makes your life fulfilled. So to reboot for 400 days (!) is excellent; it shows great willpower; but it cannot do the other (to my mind more important) part, i.e. build a constructive, meaningful life for you. If that's what you were waiting for, it's no wonder you feel frustrated and despondent now; NoFap does not do that so that will not come.
    Since you know how to get clean, the question is what are you going to fill your life with, and why? A good place to start is with determining what you're good at (no, I mean other than sex), what you're interested in, what you feel is important, what you can contribute, what people (again, with their clothes on) will like when you do it, etc.
    Another route is spiritual, for in the end we are all individuals. Why are we here? How can we grow to our full inner and outer capacity, etc.? How can we -- and why would we -- face and overcome our fears?
    I'm not trying to preach here, but we can always PM about any of this if you prefer.
    Hang in there, guy! You sound like a strong and principled person who can achieve a lot (including satisfaction....err... fulfillment!):)
    Thanks for the video, by the way: very nice!
    Cheers!
     
    Atlanticus, Dec 9, 2018
    Atlanticus, Dec 9, 2018
    #5
  6. Dec 9, 2018 #6
    Syx19

    Syx19 Fapstronaut
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    Well i get what your trying to say but its a little diffrent im in this for a long while i noticed that nofap itself wont be the thing that changes my life thats something i have to do so like i said i started a lot of stuff i got much more into sports jogging on sundays for like 2 hours hitting the gym 3 times a week changed my eating habits to healthy stuff showerd ice cold everyday i got more confident felt like i finally found the purpose but after a while it just felt like nothing changed it suddenly just was like well it doesnt feel rigth do life is lame life sucks idk

    Also my mindset changed from when i started to now i mean i started nofap when i was 17 now im 19 even doe im still super young i feel like i got more mature and one thing i had when i was 17 was i thougth succes money thats what i want being up there at the top 1% big cars expensive clothes bitches like yyeeah thats the shit and well its not ahaha because you can buy so much but there is always something more expensive plus the it gets boring after a few days anyway and understanding that really got in my mind because i really didnt know what else matters

    And it got more depressed in the last weeks because i noticed something i did for years and thats in my thougths i mostly not talk to myself its more like an interview like in a talk show where i answer questions i ask myself or just philospoh for myself or talk about how i managed to overcome depression even doe i am rigth now maybe that doenst make sence for you but thats me i guess it comes from me feeling lonley so to forgwt it i imagine being somewhere people listen and care much about my opinion and well that worked well until i told the interviewer that i felt so lonley that i imagin myself talking in a interview in my head....

    It was like an explosion in my head and i was like fuck and since this repeats so as soon as i notice that i talk to myself via interview i tell myself that story and the fantasy colapses


    So i stop now the text is to long anyway i hope you understood what i meant
     
    Syx19, Dec 9, 2018
    Syx19, Dec 9, 2018
    #6
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  7. Dec 9, 2018 #7
    Atlanticus

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    Thanks, guy!
    Actually, I think I got it the first time, I was just trying not to say anything philosophically heavy, coz NoFap wants to keep things ideologically neutral. I get that. That's also why I offered a PM, to take it out of the public.

    But in short what I meant was this: fab that you can break the habit and reboot, great that you can do nice things, but the only way it's going to be meaningful to you, whatever you do, is if there is a reason _why_ you're living your life's contents, i.e. you and only you can give your life meaning and purpose -- for you.

    Life's only boring and "is that all there is" to those who think it's all about _what_ you do, going through motions A instead of motions B -- like working out over playing basketball -- but IMO _what_ we do is not meaningful if there is no higher purpose, goal, or cause to be orienting your life around. In the end, basketball or ping pong or lifting weights, though they may give us a little lift of adrenaline, is sort of 6 one way or half a dozen the other. Filling time is not it. What can give meaning to what we do is the question of why and to what end. But that -- the end, the purpose, the meaning, the cause, the reason -- is for _you_ to decide.

    Best of success!
     
    Atlanticus, Dec 9, 2018
    Atlanticus, Dec 9, 2018
    #7
  8. Dec 9, 2018 #8
    Atlanticus

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    PS: you're right. many lonely people speak to themselves to break the "silence."
     
    Atlanticus, Dec 9, 2018
    Atlanticus, Dec 9, 2018
    #8
  9. Dec 11, 2018 #9
    rob13_

    rob13_ Fapstronaut

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    So you feel lonely, depressed, and down much of the time. I can understand that; I've been there before.

    Perhaps you have actual depression and need to see a counselor/get treatment. But if it stems from only wanting a relationship, you can fix that.

    You say you're scared to fail, scared of people judging you. Buddy, I'm gonna tell ya that most people DON'T GIVE A FUCK about your mess ups. They'll forget it within 5 Minutes, guaranteed. Start putting yourself out there slowly if you can. Talk to everyone you can, both men and women. Work on your conversation skills and, more importantly, confidence.

    When you're ready, start approaching women that you are interested in, and you'll have succesd eventually. Hell, I have horrible acne rn and still were able to get a GF. Anything is possible my guy.

    If you need to talk or anything, feel free to PM me. I wish you the best of luck warrior!
     
    rob13_, Dec 11, 2018
    rob13_, Dec 11, 2018
    #9
    Necessitous likes this.
  10. Dec 16, 2018 #10
    sagia

    sagia Fapstronaut

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    I feel its okey if one goes Off track for a while; what really matters is one desire to come back on track
     
    sagia, Dec 16, 2018
    sagia, Dec 16, 2018
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