Feeling lonely when I am not lonely

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Roffelaar, Dec 23, 2020.

  1. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    Because of Covid19 I had to stop my travelling trip around the world and head back home. I got home in march 2020 and as I gave up my previous appartment to go travelling I am now living with my parents at the age of 27. Nowadays its not easy to find a living accommodation.

    When I was abroad I had the freedom to do whatever I want. Meet new great people everyday and just enjoy life.
    Now I am working a fulltime job, which is perfectly fine. When I come home from work, I am among very sweet parents and sisters. However, they are very insecure human beings who don't know how to get out of their negative mindset. Their negativity overrules me a bit and I am becoming depressed as a result. They are constantly talking about how bad their past was and how much of a dick the surrounding neighbors are, my dad has a problem with alcohol etc etc.

    It hurts me to think that I should not be around them for much longer, just for the sake of my own mental health. I feel lonely being around them because I don't want to hear their negativity anymore. I just want to distance myself from them even though it feels so unfair to me, because they are as I said sweet towards me. They help me with things and are giving me a roof over my head etc. But its just the negativity surrounding them that fucks me up.

    I just want to know, does anyone relate or understands my point of view? I am writing this out of a depressed mindset so I might need to have a 3rd person view from you guys on my situation.

    Thanks fellas
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  2. Hey,

    I think you're well within your right to want to safeguard yourself from things that affect your own mental health, even if it is family. It can be mentally tiring having to support others emotionally, especially if you're naturally unable to be objective. That itself is understandable as, deep down, you probably want what is best for them and dont want to hear they are upset or hurt in any way.

    It's like being on a plane whereby the oxygen masks are dropped for whatever reason... you should put on your own before putting on someone else's so you're better able to help those around you in the long run.

    Take time for yourself to do things you enjoy. Especially in light of the fact that what you should have been doing has been cut short. What do you like to do? Who if anyone can you do them with? Are you able to help find more specialised support for your dad or your family in general so you dont have to bear all the weight? If not, are you able to undertake some training yourself so you feel better able to manage supporting them?

    Just some thoughts, but I hope it helps. People on here always seem happy to help. Reach out if you need help or just need to vent. You might find it helps.

    Take care.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2020
    Roffelaar and blacklabel92 like this.
  3. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

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    Im the youngest out of 3 sisters im the only boy so i know exactly how your feeling rn. All i can tell you is from personal experience. They loved drama and projected their insecurities on me so i had to leave for my owns sanity sake. I see them about once a year and thats enough for me.. Id take a bullet for them any day its just some people arent meant to be together all the time.. Even blood. Don't feel bad.
     
    Roffelaar likes this.
  4. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot for your reply mate, really helps!
    Your words are exactly how I feel and how it is. I don't want to hurt them as they have supported me with so much. They have never been abusive and always wanted the best for me and my sisters. But it's just that negative mindset they have. They don't even notice it themselves as they have been like this for years and its just normal for them to be like this.
    I however am still quite young and can't accept myself in this situation.
    Im glad you find my question totally understandable.

    I have talked to my father about therapy because I believe he is somewhat the main factor for this. His drinking problem and his drooling about his past and about how people dislike him etc. But really getting into the head of a person who thinks he is always right and has a massive ego and to tell him he needs therapy is quite difficult. He thinks he hasn't got issues but he drags my mom down with it.

    I might just give it another go and see if I can get him to change his mind. I have followed a training a couple years ago which helped me massively in my confidence and my overall happiness. But you cant change a person 100% with a training of like a week. So ofcourse I still have my flaws aswell :) but im getting better for myself with small steps.

    Anyway merry christmas fellas :)
     
  5. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Love what ure saying man. Its hard to not feel bad, but I guess thats where it will lead to in the end. Just seeing my parents a couple times a year when I finally find my own place :)

    Merry christmas!
     
    blacklabel92 likes this.
  6. blacklabel92

    blacklabel92 Fapstronaut

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    merry xmas to you and yours aswell bruv! yeah hard not to feel bad. im learning to not dodge the guilt or shame i feel of seeing them once a year. feels better to embrace what your feeling that way moving on is easier.
     
  7. @Roffelaar How are you finding things atm? Hope you had a great Christmas and new year!
     
  8. Roffelaar

    Roffelaar Fapstronaut

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    Hey, thanks for caring brother!:)

    My xmas and new years were fine. Hope u had a good time too.

    I am actually feeling alright. I am slowly making progress in myself to decide for my own happiness. I am trying to pick up meditation which I am slowly seeing the benefits of. Especially in just becoming more relaxed. I also started doing cold showers since a week. And I am stepping up my workouts. Already exercise everyday, but I am just making it a bit more difficult. Doing exercises I really dislike doing helps me a lot :)

    Nothing cured obviously but as long as I keep myself busy and keep doing difficult things for myself I feel good.
     
  9. Hey @Roffelaar

    That's great to hear! And yes,both were nice thanks. Just went too quick but everyone seems to say that haha.

    That's awesome! Itll be worth it in the long run I'm sure :)

    Take care and look after yourself!
     

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