Feeling low.... and broken.....

I've had a really rough day.... I've had so many feelings and thoughts I can't keep one straight from the other. My husband was dragging me down today, and I feel so responsible for taking care of him when he's down. I feel like I can't just cut him off, but I know that's what I need to do. I feel like he pulls me back in by saying, "I guess I won't ever talk about this ever again." He shuts me down and I get angry because that is not how we operate. Then I went and did something really stupid. I went on his Facebook page from when he was dating a woman who participated in his PA with him. He posted so many things about her, calling her his angel, ending every post with a heart and her initials. It was like she was everything to him. He never did that for me. I started wondering if he settled for me, knowing full well I would never participate in his fetish with him like she did. I ended tonight feeling even worse than when I started. I feel like I'm just injuring myself, like somehow I deserve all this pain and sadness, and I just want to make it hurt more, for whatever reason. I can't keep doing this to myself, but I just can't deal with any of this.