Feeling of dissociation?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by imdyinginside, Oct 8, 2021.

  1. imdyinginside

    imdyinginside New Fapstronaut

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    I was watching porn searching for something that would make me feel good.
    During the whole time i spended i wasnt really feeling it. There was some kind of voice in my head saying "why are you doing this? Why are you watching This shit?"
    And even though this voice in my head
    I was masturbating
    I wasnt really feeling it but did it anyway
    I was thinking about the Guilt and sadness that i was going to feel after, and still did it anyway
    I was navigating trough diversed categories of porn
    Searching for something that i dont even know what it was
    And instantly after the relapse i got the feeling like i wasnt myself
    Really confused
    without knowing why do i did it. Feeling disgusted and ashamed of myself
    I showered and went to bed
    grabbed my Phone again and the porn site was still openned
    And even though the feeling of shame i was feeling i keeped whatching and masturbating again for a feel minutes
    The voice in my head saying "again? Turn of your Phone. Close this site. What are you doing? This isnt you"
    Finally after battling with myself for a feel minutes i was able to turn of my phone and finally stopped

    Now im asking myself "Why do i was doing it?? Do i like that shit? Am i fooling myself, lying to myself?
    Went trough diverses categories of porn
    Do i really like it?
    When i think of a real relationship there is nothing to do of what i was watching
    When i fantasize my future and what would make me feel happy theres nothing to do with what i was doing, and what i was watching
    Please help
    What you guys think about it?
    How can i deal with that
    And how can i battle this evil?
     
  2. imdyinginside

    imdyinginside New Fapstronaut

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    It isnt the first time that i feel this way
     
  3. All I can tell you is what has worked for me. I have struggled with this for more than 30 years, and after all this time, here is what is finally breaking this addiction...

    1) Finding a "why" strong enough to get me past the first several weeks of recovery
    2) Develop new thinking patterns and habits during those first several weeks. Stop thoughts about PMO immediately! This phase is a day by day, moment by moment activity requiring constant vigilance. One of the more difficult aspects of recovery.
    3) Deal with past hurts, emotions and feelings in a constructive way. For me, this was also very difficult.
    4) Find other ways to deal with present stresses and anxiety
    5) Be accountable on this forum, and help others where possible​

    Don't fool yourself- this is hard. There is no easy way around it or magic pill you can take to make it go away. It is addiction. You need fight the urges and if you can't do it on your own, get help. Use blockers. Find an accountability partner. Seek counseling. It is possible to beat this, but you will have to dig deep and figure out what works for you. Good luck!
     
  4. seanc

    seanc Fapstronaut

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    I would also say to set goals in addition to your NoFap goals. Those goals can be for physical fitness, money, stuff, relationships, whatever. But PMOing can't be a major part of your life or the thing you look most forward to. As someone else commented this is something that you will have to remain eternally vigilant about. Once that demon is out of the cage it cannot be killed only arrested. Although you do have to remain eternally vigilant don't become overwhelmed by that thought. You only need to get through today. And tomorrow you only need to get through today...and the same the day after. You got this man!
     
    Bob_the_Rebuilder likes this.

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