Feeling powerless and lost.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Zé Cloaca, Oct 17, 2020.

Tags:
  1. Zé Cloaca

    Zé Cloaca Fapstronaut

    11
    20
    3
    I've been in fighting this addiction for 3.5 years.

    The first time I stopped, I did hardmode for 50 days. It was easy. I thought I wasn't an addict, so I tried relapsing. Worst decision of my life. Not immediately, because after that I also had some good streaks. 125 days, 166 days, 70 days...

    But since 2020 I can't get to 30. Last week I was on 18, then I ended things with the girl I was dating and that became the perfect excuse.

    Of course, I already know about all the problems of porn addiction and how it affects me. But I just fell like I am two people. Eventually I will become the man who doesn't care about doing harm to himself. Not because I am sad nor anything (it may be, but not necessarily), I just don't mind it. And then the cycle repeats itself.

    And everytime I am on day zero (like today), I feel like everything I can do to escape this addiction is useless. Like I know I'm gonna lose. I don't stop fight, nor I ever will, but my point is that, if I could fight porn with more hope and 'the eye of the tiger', I think I would do better. I exercise, I only take cold showers (for more than 1.5 years now), I eat healthy, I sleep healthy, I have friends. But it seems I can't defeat porn.

    All I ask is if somebody knows what I can do to try to wake my soul.
     
    Ben teks and Henryforward like this.
  2. Just know your not alone. Just got to keep fighting bud. I'm struggling myself a bit at the moment I wish I had not ended my steak as well. But we will overcome. Take heart.
     
    Zé Cloaca likes this.
  3. DaneyPyotr

    DaneyPyotr Fapstronaut

    One thing they say about addictions is that they are not curable - only treatable. Which would meant we will never defeat porn.
    But maybe it's not about defeating and being defeated? By taking this up as some sort of fight, one can easily end up being split into two.
    One knows what is healthy for him and goes for healthy options, the other waits for an opportunity to step into your life and sabotage your goals.
    Both have needs that may intersect.
    Both are you. Accept that both exist.
    And then reflect, start asking questions. It may turn out that the part of you that goes back to porn is not trying to harm you.
     
  4. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    This is eerily similar to my own situation. When I first started I got to 70 days easily, then relapsed, managed to go on very long streaks, and have now spent 2020 unable to get back to even a month. I really wish I had some great piece of advice to give you but obviously if I did, I would have applied it to myself. What I will say though, is I've noticed that its very easy to fall into a trap where the routine of relapsing is what your brain ends up craving, not always the actual relapse itself. For example, I get insanely strong urges to relapse on a night, because I always used to PMO later in the day, and never ever earlier on. In recent months these urges get even more potent than that between day 10-20 or so, because my brain has become accustomed to expecting me to relapse at around that time. I hope that makes sense.
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  5. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

    417
    705
    93
    Who is that guy on the photo? Its Ze Cloaca?
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  6. Zé Cloaca

    Zé Cloaca Fapstronaut

    11
    20
    3
    You have a very strong point. I will think more about that, how can I conciliate these two selves into finding an agreement. I agree one is addicted for life, an alcoholic can never go back to 'drink socially'.

    Interesting, my cycle is stopping for 10~12 days at most and then binging. Sometimes, when I am at day 5~10, is almost as some part of me thinks I am saving myself for the binge.

    You mean the guy on my avatar? If so, it's Augusto dos Anjos.
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  7. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

    417
    705
    93
    Who is that guy? Your grandfather?
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  8. Zé Cloaca

    Zé Cloaca Fapstronaut

    11
    20
    3
    It's a Brazilian poet. I would have linked if the forum let me, but you could just have looked it up on google too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  9. Queek The HeadTakker

    Queek The HeadTakker Fapstronaut

    417
    705
    93
    Bolsomito is the only brazilian poet i know !!

    Cloroquinaaaaaaaaaaaaa
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  10. TudoBem23

    TudoBem23 Fapstronaut

    244
    519
    93
    I started NoFap 3 months ago and my highest streak is 14 days.... since that I have difficulty to get to one week. Guess it's life.
     
  11. The Stag

    The Stag Fapstronaut

    309
    89
    28
    I've been trying nofap for literally a decade (I'm 27 now). And still here I am, struggling. The most I ever got to was 60-ish days. Lately because of the virus it's been worse than ever. It's hard to date, and easy to isolate...
     
    Zé Cloaca and Henryforward like this.
  12. Best streak I had was about 12 years. Then I discovered fapping. Not good.
    Anyway it's no nut November coming up boys we must all try!
     
    The Stag likes this.
  13. Ben teks

    Ben teks Fapstronaut

    313
    342
    63
    Friend, don't lose hope. Keep trying. You will definitely get success. Try to find out the causes that triggers your mind to relapse and stop them. Take healthy diet. Stop pornography. Read books. Spend time with family and friends. Do yoga and meditation in the morning. Play some sports everyday. The main problem is thinking that you cannot quit this addiction. Half of the people lose hope and they always remain where they are. Doing something is better than doing nothing. We also relapse many times but we never give up.We always think that our next streak will be life changing. We always try to do the next streak with more power and motivation.
    At last, we all know we will quit this addiction. The only thing matters is trying.
     
    Henryforward likes this.
  14. Zé Cloaca

    Zé Cloaca Fapstronaut

    11
    20
    3
    kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

    True, brother. I think we can all go easier on ourselves for we're all passing through really difficult times.]

    You're right. The most important thing is never giving up, and since we're all here we can all be proud of that.

    @EDIT

    Can someone tell me how can I put my streak on my signature?
     
    The Stag and Henryforward like this.
  15. Go to menu. Update day counter. Select when you started.
     

Share This Page