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Feeling really really low

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by 7yearsregret, Jan 31, 2020.

  1. Jan 31, 2020 #1
    7yearsregret

    7yearsregret Fapstronaut

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    (This is gonna be a little long)
    At this point I feel desperate. I want to end this permanently, either myself, or this addiction.

    I am able bodied, thank God, I can see, write, talk, all that. I'm in a wealthy nation. But what good is all that if I betray myself over and over and over? I've made 1000 promises to myself about porn and broken every one of them.

    I get motivated. I make promises. I am willing to do whatever it takes to not go back to that drug addicted, lazy, porn-watching, fantasizing waste of life that I've been for the last 7 years. But I always slip up. I always go back.

    Sometimes it takes a week, sometimes a few days, but I always go back. I feel dirty, evil, helpless, beyond all hope. I have tried every trick in the book, I've tried every method, but it always comes down to the moment when I can choose to go back or to stay on the right path. And up until this point in my life, I've always gone back.

    The solution is so simple: just don't. Why is that so hard for me? I am more privileged than 99% of people to ever live, and I'm squandering it all on stupidity and turning myself into a demon. I'm a vile man. I hate people like me and myself.

    Anyways I can't do this cycle anymore. I just wish I was really willing to do whatever it took to stop every day. I am so prone to changing my mind. I hate this world.

    The sad thing is, what advice can you give someone like me, who has tried everything? It's up to me to do the 'hard part' (not even hard). I'm a miserable, frustrated, evil man.
     
    7yearsregret, Jan 31, 2020
    7yearsregret, Jan 31, 2020
    #1
  2. Jan 31, 2020 #2
    Nedved_43

    Nedved_43 Fapstronaut

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    Hello mate,

    I completely feel your pain. Porn has been one of two major addictions for me for the past seven years - the other being daydreaming where I go into my own world to avoid being myself in real life. Porn supplemented that form of maladaptive daydreaming - I've wasted countless years of my adolescence, lost countless friends and suffered in total silence.

    Anyways I've JUST signed up to this and I'm praying it gives me the strength to overcome the terrible affliction that is porn addiction. I can't really advise you man but I will say that until recently I was a carnivore - all I ate was meat and processed crap. I just decided to go veggy one day and that was absolutely fine for 2 weeks so I thought I'd take the plunge and give up dairy for good measure - it's very early days but I don't crave meat anymore. I'll see how it goes - if I have no cravings then there's absolutely no need to go back and that can only be good for me, my body and whatever. A mental reboot is the Holy Grail but eating better and exercising to feel better is only going to help you achieve that ultimate goal.

    You are definitely not a vile man or a demon. I hope you make it brother. Stay strong!
     
    Nedved_43, Jan 31, 2020
    Nedved_43, Jan 31, 2020
    #2
  3. Jan 31, 2020 #3
    Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    1,787
    5,061
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    It has been one month since the water service did it's job, we might have a blackout for an undefined period of time and today I find out that there is people selling cupcakes for 3 dollars, even when the salary of a month is 2 dollars, and you are complaining about having too "fun".

    Just stop doing it. And don't come at me with:
    "But it's not that easy"
    C__Data_Users_DefApps_AppData_INTERNETEXPLORER_Temp_Saved Images_tenor.gif

    I thought I wouldn't be able to live without internet, or my girlfriend, or my computer, or without a functional family, but I lost all that and I'm still alive.

    Just stop.
     
    Infrasapiens, Jan 31, 2020
    Infrasapiens, Jan 31, 2020
    #3
    engelman likes this.
  4. Feb 2, 2020 #4
    SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
     
    SuperiorMan95, Feb 2, 2020
    SuperiorMan95, Feb 2, 2020
    #4
  5. Feb 2, 2020 #5
    Flyonthewall02

    Flyonthewall02 New Fapstronaut

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    can relate to a lot of what you said. my life was much the same but it wasn't just that it was alcohol, games and food. Wasn't until I felt the peace and love of god that I realized there was hope. like you I tried everything, I even sought out a therapist. But god is the only reason I am better now. Mathew 10:28 come to me all those who are weary and burdened. if you feel like there is no hope and you don't want your life, give it to someone that does. Jesus.
     
    Flyonthewall02, Feb 2, 2020
    Flyonthewall02, Feb 2, 2020
    #5

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