Feeling since nocturnal and spontaneous emission

Earlier this year not long after the new year I had a noctural emission and regrettfully this was with someone who I would not consider having sex with in the real world. However there was a feeling of the desire to release in more pleasant circumstance (like the desire to fap). As for the noctural emission (wet dream) this is the first one I had since 6 years, so I take this as a good sign where my body is starting to function normally (even though to be honest I prefer if I wont have any type of emission, even unintentional ones).

I do have to admit that on some days I did fantasize and allowed cravings to build so that I could see which strategies would work if cravings went beyond control. Examples of methods I have used so far to cut away cravings and urges are the Tibetan 6th rite, urge surfing and Wim Hof combined with cold shower. So far the Tibetan 6th Rite and urge surfing help to take the edge off the urges I generated. Even those urges were not stable and quickly went away without me taking any action, which I was impressed with as usually when I used to PMO the urges can stay for a long time even when I am not feeding them. So I can see some big improvement.

This last week I have to say that I was more aroused more than ever and I was feeling good about it. I was feeling more energetic and empowered and was transforming this energy in different ways such as meditation.

Later this morning I had a very intense strong feeling in one of my testicles. It was a rather intense version of tingling sensation when getting an urge. I was concerned thinking whether I was developing something abnormal. I was about to hit the cold shower but before that I just wanted to palpate my testicles and see if there was something abnormal (I palpate my testicles from time to time to check for any lumps to catch any at the earliest possible stage). When I palpated the testicle which had this unusual sensation then that sensation intensified. Then all of a sudden there was a spasm in the pelvic region where the penis all of a sudden rapidly erected itself. I tried to stop it but it didnt help. Then later a spontaneous emission occurred with no masturbation.

Its just that since this morning, even though I am no where as hear as craving for PMO like I used to, I do have a strong desire to have sex (yes now I prefer the real thing only and nothing less than that). I am worried whether this is a backdoor to a relapse.

Have anyone been in any similar situations? Have anyone had spontaneous emissions and what it feel like afterwards. Is this my body trying to take opportunity to off load any excess masculinity whenever it can?

Because even though I dont want to have any type of emissions regardless of whether they are intentional or unintentional, I felt like I learnt something new about my body that I didnt know before as this was an experience I have never had. Having an unintentional emission still feels bad enough which makes me even more reluctant to masturbate given that the aftertaste is even more unpleasant compared with wet dreams or spontaneous emissions.

I do have to say I have some desire to masturbate which may go away with time. One thing I always keep saying to myself is that if I am intentionally going to release my sperm it wont be anywhere outside of a woman's vagina. Because if not then I wont have a reason to. This was one of the thoughts I keep saying to myself which has helped me a lot in this streak. But still I would need help from those who are willing to provide that to me.

I am in a retreat these days so I cant update my journal.

Need all your support and suggestions from fellow fapstranauts.

 

Would be great to hear some responses.

On a side note I want to say that the 6th Tibetan rite is done only when a sexual urge occurs but not otherwise. Also the 6th rite is done when urges arise usually when the 5 Tibetan Rites are done on a regular basis (preferably everyday).

Also never do cold showers soon after Tibetan Rites. Its better to take the cold shower first then do the rites. If the 6th rite is done to transform the sexual energy of the urge then please wait for sometime before taking a cold shower. If urge is gone after cold shower then dont do 6th rite (as mentioned eariler this is to be done only during an urge).

 

Would like to hear ideas. Anyone had a similar problem?

 

Would be nice to hear from fellow fapstranauts. Need your help

 

I completely feel you. Almost every night I wake up with a rock hard erection.

As for porn it was around 50 days into my reboot that I did't miss it. But also I havnt lost interest in sex yet so if I was to come by sex scenes in films and shows then I would still feel aroused and I think that this is natural.

For me, the two ejaculations I had (from a wet dream and a spontaneous ejaculation), left a bad after taste. Even if they were nowhere near as deliberate as MO I just felt repulsed by it where I cant really see myself MO again.

For now, if I am to reflect honestly about myself, I no longer need porn. Whatever the features of addiction or dependence I had on it is completely gone. But this does not mean that if someone was to show it to me or if I was to see scenes of sex or nudity that I wont be aroused. As for MO, I dont really see myself getting into it again. The closest moment I have had to MO out of the times in my streak were during times when I felt a bit low in moods where I felt like I needed a small dopamine hit, but I keot reminding myself of the after effects of MO and I didnt want to go through such an experience. Also I have put convenient safety nets in place which I hope to keep developing (such as cold showers, urge surfing and 6th Tibetan Rite). I hope to find out more safety measures and put them in place so that I become un-relapsable and un-resetable. Because it is difficult to draw the line as to whether one has fully rebooted or not, for me I hope to aim for complete celibacy because if I can maintain celibacy effortlessly then it means that on my journery to that I would have rebooted long time ago before reaching that flag pole. Also I believe it helps to have high goals by aiming at a far distance to at least have some hope of landing in the middle.

I am in a monastery so I dont have regular access to the internet but I maintain a written journal. When I come out of the monastery I hope to summarise my experience in my NoFap journal.

 

Any other ideas and opinions are welcome.