Feeling suicidal

I can see you've made an effort to stop. Have you tried any new habits to replace the old ones?

 

You are experiencing the brain fog. It's one of the worst symptoms of any addiction because it kind of blocks the regular activity of the prefrontal cortex, not allowing you to think clearly and delving in negative thoughts created by this fake desperate vibe you get in your head. Don't listen to that, it's like I always put it, the body can certainly be dumb at times, you have to rise above it through logic. Best thing you can do is to go easy on yourself, this is a slow process, eventually you will figure out what are the best choices for you to make and progress in recovering. Exercise is one of the best things for brain fog because it pumps oxygen and blood in your brain and that will make your head clearer.

 

No blocker for me but if you think you might be better off with one there's probably more than one thread about blockers.

 

Dude that sounds like you're having your life in order, why are you beating yourself up for this?
There is a huuuge gap between what you're describing and being addicted to heroin.
You're not a loser, you're already in it to win it, cut yourself some slack mate

Btw cold turkey blocker and leechblock in combination will have you nicely contained.

 

I think you should look for ways to change your mindset and the story you tell yourself. It seems to me that the biggest problem modern men are having is proper expression of their sexuality. A significant fraction of us compartmentalized it with porn instead of learning how to relate to women. I don't know if I have any answers yet, but I am pretty sure that I have identified the problem. Porn is a buffer against rejection and failure. Dig for gold where you stumble.