I have decided to re-post this to the rebooting in a relationship forum as well as the 40+ forum, hope this is OK, if not some please let me know that the etiquette is out of line! So I am new on this forum but not new on this journey, and although I have posted a few snippets of my situation, I am feeling the need to share my whole story. It may be a bit long, and you need not read it all, however I feel it is therapeutic to write it down and share it knowing that somebody may read it and feel like they are not alone in this. This is where I am drawing strength and encouragement from, and I thank you all! I am 55 and been happily married for 30 years, have a beautiful wife, two amazing kids who are educated, and both have full time jobs. So in all respects I have a lot to wreck should I not sort this out once and for all. The habit of masturbation started, as most of us, as a teenager but never stopped there. I went through the years of finding porn literature, both written and photographic, and of course then on to the internet. It was about 4 years ago that I was caught by my wife, and this was devastating to her. I tried to justify the fact that although I did this, I was never unfaithful (and this is true) and that it "was OK" because of that. I did however agree to give it up. This I did for a time, however I never gave up masturbation and soon I had resorted to just looking at naked pics, but of course it is a slippery slope and this sent me into a total relapse again. After getting caught watching P yet again, and given up yet another chance to sort myself out, I tried again. I visited a Christian therapist who suggested a couple of books to read, which I did, and I was good for a fairly long streak. I gave up the hard stuff for good, but again not the masturbation and this is of course the killer. Now it was the "PSUB" as they call it, Instagram, Facebook etc. I thought it was harmless, this is not P, but how wrong I was. So although I had been clear of the P for a few years, my problem had not gone away. Ogling at women was another big distraction and problem for me, one that I am still fighting daily. So while on a fantastic vacation in the Caribbean just last month, my wife caught me looking at Instagram pics. What a fool, spoiling what was to be a dream trip for us, and again losing trust in wife who by this time, and understandably so, is losing patience with me. It was this time around that I discovered this site, and the great resources that it supplies. It is clearly the complete abstaining from masturbation and PSUB that will be the key for me to reset my brain. I am so grateful to have a patient wife that is giving me chance after chance, and I pray that this is the last time that I hurt her. We men do simply not realize the hurt we are causing in our relationships. So here we go for the 90 day challenge! My one struggle, when I hopefully resume the relationship with my wife, will be the "chaser effect". I did not know it existed until I read about it here but for me it is very real and will take a concerted effort not to want to masturbate a day or so after sex. But so far so good, I am going to do this!