Feelings of defeat

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by PaleAle76, Jan 31, 2018.

  1. PaleAle76

    PaleAle76 Fapstronaut

    So it’s been several days since I’ve posted on here. Things are still going really well in relation to PMO… I am still ‘clean’, and I haven’t had any serious urges to relapse. Relationship with fiancé has been great this past week as well. We’ve been having sex on the regular which could partially be why I haven’t had any urges to PMO- I think we’ve had sex 5 times in the last week…. That frequency isn’t unusual for us, but I also can’t help wondering if she’s trying to make sure I’m ‘satiated’, so to speak. I can just sense that this is something that is in the back of her mind… Something else I’ve noticed is that its taking me significantly less time to reach orgasm, and I can’t say I’m thrilled about that. Having spent time on these forums I realize that this isn’t an uncommon occurrence. But that doesn’t make it any less frustrating when you feel yourself start to cum a minute after penetration. And I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t effecting my mood. Last night, my fiancé initiated sex. We hadn’t had sex since Sunday, but I honestly wasn’t really in the mood. Since the absolute last thing I want right now is for my fiancé to feel like I am rejecting her, I went along with it. There is a growing part of me that is starting to feel deflated with regard to my performance, and that in turn is leading me to shy away from intimacy, I think. I’d rather not even bother with it when I know its going to be unsatisfying for us both…
    moonesque likes this.
  2. WillSquirrel

    WillSquirrel Fapstronaut

    It sounds to me you are starting to flatline. What you're experiencing is completely normal. I am just now coming out of what you're going through. Hang in there, it will get better.

    Have you asked your fiance if she is trying to keep you satiated? Then, after you ask your question, listen to what she has to say. If she's trying to keep you satiated, it's because she's worried about you and she loves you. After you ask and hear her, let her know what you're going through, even all the little thoughts you have. (I struggle with this in my own life and can tell you, the more our partners know the better.)
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2018
    Jennica, Kenzi and PaleAle76 like this.
  3. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Its really difficult scenario, I think a lot of couples go through what youre describing. A fear component and expectations in a relationship and all the memories attached to what sex is. I think if you two communicate on some of thise ideas it will help. Like stated above talk about if she feels like she has to keep you satiated, most likely true. But also try to talk about your feelings of feeling deflated on performance, your partner obviously is there with you during that so opening up about those feelings is only more honest.
    PaleAle76 likes this.

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