Feels good to feel again

I made an account about a year and half ago and never posted until now because uhh... jeez where to start?

I'm male, straight, 25, and that account was made because I was going to stop porn. Was - we'll come back to that.

Reason for need to quit was that I had to face facts: my porn tastes were officially disturbing. I started when I was in middle school... age 12 or 13 I think. It was pretty tame stuff back then -- strip teases, procreative male-female sex. As the years went on it got kinkier as I've heard is common -- anal, threesomes, lesbian. By April 2020 it had become fisting, huge object insertion, and weight gain / obesity. Stuff very very VERY far off the mark from hot girls and heterosexual intercourse. But then... it was 2020. I lost my job for unrelated reasons in June which had the net effect stopping this whole self-improvement plan in its tracks -- right back to jerking off daily to anal prolapses.

That termination kicked off a whole bizarre series of events though. I found a new job in October. Someone I work with got me to start going to morning workouts. I met a new friend there who observed I had some pretty religious tendencies for someone who claimed to be an atheist/agnostic. He convinced me come to his church and so on Valentines Day 2021, I went to a Catholic Sunday mass. It wasn't what I remember churches being like when I was kid. Something was different this time and I think the grappling with my porn problems certainly had me realizing the value in traditionalism and higher conscience. So I decided to convert. And that meant for sure the porn and masturbation was going to have to stop. (Valentines Day as a date of conversion for a porn addict, I know; God has a deep sense of irony)

Since Valentine's Day, I've been able to almost completely porn free. I relapsed one day in August -- rough times at work, succumbed for a feel-good moment. Masturbation is a much harder one to kick but I've been regularly going two and three weeks between masturbating. Had an a record of 11 weeks. Even just with significantly reduced frequency all I can say is... wow!

I actually can feel again.

I had no idea how dulled I gotten to orgasm. It's like a full-body sensation now. And all my old fetishes have evaporated. Normal fantasies about women I've met in real life get the job done just fine. Also it doesn't feel nearly as jealous or greedy anymore; I actually want more out of a sexual encounter than to finish.

But I say that just for anyone out there unsure if this stuff is causing them harm. It is. I don't like indulging these urges even a little bit (even if it does feel so good to feel again). So I'm back a year and half after the fact to try to better live out my Catholic values. I'm serious this time.

No porn ever again. No self gratification. My future wife will be the only thing that gets me off.