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Feels like Jo is much better then actual sex

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Qzmp1, Jun 13, 2022.

  1. Jun 13, 2022 #1
    Qzmp1

    Qzmp1 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I'm married and started nofap in the beginning of the month.
    I feel like I want to Jo much more then I want to have sex with my wife.
    Will this change at some point? Or the easy, exiting Jo will always be there in the back of my head?
     
    Qzmp1, Jun 13, 2022
    Qzmp1, Jun 13, 2022
    #1
  2. Jun 13, 2022 #2
    DonkeyKart8

    DonkeyKart8 Fapstronaut

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    From my experience, yes to both questions.

    It helps to change the focus. Did you always prefer M to sex with your wife? My guess is no. Think about what you were focused on in those times--your wife. Keep the focus there and the other thoughts will subside.

    As you mentioned M is an easy way. I would disagree that it is exciting, though. By definition it is a solitary and lonely activity that is not doing much to enhance your life. Likely the opposite. I have never seen a headstone that read "If only I had had more time to M."
     
    DonkeyKart8, Jun 13, 2022
    DonkeyKart8, Jun 13, 2022
    #2
  3. Jun 13, 2022 #3
    ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    It swings more in favor of your wife over time, but the ease of PMO lingers in the background, particularly as a coping mechanism.
     
    ANewFocus, Jun 13, 2022
    ANewFocus, Jun 13, 2022
    #3
    Faceplanter and DonkeyKart8 like this.
  4. Jun 13, 2022 #4
    TheLightOne

    TheLightOne Fapstronaut

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    Think about pleasing ur wife that may make u feel more happy
     
    TheLightOne, Jun 13, 2022
    TheLightOne, Jun 13, 2022
    #4
    ANewFocus likes this.
  5. Jun 14, 2022 #5
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    My Journal
    PMO addiction is a dopamine addiction, and almost nothing gives you bigger hits of dopamine than PMO does. But, the amounts of dopamine you get from it are not natural either. It's a mega-dose that your brain has gotten used to over time, and because of that, 'normal' natural things that give you much smaller hits of dopamine don't seem as great anymore. Sex with your wife can't compete with PMO, and it can't be an equal substitute as far as dopamine goes.

    However, you can rewire your brain back to normal so that eventually you'll enjoy normal, natural things again. If you commit to recovery...abstain from PMO, dig deep to find the reason why you turned to P in the first place, work through that issue, etc....you'll be able to build intimacy with your wife and want to have sex with her.


    Once you get far enough in recovery, you'll start to see that sex in your marriage can be much more exciting than PMO ever was.
     
    hope4healing, Jun 14, 2022
    hope4healing, Jun 14, 2022
    #5
    Sun_shine, newbobido, Qzmp1 and 1 other person like this.

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