Feels like marching towards relapse

do some sports, this would build up your spirit! you need to become stronger!

 

Kyostaa, thanks for the post. Awareness, a growing awareness, of the workings of relationship with yourself, your wife, and whomever or whatever else is a part of this process of abstention from PMO. It seems like the relationship with you and your wife is getting stronger now that you've abstained from PMO for a bit. I wonder what else is changing in your life, something positive, that you can attribute to your abstention?

My point is is that abstaining from PMO, if we examine our lives, seemingly always leads to a path of more fulfillment, in some way. PMO, though it can be intense and pleasurable, is just a quick high, and an endless black hole of shit. Do you really want to keep going down it?

Lastly, I don't sense that PMO is an addiction like you say it is. Yes you have urges, perhaps intense, but you do have a choice. To my knowledge, a true definition of an addict are those who are slaves. Are you a slave? Do you have to go down this black hole? Or can you go down a path that's lighter and brighter? Really, it's your choice...

Best,
Charlie

 

Kyostaa, your triggered something in me that i'd like to share with you. Perhaps you'll find interest in it.

Your searching for images sounds like boredom to me. And I've found that boredom, this state of feeling not much at all, is one of the greatest catalysts for our porn use. We want to get out of this boring state, so we search the web, watch television, etc. But I've found that these boredom preventers lead only to porn use or some kind of other way to escape, thus perpetuating this cycle of boredom and despair. But boredom should not be taken lightly!

Boredom is a state of being that is seemingly unbearable. I get that. To sense, feel little, how horrible. I rather feel some kind of sadness, anger, something, rather than this bored state.

But there's hope. My sense is is that if we stop using these boredom preventers, those things that are used for us to escape, we'll fall into some kind of creativity. In my experience, when I pass through the boredom state, I start to fall into myself. And instead of needing some kind of outside stimulation like t.v., video games, etc., to entertain me because my inner activity is dull, I've found that my inner activity becomes more active. I don't need all that entertainment I needed before; Just being alive is almost entertaining enough.

lastly, and I think this is really important, in addition to perpetuating this cycle of boredom with boredom preventers, I've found that there's something just as, if not more pernicious at play. Even if I don't feel much when I'm watching t.v., even porn, etc., and just laze out, that doesn't mean that I'm not being influenced in some way. Since being away from porn, I've come to sense just how warped my mind has become because of advertisements, porn , etc. This is exactly what these advertising porn producing shit heads want! They want you to become an addicted machine who doesn't think for themselves, but instead has everything thought for them. That's how they stay in business. But in the meantime your becoming a misogynistic, aggressive, anti-social, passive, fucking creep human being. So watch out. Be aware of what you're taking in. Because unconsciously, whether you know it or not, you're always taking in something.

Hope this was useful in some way,
Charlie

 

You've answered correctly.

Give yourself some grace, brother. This is a brutally difficult thing to overcome.

I'm thankful that you have a healthy sexual relationship with your wife. In order to funnel your sexual focus onto her, though, I'd encourage you to set up some filters/blocks so you can't access porn. Enlist the help of an accountability partner who you trust. I haven't viewed porn in months and it's amazing. You can do it.

And to whatever extent you can, stop masturbating. Make your wife your sole outlet for sexual release. She'll appreciate it.

 

Good luck with that.