Fell down after almost 1000+ days!

Hello!

I hope everyone is doing well.

I really don't know where to start this post, but yes I failed, I relapsed many times for over a year now after by huge streak of being clean.

I was this dude:
https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/nofap-changed-my-life-how-500-days.159263/

Things have changed a lot since then, in a positive way and negative ways.

I got so much into learning and self improvement that I quit my job as a teacher and started working as a manager in a company, then I just quit and started my company since 2019 and I managed to open 2 offices and bought my own car till now and everything went great. Obviously, there are ups and downs in every business, but I managed to build that all alone with focus, commitment and full self-discipline. From 2019 till now I have relapsed many times, mostly not to porn but just on the phone with ex, and different girls and it became my addiction and I still have it.

For the last 2 years I have been working so hard and I am proud of the company I have built, that's the business side but my personal life is constantly going down on the graph, gained some unhealthy weight, no motivation to do anything anymore, stopped self improving and becoming normal like everybody else (which I never wanted).

In the last 8 months I have been with 10+ girls online and even in person (local) and had sexual relationships with them, but I still hold the V-card despite being alone with them, them getting naked and even about to give me blowjobs, I always back off because I have this mindset of doing it with the right person and also religious reasons. The amount of self control I had built while I was on a big NoFap streak gave me so much self control that I didn't f*ck anybody and my friends' still call me crazy as to how I stopped myself from not doing so.

Yes, I have worked on my looks, confidence, the way I talk, I used to workout so I still have that nice shape, I dress nicely so yes I attract a lot a lot of cute and hot girls, like a lot, younger and older than me, both. I am not saying that cocky but just to let you guys know that what I am going through and how I am suffering.

But, trust me I was the guy who used to think getting a lot of girls (mostly in a sexual way, by the way the friends (girls) I make, we always end up doing something sexual) was something cool and hard and challenging, now it's something I run away from, and trust me y'all don't want that too. It brings ultimate UNHAPPINESS.

I don't have much more to say, I don't know what value to provide to you guys but I am struggling to start my streaks again but I believe I can so I would say today will be my first day. And this time it's just not my streak of quitting PMO but..

I will be going hard and all in, which will include working out every day with strict diets, reading even a little every day, and never falling back in what I am right now!

Whoever wants to join me can, 04 / April / 2021. If I can hit 1000+ days of being clean then I can also hit a forever streak.

We are all in this together, we fall down 7 times, we get up the 8th.

It's hard and very dark in my life, I have never been depressed like this before. But I am the reason of the depression, and I will be the reason of getting out of it and becoming an undefeatable beast.

Let's go men, it's our time!

Sufian T.