Hello fellows, I need help. I'm sharing a part of my journal which I update on a regular basis. It's about what happened today. Just in case you get to read this, I request for your advise, opinions, or warnings. I'm confused and really don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. It's a bit lengthy (TL;DR version below), but I just want to be transparent. Short background about me: I'm 29 years of age, male, but still figuring things about my attractions. I'm attracted to both men and women, but I still have a lot of questions. I've never been in a relationship and I'm still a virgin. I went out with a guy tonight. We met online last May, after he made the kind gesture of telling me that I lost my ID in a bus station. The ID is really important and replacing it will take a lot of time and processes, so I really appreciated the favor he did. We chatted online about a lot of things and then he opened up about being gay and all. He was flirting with me, and I just rode along. I don't know what happened along the course of our conversations that he suddenly said that we should just stop communicating. This happened in just 3 days. Crazy stuff... Then his birthday came up this week. I sent him a well wishes days ago and thanked him for his kind gesture that I won't forget. I wasn't really expecting a reply, but he did. So we began chatting again but not so serious stuff. He told me that we should meet up, which I obliged, just so I can personally thank him for the favor. He still flirted with me, but this time, he was talking about hooking up and having sex. We just met hours ago, and at first, I was really nervous. We met in a mall (just to be safe). My heart was racing and as we walked around a staircase with no people, he held my hand. I just went with the flow until he let go because there was someone approaching. We walked around and we talked about work and life and common things we share. I even accompanied him shopping for a sweater and shorts. He was constantly asking if I was doing fine, because I can't look him in the eye. I told him that I'm just like that. I barely look at my friends in the eye when we talk. Then as we left the mall, he asked me what do I want to do. I just said, "Anything". He said, "Wanna hook up?" Now here's the (mistake) I made. I said "I'm game". I don't know where that came from. Now we walked through a park. It's a park I frequent during the daytime but not at night, because of the "dangers and crimes". Again he held my hand and let go once he saw someone coming near. He still was asking me if I'm fine. To be honest, I was kinda uncomfortable going there at night because of safety reasons. But I guess I had to follow social convention of walking around and talking. But then he would insert the topic of hooking up and asking me if I wanted to hook up with him. I replied that "I'm game, but I have to be home at 9PM because of my brother." (I still don't know where this is coming from.) Just to give you an idea of the time, it was already 8 PM. I knew he wanted to hook up, but the time was really not going good for both us. He even said that if we're going to do it, it should last us 2-3 hours because of the chat after doing it. I just jokingly said "Does it really last that long?" Anyway, we ended mostly talking about his previous job. We were laughing and all and there were light posts around the park where we talked so I guess it was "safe". I was a bit conscious about the people walking by and probably thinking what are these 2 guys up to (High-strung, overthinking mode activated). It was already 9 PM and we had to end our chat. I thanked him again for the kind favor. He replied by saying, he was looking forward to a hook up. He asked me if I'm attracted to him at all. I said with all honesty that I can't answer that now, because I'm a logical and scientific person and that it's gonna take a couple of meet-ups before I can truly answer that. He said that he's been doing his thing to hook up with me because he hasn't had sex in a while, but I'm kinda giving him the vibe that I don't want to. I said that it's my first time to experience having a meet-up like this and that maybe this isn't the right time yet. I rode a cab home. I sent him a text message thanking him for the time and saying that I was doing okay the whole time. I apologized for my social awkwardness which is proof that I haven't been interacting with people for a long time. He said that it's okay and that maybe next time, we'll hook up. I just said it's my first time experiencing all of these. I don't know if I'll meet up with him again, although I said that if our free time matches up, maybe we'll get to meet again. TL;DR - I don't even know how to summarize what happened. I unexpectedly reconnected with a guy I met online. We met up and he wants to hook up. But time constraints prevented us from doing so. It;s my first time to experience this. I'm confused and numb about it. I'm left hanging with a lot of questions. I just want to know what you guys think about what I went through. Up to now, I'm feeling numb, confused, and baffled by what happened. I'm high-strung and overthinking and asking myself: Is this how it really happens? Is this how it should be? Was it a stupid/wrong idea to meet up with him? Is sex just another handshake or something? Should I meet up with him again if he texts me? For what it's worth, it's good we didn't hook up because I'm on HARD MODE and I'm scared (in a way) of sexually transmitted diseases (although I believe there's no shame in being safe - using a condom and everything). FELLOWS, I NEED YOUR HELP. I REQUEST FOR YOUR ENLIGHTENMENT. PLEASE POST OR SEND ME A MESSAGE. I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP.