Felt recovered until Flatline hit back harder. Has anyone been through similar??

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Fendi24, Jan 16, 2020.

  1. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    After being a lurker on these forums for the past 6 months, I was hoping to come here with a massive success story to bring hope and motivation to all of you struggling out there but unfortunately I’m not there yet I’ve suffered a terrifying setback and need answers.

    I’m a 24 year old long term 10+ year PMO addict, started when I was 13 and had a massive problem with edging for hours especially in the last 2 years before I quit. I could feel the quality of my erections decreasing over time addicted as I was escalating and getting death grip. I knew I needed to stop after discovering YBOP etc.. but I I just couldn’t I was that addicted. I’ve been trying to quit for about 3 years but only got a serious streak going since August 2019.

    I used PMO daily to medicate my severe mental health problems including extremely low self-esteem, anxiety, OCD and horrific depression. I never had sex before my current relationship and had a nightmare ED experience when I was 16 (I think most likely a combination of PA and light PIED), which caused huge mental health problems for me and shattered my confidence for years.

    Luckily I finally met an amazing girl last summer that pulled me out of that hell and inspired me to finally kick PMO addiction for good and rewire.

    I started my reboot from PMO in August just after meeting my current girlfriend having failed on the first attempt at sex. Was never sure if this was PIED or just performance anxiety but I’ve concluded that it was most likely PA as I always got erections when kissing/touching her and I was able to have successful sex the second time trying after 2 weeks of no O. This second time was successful although I had DE which I eventually overcame in the next few weeks. The quality of it improved overtime also especially as I got over PA. I never watched P and never MO, only O through sex / bj with my gf.

    However, although I had sex successfully I was (and still am) suffering with the awful withdrawal symptoms most notably the FLATLINE.

    My flatline started on day 1 when I stopped PMO and was as bad as anyone’s, I experienced absolutely DEAD libido, no morning wood, insomnia, anhedonia, depression, major anxiety and torturous OCD thoughts including HOCD. Flatlines were that bad I contemplated suicide many times despite having a brilliant relationship, it made me question whether the whole reboot & rewire process was worth it at all. Thankfully I was able to have sex with O pretty much every week but I fell back into flatline straight after it every time for the entire months of September and October 2019. Then in November I would have sex with no flatline after it, libido back fully for the week, but then have sex the next week, then back to flatline again. This eventually stopped in December, 110 days in to no PMO, I stopped flatlining after sex and felt my libido come back to what I felt was regular levels. I was on top of the world felt like a human being again after years of hell. Insomnia GONE, anxiety GONE, depression and anhedonia GONE, any form of PIED I may have had GONE. My relationship was going great and I had an amazing Christmas. I was having sex around twice a week with maybe 3 or 4 O’s a time. I was ready to come and write a success story, I thought I had beaten this awful addiction and finally got over demonic flatlines but then 6th January happened…

    After having great sex with my gf the night before I woke up with no libido, back in the flatline again, absolutely devastated. Now to this day 16th Jan, I’m still in this flatline after no O’s. What terrifies me is that this flatline feels worse than all of the ones I experienced before, my libido is non-existent my dick feels absolutely dead and shrivelled my insomnia is back with a bang and anxiety about it is getting worse every day. Tomorrow will be 150 days no PMO for me and my libido feels shattered. I’m terrified that this will get worse and not improve and I find it strange that I crashed like this after the amazing month in December where I thought I was cured!

    Has anyone experienced anything similar or know of any similar cases? I desperately need reassurance that I’ll eventually recover some day. My OCD is going crazy! I’m really hoping that this will eventually right itself and these flatlines will stop, I know this took the likes of Gabe around 9 months.

    I still hope to be an inspiration that even if you have a severe long term 10+ years PMO addiction with no prior sexual experience, problems with edging, porn induced fetishes, escalation and erection problems that you can get better and have successful sex like I did.

    Please feel free to ask me any questions about my journey.

    Peace.
     
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  2. Younameit

    Younameit Fapstronaut

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    You should've started nofap 3 years ago man
     
  3. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    I wish I did man, I knew it was bad (although not as bad as I know it is now) but still couldn't quit. It really is an addiction, my experience is proof of that. But I feel 150+ days in that I've beaten the addiction, I no longer have any interest in P at all. The challenge now is just rewiring to a natural state of libido and beating these flatlines.
     
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  4. dboy18

    dboy18 Fapstronaut

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    Great journey you have man. I think the problem might be the facf that you sex while recovering. I've been down your road of staying away from PMO but having sex, still am. For us who have been addicted for 10+ years we have to be careful with having sex during reboot. I'm quitting Porn, masturbation and staying away from sex for a while until I have recovered.
     
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  5. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    You're prob right man but staying away from sex is hard when in a relationship, I really don't want to let my girl down.
    I'm thinking of trying a period of time no O at all (maybe 30 days) if I'm still having problems 180 days in.
    You think this could help my recovery?
     
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  6. dboy18

    dboy18 Fapstronaut

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    Yes, that's a good plan. Does your girl know that you're a recovering pmo addict? Also share with me how were your sexual experiences prior to nofap?
     
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  7. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I've told her about it but not in too much detail, I passed a lot of it off as mental health issues that I'm working to improve by going to therapy etc.. Very little experience tbh had a complete ED moment with a girl when I was around 16 which was most likely PA but it ruined my confidence for years, had no girl at all for 2017 & 2018 with awful mental health which is why PMO got so bad.
    I'm in a much better place now compared to those 2 years, getting rid of P gave me great improvements with mental health but the flatlines and libido not being right are a killer :mad:
     
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  8. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro, i would not worry too much. A few things i will note, its awesome you are 150 days free of PMO!! That is to be celebrated. You had successful sexual experiences this is also great. I have been where you are before i relapsed and decieded to join NoFap. One minute i have a really good libido then the next minute i dont. I think its important for you to realize it will take more time to fully recover and that you are well on the path to recovery.

    A good thing to note also is that even if you where never addicted to PMO your libido can fluctuate depending on your stress levels, how much sex you are having, how much sleep you are getting, lack of exercise, poor diet and for many other reasons. In general not being horny all the time is not neccesarily abnormal. So dont worry too much if you are not in the mood. What is important is that you dont panic and freak out, such things only detract from your libido. If you are not in mood just embrace it and realize this is a normal part of your transition. Also, because you are not up for intercourse does not mean you can not enjoy being sensual with you partner. Kissing, touching, oral etc. Learn about your GFs body and how she likes to be pleased. Get comfortable with not always being in the mood, it is easy to get performance axiety also because you are thinking you should always be ready to go. Give up this idea and you will realize you become more and more relaxed and over time your libido will normalize.

    Long story short, just relax and let nature run its course. Enjoy being with your GF and learning about her sexuality and your own at the same time. You will be fine bro, dont pressure yourself so much. You have loads of time and a full life ahead of you. Stay the course and reap the rewards.
     
  9. dboy18

    dboy18 Fapstronaut

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    Seems like you getting a hang of this thing man. They say the flatlines will take a few years to normalise and stuff, so we gotta deal with them. Despite that at least you have a positive attitude.
     
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  10. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate the support man!
    I'm learning that staying positive is always key to success here. The anxiety and stress caused by the flatlines only make the flatlines worse.. It is hard though mainly because there's not a lot of research into this in mainstream medical science because it's such a new problem. It's difficult to know how to approach it. My hope is that once I never watch P again and concentrate on healthy sex with my girl I will find balance and become a success story to inspire many of the new young PMO addicts coming here in greater numbers.
     
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  11. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    At least a year is definitely realistic for guys who started this shit young..
    90 days is just to drop the PMO habit, a lot longer is needed for full recovery.
     
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  12. Pathofsuccess_1

    Pathofsuccess_1 Fapstronaut

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    I’ve never been through them yet, but if I were to give my best answer from reading other people’s experiences, I think your just going through Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.

    It’s the final stage of recovery, it can onset anytime after 90+ days and it lasts anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. Stay strong! Once your through this, I believe that you are cured. You just have to stay away from minor future cravings and your Golden. Don’t ever test yourself for curiosity if you think your cured, ever!

    good luck!
     
  13. Deysonn

    Deysonn Fapstronaut

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    I have to agree with this advice about not testing your self, there is that little voice which tells you lets give it go. This never ends well and in my experience it seems you revert back quite easily. So then you have to start all over. You really need that porn connection to disappear. Stay strong!
     
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  14. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    Update:
    My flatline that started on 6th Jan lifted on the 18th Jan when libido started to return after being completely flat with dead dick for just under 2 weeks, that was probably lowest libido has been throughout the entire reboot. Managed to have sex with gf that weekend but with slight problems maintaining erections. The following week libido felt low but not as bad as previous flatline, sometimes weak morning woods that week with continuous insomnia.. Managed sex again following Saturday (25th Jan) but with weak erections and delayed ejaculation. Following week I saw some improvement, dick felt bigger and more full and overall mood was greatly improved but still insomnia. First 2 days Mon and Tue I had decent libido, full erections and morning wood but this dropped off out of nowhere on Wed and I lost morning wood and full erections. Libido felt ok, not completely dead, but dick didn't seem to respond to it, was only getting maybe 60% hard. This didn't improve much by Sun (2nd Feb) when I had sex and still had problems maintaining full erection.
    The last few weeks I saw some good improvement in overall mood and well being but not much at all with sex. Just don't know what to do about it at this point, still worried at how long this is taking and wondering will it ever get better.. :mad:
     
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  15. Alex__13

    Alex__13 Fapstronaut

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    I have the same problems as you, since erection problems appeared 4 years ago. Flatline continues , erection only on manual stimulation and so weak, shrinking penis ,dead dick, sleep problems ... I never had before. You look better than me, I haven't been able to get out of the flatline for even 4 years.
    I read your post, and it only strengthens my opinion that orgasm is responsible for all these problems ... I read that you were on the verge of return and you made the mistake that others started having sex on a high number. No pmo but sex !! You probably had dozens of orgasms that exhausted you and threw you back into the flatline.
    In my opinion, each orgasm significantly reduces your sexual energy, probably the hundreds or even thousands of orgasms we had during the times when we were still healthy when practicing pmo brought us to this situation, like me . Now your sexual energy is very low even if you feel you healthy . It reaches several orgasms and in my opinion it is indifferent that you do orgasms on sex or masturbation and they throw you back in the flatline. Try to stay as long as possible without orgasms believe me otherwise I will never pass the flatline.
    Swallow regular sex 1-2 times a week. If you can you can make your partner happy how many times he wants to keep your erection but you try to abstain and eventually you have 1 orgasm when finish.
    . If you are lucky it will work, if you pass the threshold you will reach the flatline very quickly again, maybe in a few years you will be completely cured if you are lucky!
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2020
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  16. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    In my reboot I never spent a huge number of days without any orgasm. When I started back in August 2019, I did 2 weeks no orgasm after a complete ED experience with my gf. After those 2 weeks I was able to have sex for the first time with my current gf. I've been having sex with O with her approx once a week since then with maybe 3 Os on average. My reboot plan was always to quit watching porn cold turkey and replace it with healthy sex with my gf. I'm usually fine with erections for the first round of sex but often with PE since I'm not having orgasm on the days I'm not with her. After that first round my refractory periods are long, my erections are weak and I often lose libido completely and can't have sex again. Sometimes everything feels numb, I barely get hard and feel little pleasure during sex. This is frustrating because sex is so short and I can't go again which isn't normal for a 24 year old which is why I still consider this a light form of PIED.
    My main issue though is I still have flatlines, little to no libido everyday I'm not with her, which is awful, I feel I'm not functioning properly. I also have sleep issues, constantly waking up during the night, never long continuous sleep.
    I'm wondering will a long break from any orgasm for a while be the solution to this? This will be very difficult to do in a relationship.. I don't know what to do :(
     
  17. Ashar1997

    Ashar1997 Fapstronaut

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    SEVERE PIED please guide me

    From 14 day to 23 years a occasional fapper
    To last 5year on porn soft and hard

    Day 50 of nofap -not interested in anything else but finding a solution of this PIED problem

    Please help me bro
    Susidal thought , weeping all day long are consuming my whole day.

    Zero interest in watching TV and anything else

    What are these symptoms show please guide me bro if any solution

    PIED level - not erection at all from the first day
     
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  18. Pathofsuccess_1

    Pathofsuccess_1 Fapstronaut

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    Your simply flatlining. It’s when your brain is literally rebooting because of your abstinence from stimulation. Don’t give up when you feel these symptoms. Face them head on. Do things to try to keep your mind off it in the meantime. What I like to do is eat a favorite snack, Go for a trip around my city, visit family members, etc.

    You will find that once you get through this faze that you will have significantly increased energy, mental sharpness, and confidence through the roof. Don’t give up. Sometimes the flatline/withdrawal symptoms will feel really unpleasant. Consider your lack of libido an advantage for getting through and don’t give up.

    Also, when flatline is over. You will be extremely horny. Don’t give in to this. Once you get through these urges you may flatline again. Your body is regulating itself and rebooting to function normally. Tell the addicted brain NO whenever you get an urge and engage in a hobby. The urge will pass. Stay strong!
     
  19. Ashar1997

    Ashar1997 Fapstronaut

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    What about my erection ? When that will come back according to my fapping journey?

    Feeling sometime motivated and other time my mind thinking of my future.

    Will complete recovery will possibly in my case.
    Dick even not signalling for urine pressure , is this normal during nofap or else I am on the other way?
     
  20. Fendi24

    Fendi24 Fapstronaut

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    Everyone is different so there's no way to be sure how it long it will take you to get erections back but you're still early into your reboot at 50 days. I felt my libido and erections return to a normal state for about a month around 110 days but I have since started flatlining again. It may be from too many O from sex but I still don't know yet myself. All you can do is keep going, relapse is not an option. Stay strong and try your hardest to motivate yourself to improve other aspects of your life and you're guaranteed to move in the right direction.
     

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