NoFap

  1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Female living in denial

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by sophie07, Oct 4, 2013.

  1. Oct 4, 2013 #1
    sophie07

    sophie07 Fapstronaut

    8
    0
    1
    Not something I can keep trying to put to the back of my mind or telling myself that it's not affecting me...
    At 23 Me and my boyfriend together 6 years, I've and having sexual fantasies since around 12 and reading online erotica and watching porn from about 16 - i went into porn overload when I got my iPhone at 18- unlimited access to so much porn anytime anywhere and I just could stop myself- the more I watch the nastier it would get.....
    Now I don't watch so much porn but I master ate around 3-4 times aday, often without the orgasms and I can't enjoy it unless I come up with some sick fantasies in my head.
    My used to be amazing sex life is crap - I can't reach orgasm, I'm hardy feeling any stimulation and i cannot stop fantasising about extreme porn when were meant to be enjoying each other.
    He's recently told me that he doesn't want I have sex with me anymore, he doesn't enjoy it, he feels anxious because I can't orgasm, and I'm pushing him around with what to do.
    I'm obsessed with sex, everything I see or do is sexualised , any man woman I see I will make up a sexual fantasy in my head for....sex is controlling my life!!!

    I've read a lot on the your brain on porn site and feel so much understanding with everyone and am so thankful that there are other people who do understand and won't judge and can help be an inspiration .....

    I'm desperately hoping by not master sting I will be able to control the sexual thoughts/fantasy in my head and if any one has any specific advice with regards to fantasies I would love to some help

    :) feeling positive already
     
    sophie07, Oct 4, 2013
    sophie07, Oct 4, 2013
    #1
  2. Oct 4, 2013 #2
    Maitripa

    Maitripa Guest

    I found it helpful to read Marnia's 'Cupid's Poisoned Arrow'. It might be good for both of you to read it....
     
    Maitripa, Oct 4, 2013
    Maitripa, Oct 4, 2013
    #2
  3. Oct 4, 2013 #3
    DickoryDoc

    DickoryDoc Fapstronaut

    239
    5
    18
    I am totally certain that cutting out porn and masturbation will straighten out your mind again, regarding thoughts and fantasies.

    It's doing so for me. I feel a clear difference in how I connect with women when cutting this out.

    Countless others report similar gains, about their view on and their ability to connect to the opposite sex getting vastly improved.
     
    DickoryDoc, Oct 4, 2013
    DickoryDoc, Oct 4, 2013
    #3
  4. Oct 4, 2013 #4
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Cutting it out certainly helps (cold turkey mind you, and this includes fantasy), it's a process that seems to take around 90 days on average for men, at least. I am interested to know how women fare in this issue because I always assumed it was an exclusively male thing, being because there are some differences in how we experience sex. Freud said "anatomy is destiny", but perhaps, if women are having the same problem with porn, it's more of a good thing that we can relate to one another like this.
     
    Deleted Account, Oct 4, 2013
    Deleted Account, Oct 4, 2013
    #4
  5. Oct 5, 2013 #5
    DickoryDoc

    DickoryDoc Fapstronaut

    239
    5
    18
    I always find it interesting to see the female accounts in here.
    It is somehow "reassuring" to see that this is not only a phenomena for men (ie. not just something about men being "perverted pigs").

    And likewise, interesting to understand more what is going on when women get addicted to it. What is it they are pursuing?

    Understanding this better, will also make it easier as a man to explain to women in general about our own issue with it.


    One thing I see in it for myself, is the pursuit of "novelty sex" all the time. It is always possible to get new experiences with new girls and new kinks all the time.
    I have an idea that men are more into "novelty sex" than women (spreading our genes etc. etc.) but I might be mistaken in that.

    So therefore, I am curious about what women look for.

    Sophie07, do you find yourself going back to pursuit the same fantasy/kink over and over (but probably more intensified over time) - or is it a wide variety?
     
    DickoryDoc, Oct 5, 2013
    DickoryDoc, Oct 5, 2013
    #5
  6. Oct 5, 2013 #6
    sophie07

    sophie07 Fapstronaut

    8
    0
    1
    Thanks for the comments, it's so good to hear other peoples opinions, and reassuring to not be judged!

    Only been a day and it's shocking to me how much I'm having to make conscious choices to not think about P :(

    DickoryDoc - initially it was novelty porn just anything and everything, the more shocking the better ...but over time and as I've come away from viewing P all the time and having full on fantasies they do some of the same elements and ideas running through - I guess I have got a certain preferred taste but I enjoy the shock factor sometimes more than a "normal" arousal factor?!

    Man it's hard to explain without thinking too much so as not to trigger my brain!
    Anything else u wanna ask feel free :)
     
    sophie07, Oct 5, 2013
    sophie07, Oct 5, 2013
    #6
  7. Oct 6, 2013 #7
    DireWolf

    DireWolf Fapstronaut

    509
    77
    28
    Welcome Sophie, i think we all know at this point that the novelty of the things we used to fantasize while watching porn is just a fabrication, the reality of it is very crude, disgusting and definetly distorted from reality that just corroded my mind for so long, but applaud your effort to come fort to this GREAT initiative that is NoFap, its time to be better men and women
     
    DireWolf, Oct 6, 2013
    DireWolf, Oct 6, 2013
    #7
  8. Oct 6, 2013 #8
    benignintenz

    benignintenz Fapstronaut

    38
    1
    8
    DireWolf - Do you feel that it is valid for a man or a woman to be both addicted to PMO as well as having a healthy and very broad sexual palate? I think it is quite important to recognize and tease apart addictive behavior while remaining sex-positive, no?
     
    benignintenz, Oct 6, 2013
    benignintenz, Oct 6, 2013
    #8
  9. Oct 6, 2013 #9
    DireWolf

    DireWolf Fapstronaut

    509
    77
    28
    rephrase the question please, i didnt get it
     
    DireWolf, Oct 6, 2013
    DireWolf, Oct 6, 2013
    #9
  10. Oct 7, 2013 #10
    sophie07

    sophie07 Fapstronaut

    8
    0
    1
    Direwolf - I do understand(I think) what you are getting at and there are defiantly things that I wouldn't be interested in at all I it wasn't for watching then again again and associating those acts with pleasure
    But I wouldn't want to say EVERYTHING I've got for watching P is wrong, something's I used to have fantasies about before I was really into watching P, and obviously those kinks I am more into now and wouldn't say that it's just because of P. I still want to enjoy different areas of sex but just don't want to be "controlled" by P
     
    sophie07, Oct 7, 2013
    sophie07, Oct 7, 2013
    #10
  11. Oct 7, 2013 #11
    benignintenz

    benignintenz Fapstronaut

    38
    1
    8
    This is what i was trying to ask. Thanks Sophie!
     
    benignintenz, Oct 7, 2013
    benignintenz, Oct 7, 2013
    #11
  12. Oct 8, 2013 #12
    DickoryDoc

    DickoryDoc Fapstronaut

    239
    5
    18
    I think porn is like sugar. Only indulge in it if you are already VERY healthy. In this case, the "health" is about your mentality and emotions and (lack of) compulsions around sex.
     
    DickoryDoc, Oct 8, 2013
    DickoryDoc, Oct 8, 2013
    #12

Share This Page