Female - unable to orgasm with men, only alone - success story so far!

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Deleted Account, Sep 9, 2018.

  1. Hi!

    Just dropping by to share my progress so far.

    I started nofap in January, 247 days ago to be precise. Reason being I could get myself off as much as I liked but couldn't orgasm with a partner (any partner), whatever they did or however hard they tried.

    Back when I was 19 had never masturbated before in my life, and I used to only orgasm from me-on-top PIV sex (which I realise is quite rare, as most women need clitoral stimulation, but I didn't). By age 20 I had got quite a taste for orgasms, and when single got myself a rampant rabbit - big mistake, PIV O's never seen again, or any other kind of O's with anyone. Over the next 14 years I could O only from the rabbit, while fantasising (or watching porn). 6 years ago I chucked the rabbit and finally learned how to use my hand, but still had to fantasise or watch porn to O. I could only orgasm with a partner, if I MO'd myself a certain precise way during sex and fantasised, so I wasn't present. I also couldn't get physically aroused with my partner any more. I though this was because we had been together for nearly a decade and the spark was gone - but actually it's because my mind only recognised my own hand and unrealistic fantasises as a source of orgasmic pleasure.

    So, fed up with only being able to satisfy myself and feeling broken down there, I decided to try nofap. I quit porn and haven't looked at it once since quitting, which wasn't a problem as I only watched it a few times a month and was never addicted to it. I was desensitised from it though, even from just watching it a few times a month. I also attempted to quit MO, which I have been pretty successful with, having long streaks, but then I would have the odd week of relapsing here & there. Most importantly I decided to stop fantasising about unrealistic or pornographic things. These thoughts had accompanied my arousal and orgasm for 14 years, and its these thoughts that were really messing up my psychological sexual function.

    There were 2 issues that needed sorting out;

    • Physically - I had the female version of death grip. I could only O if I rubbed my clit with a certain pressure, direction and speed. So I had become completely physically desensitised to any other kind of touch from myself, let alone from another person.
    • Psychologically - I had the female versions of both PIED and DE. I could only become physically aroused or reach O if I was off in fantasy land or watching porn. No one and nothing that happened in real life triggered physical arousal for me, even if I was horny and gagging for sex. So of course, O with a partner was not possible.

    This is how it's gone so far;

    Day 20+ arousal issues started to improve
    Day 40+ sex and touch start to feel much more pleasurable
    Day 47; had my first ever O from oral sex - in the upright sitting-on-face position (still needed that element of being in control) - have continued to have these since then
    Day 70+ during a relapse phase, able to MO clitorally without fantasising for the first time, from touch alone. And able to O from massaging and gentle touch rather than intense rubbing motion.
    Day 200+ during another relapse phase, able to MO vaginally without direct clit stim for the first time, simulating sex. Vastly increased lubrication during sex - sometimes to gushy levels
    Day 246 (yesterday!); I had my first ever O from oral sex while laying down - crucially, this is the first orgasm I've ever had in my life where I wasn't upright/on top, and therefore not in control of the motion. So technically, it's the first time in my life that I've been able to lie back and relax while someone else brings me to orgasm, with absolutely no input from myself

    Where I have put 'first time' above, I mean first time ever, in my entire life.

    So it's taken me 8 months to get to this point. I'm still not able to O from PIV sex like I used to before I started masturbating, but I do believe it will be possible if I keep going with this, as I'm able to MO vaginally now. The physical ability is there (which it wasn't before, I wasn't physically able to when I was PMO'ing and fantasy MO'ing all the time), it's just the mental side of transferring it back to actual sex to figure out now.

    Strangely my MO'ing has never reduced my sex drive or my attraction to partners, or my capacity for intimacy. I remained a very sexual person throughout my MO addiction. I just didn't work properly any more. And as a very sexual person, this was very upsetting for me.

    It's worth mentioning that death grip, PIED and DE are all very noticeable for a male, with the sex organs on the outside and very obvious. But for a female, where it's all neat and internal, you can't tell. You don't realise there's a problem for a long time, because you can't see it. And whereas a man needs to be physically aroused to have sex, a woman doesn't. I enjoy the sensation of lube, but I spent 14 years relying on it because my body wasn't responding. If I were a man, I'm pretty sure I would have been sorting this out as soon as my bits stopped working properly, instead of 14 years down the line. I'm now in my 30's, and spent the whole of my 20's with a MO addiction only responding to myself. All the while completely clueless to what the problem actually was.

    Anyway, my advice is this. If porn or masturbation are in any way affecting your desire for sex, your responsiveness to another person, your sexual function or your ability to orgasm, now is the time to start taking action. It might take a long time, it might take a really long time, abstinence will be unbearable at times, and you will relapse at times. You will sometimes feel like it's pointless, that it's not working. But it will be working. If you try, and you dust yourself off and get back on it after you fall, slowly but surely, your mind will be re-wiring in the background, your sensitivity and responsiveness will start to return. For me, reconditioning has been absolutely crucial so far, not just abstinence. If I didn't have someone to play with, who was aware of my issues and willing to be patient with me and help me learn it all again, I would not be able to do this, my sex drive is too high to just go without sex. My partner, who is a recovering PA himself, has given me wonderful oral for months, on a weekly basis, well aware that there would probably be no orgasm from it, but willing to do it anyway, purely because it feels nice for me and helps my mind re-learn. It's this kind of play and understanding that is needed.

    Don't get too hung up on the 90 days thing. I was never even addicted to porn and it's taken me a lot longer than that to get to where I am now, and I'm still not where I want to be yet. Think of it as a new way of life that will be ongoing, and just be patient with it :)

    Hopefully I'll be back at some point to say that my PIV orgasms are back :D but regardless, I'll be carrying on, because being able to lie back and receive pleasure and O on my partners face is just the best! :)
    pawky, kropo82, lucentio and 6 others like this.
  2. Vedas_fr

    Vedas_fr Fapstronaut

    Are you sure your partners were up to the challenge? I found that i had troubles making some women orgasms because i needed to penetratet them fast for a long period (like 30 or 60 secs) and i am not able to last when i do that, i can only last if go slow.
    My 2 cents. Anyway it's good you don't fap anymore less energy spoiled
  3. I doubt this hard thrusting response you're referring to is orgasm. It might make them make a lot of noise, and it might feel very intense, and this is also when most women fake an orgasm (most women fake it). When a woman truly orgasms, her pelvic floor will rhythmically contract and squeeze and you would feel this around your penis. When a man hard thrusts me for a bit, it stimulates my Gspot and makes me very loud (and yes it does feel very intense) but that is not an orgasm.

    When I orgasm, the following things happen;

    At approach to O:
    I sweat
    My body tenses up
    I breathe fast
    My vagina lengthens, emits heat, gets very tight at the entrance and lubricates profusely
    My hips thrust uncontrollably
    There is an other-worldly kind of pleasure

    At O:
    As I go over the edge I temporarily stop breathing, because I physically can't, so I'm unable to make any noise until the contractions roll in.
    Then after about 5 seconds of not being able to breathe, my pelvic floor contracts repeatedly, for anywhere between 20 seconds to a few minutes, depending how strong the orgasm is. The first contractions are hard and fast and close together (and feel like an explosive release), then they get further apart and more gentle as all the pent up energy is released
    My legs and hips get 'locked' into position until the strongest contractions have passed

    To give you an idea of how many women fake it, only one of my previous partners had ever experienced a female orgasming during PIV sex before. Every single one of my female friends fakes it (sadly), so their partners think they O every time, when actually they never do. My partner, who has been with a lot of women before me, was shocked the first time I O'd on his penis by rubbing my clit. Because he had never felt a female have an orgasm on him before. Yet every woman before me had said they had cum, they hadn't.

    A female being able to O from PIV sex is rare - and its unlikely to be achieved by hard & fast thrusting.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 9, 2018
  4. Vedas_fr

    Vedas_fr Fapstronaut

    Okay maybe you are learning me something i admit.

    However i am really certain fast / strong / continued penetration was bringing them pleasure but in general i am not able to do it long enough to make them O. I have a feeling if i was able to do it longer they might orgasm, the only girl i can remember i really gave a lot of pleasure to was moaning like a cat after 40 mins sex and i don't know if she orgasmed but she definitively had a lot of pleasure.
    But you actually might be right i don't think i gave any woman an explosive orgasm. Damn i was feeling down lately you just made it worst lol
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  5. Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel bad. You shouldn't feel bad anyway, most women just wont O from PIV it's just how it is. And most men don't seem to know what female orgasm actually is. And because female orgasm is trickier to achieve, most women fake it. They fake it, because they are expected to cum to make the man feel good. They also fake it, because they are scared of being judged as having something wrong with them if they dont.

    The problem is education. Female O needs to be taught in school during sex ed, along with male ejaculation. I don't know how it is now, but when i was at school only male orgasm was mentioned. Female orgasm was completely ignored.

    Adding to the problem is porn, which gives men a very bad education.

    You are right that pounding during sex will be very pleasurable for women with a sensitive Gspot. I have a very sensitive Gspot and I love sex whether I O or not. Thing is there's no release or finish from Gspot pleasure. To my partner, I actually refer these pleasure spells from PIV gspot stim as a gspot orgasm. I can have many in a session. But it's not true contracting orgasm.

    Like I said most women simply can't have a true contracting orgasm from PIV. I am one of the minority in that I could (before I started MOing!) So it's my goal to get back to that.

    There is nothing wrong with no O from PIV. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the woman, and it doesnt mean the man is doing anything wrong either.

    But if everyone has a good education on the female orgasm (and women please stop faking it!!) then men can become excellent lovers, by using their mouths, hands and learning both general and sexual intimacy and openess, which is what most women need to O and therefore be sexually satisfied.

    If you are interested in learning how to increase your chances of bringing a woman to orgasm during PIV, look into coital alignment technique :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 10, 2018
    IbrahimViking and Hank Pym like this.
  6. Oh and if it helps, I have 2 female friends who have never had an orgasm.. ever. Not with a man, not by themselves.

    Before I had my first orgasm at age 19, I assumed gspot stimulation was an orgasm
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  7. Vedas_fr

    Vedas_fr Fapstronaut

    Women, such fascinating beings!:rolleyes:
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  8. Haha, they are though! And vaginas are absolutely incredible things. I have much love for the vagayjay!
    Vedas_fr likes this.
  9. Interesting to get a different take. Congratulations on the progress so far!
  10. Thanks :D
    IbrahimViking and SirErnest like this.
  11. Thanks! :D
    Paranimmita likes this.
  12. If you are convinced you re rebooted then you ve already got the benefit from NoFap?
    IbrahimViking likes this.
  13. No not yet, I want to get back to having Os hands free during sex. By Os I dont mean gspot/cervical/full body O's, I mean contracting clitoral Os from PIV. As this is how I was before O ever started masturbating :)
    IbrahimViking and Paranimmita like this.
  14. I am thinking whether
    you might need to do pelvic floor exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles as well as use vagina tightening balls to strengthen the vulva. Because how well you can orgasm can sometimes depend on how tight your vagina is. It is also good for the male because it will give his little one a good massage too.
  15. No i actually do vaginal weightlifting and have a very strong pelvic floor. My issues are purely desensitisation.

    As most women literally can't clitoral orgasm from PIV, and I was one of the rare ones that could, I'm not really complaining.. I'd just like my special gift back :)
  16. @Papsy i think, like most men, you are possibly confusing gspot orgasms from clitoral orgasms.

    I gspot 'orgasm' during sex very easily and frequently. Gspot orgasms are intense pleasure peaks that flow from the vagina throughout the body and make a woman very loud. This is easy to accomplish and not an issue. I'm referring to true clitoral orgasm, with contractions and release, they are just like male orgasm, but stronger, and obviously without ejaculating semen.

    As a side note, you can tighten the pelvic floor with exercises thereby also tightening the vagina, but you cannot tighten the vulva. The vulva are the lips, they are literally just skin and nerves.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2018
  17. FrenchOliver

    FrenchOliver Fapstronaut

  18. Thank you @FrenchOliver :)
  19. Searched rampant rabbit as you applied many terms unknown to me and got an adult website but succedded to not starting the vedio.
    IbrahimViking likes this.