FEMDOM ADDICTION

Hey everyone, I am from india and my main language is hindi so i don't speak english so good but anyways let's start.I am here to tell you guys about my femdom addiction and how i am suffering from it...


I am 20 years old.i have a foot fetish from when i was 13-14 years old.The first thing that attracted me in my life was feet.I don't know much about menstrubation at that time so started to fap on the videos where women show their feet.i think i was about 15 years old when i first mastrubated to a woman showing her feet then later i found that the whole foot fetish thing is related to female dominance so i started to fap on the disgusting videos in which these women gives huimiliating tasks to perform.At that time i was mastrubating on daily basis like 3-4 times a day.

When i was 16 and a half years old i got into a bigger problem that it was at that time.I started taking drugs.it started from a joint and one day i tried heroine.That was the 2nd worst mistake of my life [first was to start mastrubation to these feet and femdom videos].So,i was 17 years old i was doing so much drugs.my whole day schedule was to find money for the drug then spending hours on femdom porn fapping to these pov and joi videos.i was a excellent student till eighth and i don't know what the fuck happened to me...so i spend other 2 or 2.5 years doing drugs.At that time i thought that the biggest problem of my life was drug addiction but i didn't know that one more bigger addiction is growing inside me day by day...in these 2.5 years i spend 3 months in a drug rehab.so inside the rehab there was no phone so i spend nearly 2 months without pmo after that i dont know why i relapsed with thoughts of femdom.I think the problem was i didn't knew that mastrubating to it can become a serious problem in the future.Anyways,when i was 18 and a half years old i thought that i need to get rid of that drug problem so by trying hard and with the help of medicines i finally got rid of the drug problem.

Now comes the real problem after stopping drugs i thought about fapping to a normal porn video a simple intercourse video i didn't get aroused at all.I tried to mastrubate but i can't get it hard and right after that i opened a femdom tab and it was hard..so now the real problem starts where i think that why can't i mastrubate to simple porn videos that other guys were mastrubating to...so i felt i was differned from them and that i was a slave like these ladies tell in videos so i started to feel alone.i started to spend more time on femdom porn seeking more extreme kind of videos.i used to spend my whole day edging and fapping to these joi videos.After doing this for months i was like what i am doing that i am completely devastated so then i found about nofap websites and i started reading stories about their femdom porn addictions and there was like no guy who was able to completely get rid of these femdom fetishes but there are some guys who say that by doing nofap your fantasies and fetishes become less and less disarable by the time so i thought that by doing this i can finally get rid of that problem.

At first i was relapsing every 2 days then there was days like i was fapping to femdom porn for 6-7 days regularly[no thought of leaving it or nothing].I know that i can't get aroused to normal porn so i used to watch femdom porn in the starting and then when i was on edge i used to change my thoughts from femdom porn to kissing,intercourse etc..first when i started to do this my erection were not harder but after some time doing this i can get aroused by simple normal stuff only when i am on edge..i cant get it hard when i am not on edge.

By this time it starts to interfere with my social life.I started to get nervous in all sorts of my life..everytime i see a girl i just want to see her feet and be a slave to her...so it ruined my confidence level.I am 5.10 and have played football in past so i have a atheletic body and many girls make eye contact with me but i get nervous everytime because of my femdom addiction that if she wants something i'll not be able to get it hard.It's so fucked up but one day to go with a girl who likes me and i like her as well..so i started meeting with her...i was doing great with my recovery...we had kisses on daily basis first i didn't get aroused by kissing at all but after a week of regular kissing without femdom porn i find that my brain starts to send signals to my penis in vanilla situation...after15-16 days she didn't come for 2-3 days and her cellphone was off.i don't know why i thought like she don't like me because i can't do anything right i remembered all the thoughts of these disgusting women huimliating me which leads to a relapse.
I was depressed and have thoughts of suiciding after fapping to femdom porn..so i passed that day and after 1-2 days my gf calls me that she was having a exam so she turned her cellphone off..and i was telling myself that i was a idiot...so we meet...we were in the car and we were kissing and i started to do fingering[i was 70% hard] and she got so much aroused that she said she was going to give me a blowjob so she started with a handjob but after 40 50 seconds i got a feeling i got turned off so i stopped in between..and i dropped her to her house and we didn't talked after that.

I think that was a symptom of pied...so it's been 2 months and i maintained a streak of 26 days without pmo but on day 27th I once again relapsed and i am very depressed i often think about suicide but i also get very happy when i am on my reboots.
I don't like this femdom thing at all but it's so hard to resist that feeling..but yeah yesterday I read a life story @balkanic_falcon and i am so happy i read about this brother...his story inspired me and i dont know how much months it will take but I am ready to wait as much days as it takes to get rid of my fetishes...and I feel confident about myself and i'll not waste any more of my time on porn[especially femdom porn]..it's like a curse which keeps us from enjoying real aspects of nature but not the god nor the devil controls my fate and i'll be the creator of my own fate..
so guys if anyone can help me suggesting some ideas or how much time it will get to rewire my brain or what can i do in a free time to get a positive feeling..that will really be helpful.

 

Hello brother
Right now I am at 14th day of NoFap.My fetishes are decreased i sometimes feel so much urges to mastrubate to femdom porn...Yesterday i mastrubated to naked pictures of girls and got a great orgasm...not as great as femdom porn but it felt so good no shame no guilt after mastrubating..so you can try this too there is one thing you dont have to do and that is seeing anything related to feet and femdom...stay motivated brother
This is very hard but we'll get through this

 

yesterday I relapsed after 3 weeks

 

I fall into the rabbit hole once again. Feeling like shit. WTF i was so motivated 4-5 days ago and now this. My life is going to hell. I want to die literally but i am not that weak. schooLs are opening again from 21st and i don't want to go to schooL feeling depressed and anti social. This was the last time i fapped...I'll not masturbate ever again
journey starts again

 

Getting ahead in my journey..
It's so hard to survive this flatline period

 

Thanks for the advice brother
I completely agree with you. This femdom thing survives because of low self esteem. From the past few days, I am trying to change my life completely. I started to go university, started reading books in short doing all the things that builds self confidence. It was all great till i hit the flatline. Currently, i am going through the worse time of my life. All the things that I need to have in myself to feel alive are gone. My energy, motivation, confidence are gone. My social anxiety is at its legendary level. It's so hard to survive this period not knowing when you'll come out of it. I mastrubated 2 times thinking of vanilla sex in the past 2 weeks and i think that got my brain into the this horrible flatline.

 

Hy brother
It must be so hard for you. I can't imagine myself 45 years old with a porn addiction. It horrifies me but it's never too late to start improving. Were you into femdom porn all these years? From how much time you are doing nofap? Is it proving beneficial?

 

Today, I mistakenly edged to femdom porn for 15 minutes but i did'nt ejaculate..
Getting ahead

 

T

Congrats for 7 years recovery that's a long time buddy.
What is it after 7 years. Do you still have urges to mastrubate? Are your femdom fantasies gone? What is it like to have sex after porn addiction like do you have any performance anxiety?
I know these are a lot of questions but i just want to recover from it and that's why i am curious about what happens after porn addiction

 

I was doing nofap from the past 1.5 months. The femdom thing inside me nearly died. I didn't have any fantasies of femdom instead I was moving towards domination, was starting to feel pleasure in domination. I changed my orientation from slave to dominant on fetlife. Last week, I relapsed. It was because of my social anxiety although i didn't have that much of social anxiety at that time but my brain trapped me into relapsing and urges are just getting bigger and bigger. I am on binges from past 3-4 days but today, i decided to start nofap again and I don't want to forget how fucked up the world is after relapsing this time.
JOURNEY STARTS AGAIN

 

So, 2-3 days earlier I came back from the horrible relapse period in which I was on binges for 9-10 days. 2 days earlier, I deleted it all from my mind. Day before yesterday, I mastrubated to normal porn and it took nearly 20 minutes to reach a orgasm but the felling was great after it was done. So, after doing it I decided to go on nofap streak as long as possible. It's been about 2 days and the feeling is good, I feel motivated, more energetic and 88 days left in completing the first milestone

 

Today, I had so many urges just because I didn't do the things that my mind knows to keep myself motivated but i'll not fall again.EVER.

 

I relapsed...
Not on femdom but on normal porn
it's fucked up

 

FEMDOM IS NOT A SEXUALITY
IT'S A DISEASE THAT EATS FROM INSIDE

 

Yesterday, I relapsed.
The day started with me getting up late. The first thing of the day was edging. I didn't ejaculated but I edged to the point of orgasm. So, I waked up with no motivation and no energy level because the first thing of the day was not productive at all so the relapse was bound to happen. The second thing I did was I opened netflix and rolled a joint. Started watching the series so the second thing was also not productive at all. I have a habit of watching series and smoking a joint. I think it's more of a addiction because if I do one thing from the two then I don't feel fulfilled. The third thing I opened a femdom site and started edging. FUCK. So, I edged second time in the day just in first 3 hours after getting out of the bed. So, it was like doing the 3 things that I hate and my mind was in a Self-Defeat mode.

Anyways, I got out of my bed and went to my friends. We have a place where we all get together and smoke joints. It was basically a another weed session.

I came back to my home in the evening and was out of my mind with no motivation or spirit at all. This all leads me to another round of edging to femdom porn but I didn't cum. I was so frustated at that time. A healthy person can get sick after hours of edging and I am on femdom porn addiction so I don't consider myself as a healthy person. I was when I was on nofap for 1.5 months and was doing exercise daily. A healthy person is the one who has the control of his actions and I don't have that now but i'll definately having it after sometime. So, Around 11 pm I relapsed to normal porn video and got to bed around 1 am.

Today, I started the day getting out of bed early around 7 am. I meditated for 20 mintutes then I took a cold shower and started reading newspapers. I was feeling good until my anxiety kicked in. I think it was because of the oily food that I took in breakfast. Anyways, anxiety lead to shortness of breathe and pain in chest and that led to vomiting but I am feeling better now. So, I started well today and i'll not let the anxiety cause an implication in my nofap journey.

So, From now on I'll try to write my everyday here till day 90. I am on nofap for life but 90 days is the first milestone.

If anyone who is familiar with anxiety read my post, Please advice something to help it. It can be very harsh sometimes.