Femdom fetish, DE and ED - recovering, but slowly

T

the sage

Fapstronaut
Hi everyone.
I am 28 years old, and i have been addicted to femdom porn for my entire life. Despite that, i have managed to have sexual relationships with girls. It was never satisfying, since it was almost impossible for me to reach an orgasm doing regular intercouse (DE), but only with handjob.
A few years ago, things got worse because i also developed ED, which bothered me and my girlfriend. I saw an urologist and, since i am a healthy person, we believed that the cause was PMO.
So i decided to quit all P and M (i ve been doing that succesfylly for 64 days now). My objective is, at least 3 or 6 months before allowing myself to go back to M, but i never want to go back to P.
Since i started, i noticed that my erections improved remarkably, and now i can orgasm during regular intercouse (sometimes i even need to do an effort to avoid ejaculation). So this part went fine.
Today, my problem is that, despite being good, my sex life is not nearly as good as it was when i used to go long hours edging to femdom porn. So i still suffer on a daily basis trying to avoid going back to P and fetish.
Thankfully, my girlfriend knows a bit about my fetish and we incorporate that partially in our sex lives. It is good, but still far from the bliss provided by P.
I am in hope that a few more months avoiding PMO and having regular sex will help me rewire more completly.
Nonetheless, i must repete that the results untill now are quite impressive.
I would appreciate any comments and suggestions from you guys!!
 
Ok so a few things and I hope they leave a lasting impression on you:

First: Back in October 2019 (I was 28) my situation was very similar to yours. I was having long edging sessions to femdom material. Eventually my DE turned into straight up ED. Worst day of my life was the first time I just couldn’t get it up. I googled “FEMDOM ED” and read a guys story from youbrainonporn

I highly recommend you read the material on this website and even order the book. It’s important you take this serious and commit to never watching P again. Read about the science behind it and the cognitive and mental impact it has on your brain. If you want to lead a fulfilling life, you need to put this addiction behind you.
You may say to yourself “I’m not an addict!”
But you are. And P is as bad as of a drug as any other addictive substance.

Second is: congrats!! You must feel great to having your masculinity back. There is nothing more emasculating and shameful than not being able to have sex because you watch P.. and Femdom P at that. Use the way you feel right now as motivation to never go back.
I have made that mistake and I am still paying for it. If you relapse enough you can enter PAWS (look up “nofap paws”). This happened because I was kindling (look up “nofap kindling”)

3rd: you said sex doesn’t feel as good as P… well, you’re only 64 days in. It’s going to take more time than that for it to feel great again. And when I say time, I mean like a year.. maybe 2. But that doesn’t matter, because you’re never going back, right? And sex is still enjoyable and will provide a release for your urges. I honestly wouldn’t incorporate that into your sex life. It’s tying you to your addiction. Your brain won’t fully heal if you’re still engaging in femdom activity. Accept the fact that your sex life will be vanilla for the next year or so. It makes sense it’s not as enjoyable as when you would P to fetish. That’s like saying “this energy drink isn’t as good as cocaine” .. of course it’s not, coke is a drug. You’re not supposed to feel like that. You’re feeding your brain an unnatural amount of dopamine and over stimulating your reward circuit. P is a drug. Make no mistake, your brain processes it as a drug.

I’m sorry if this was long winded. I just want to give you some insight into what I’ve experienced. I wish someone would have done it for me. My life was much better and more fulfilling for the periods of time I cut P and Femdom out. Please think of this comment when you want to relapse. Every voice in your head will tell you “it’s ok, it won’t set you back too far”

fuck that. It will. Don’t listen to the guys who do 72 day streaks and then say they relapsed but don’t feel bad. Give it up forever and take control of your life. Be the best version of yourself. He’s waiting for you right on the other side of this addiction. Good luck.
 
Illbeok said:
Ok so a few things and I hope they leave a lasting impression on you:

First: Back in October 2019 (I was 28) my situation was very similar to yours. I was having long edging sessions to femdom material. Eventually my DE turned into straight up ED. Worst day of my life was the first time I just couldn’t get it up. I googled “FEMDOM ED” and read a guys story from youbrainonporn

I highly recommend you read the material on this website and even order the book. It’s important you take this serious and commit to never watching P again. Read about the science behind it and the cognitive and mental impact it has on your brain. If you want to lead a fulfilling life, you need to put this addiction behind you.
You may say to yourself “I’m not an addict!”
But you are. And P is as bad as of a drug as any other addictive substance.

Second is: congrats!! You must feel great to having your masculinity back. There is nothing more emasculating and shameful than not being able to have sex because you watch P.. and Femdom P at that. Use the way you feel right now as motivation to never go back.
I have made that mistake and I am still paying for it. If you relapse enough you can enter PAWS (look up “nofap paws”). This happened because I was kindling (look up “nofap kindling”)

3rd: you said sex doesn’t feel as good as P… well, you’re only 64 days in. It’s going to take more time than that for it to feel great again. And when I say time, I mean like a year.. maybe 2. But that doesn’t matter, because you’re never going back, right? And sex is still enjoyable and will provide a release for your urges. I honestly wouldn’t incorporate that into your sex life. It’s tying you to your addiction. Your brain won’t fully heal if you’re still engaging in femdom activity. Accept the fact that your sex life will be vanilla for the next year or so. It makes sense it’s not as enjoyable as when you would P to fetish. That’s like saying “this energy drink isn’t as good as cocaine” .. of course it’s not, coke is a drug. You’re not supposed to feel like that. You’re feeding your brain an unnatural amount of dopamine and over stimulating your reward circuit. P is a drug. Make no mistake, your brain processes it as a drug.

I’m sorry if this was long winded. I just want to give you some insight into what I’ve experienced. I wish someone would have done it for me. My life was much better and more fulfilling for the periods of time I cut P and Femdom out. Please think of this comment when you want to relapse. Every voice in your head will tell you “it’s ok, it won’t set you back too far”

fuck that. It will. Don’t listen to the guys who do 72 day streaks and then say they relapsed but don’t feel bad. Give it up forever and take control of your life. Be the best version of yourself. He’s waiting for you right on the other side of this addiction. Good luck.
Click to expand...

Hey man, thank you for your comments.

It is very reasurring to know that other people are going through the same struggles.

I am already familiar with the great material available on yourbrainonporn, but i didnt know the concepts of PAWS and Kindling. It seems to be something really important to know right in the beggining.

I big doubt i have is that, if given enough time, vanilla sex will be as good as femdom porn. You seem to believe that it is possible, after 1 or 2 year. Did it happen to you?

Another thing is that i intend to never go back to P again. But i intend to reintroduce some M in my life after a period of 3~6 months of abstaining completely. Do you think it is wise?

Would really appreciate to get your view on those things!

I wish you the best!
 
Hello brother,

Congratulations on your journey. I really hope everything works out for you and your partner.

I hope you don't mind me saying but I wouldn't recommend reintroducing "M" back into your life at all unless you are doing it with your partner.

"M" leads to quick and easy dopamine hits...
Which will lead to greater tolerance...
Which may lead to the need for more novel stimulation such as "P" and possibly even a relapse into your fetish.

I apologise if that's not what you want to hear but it may be what you need to hear.

Peace be with you.
 
Today i am reaching 77 days without P or M, and i must say that i am still satisfied with the results.
Both erections and libido are fine.
I do not feel any urge to go back to P, and the intrusive thoughts related to femdom and fantasy seems to be diminishing, which i never thought could happen.
I would also say that my well being and my relations with people are improving.
The major challenge today is that i obviously cannot have sex anytime i want, so i feel a urge to M, but i am still abstaining from that, so that demands a little bit will power.
 
Just updating my situation.

After being 90 days without P or M, i relepsed exactly one day after. The reason for that was not exactly a urge to watch P, but more a thought like: "maybe i do not have a problem anymore, let me just watch some P and see what happends". Because of that, i spent two weeks indulging in P and M.

And all the things that were expected happened. ED came back, and also DE and general sadness.

Well, now the good part. After that, i went back to abstaining from P and M again (19 days free now), which was really easier than before - i think the first rewiring process makes things easier this time. After two weaks, i now have good erections and good sensation doing intercouse with my girlfried. Self esteem has also improved.

I dont know exactly what to expect from the future, but i aim at having at least another period of 90 days free of P and M.

Main lesson here, i think, is that the battle is never won, so we have to be always carefull. But, at the same time, a releapse is not irreversible.
 
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