Feminisation - should I go there?

[pilgrim18]

Hello guys!
I am on my 90 days without PMO journey and just wanted to communicate something and ask advice, maybe someone already experienced this and knows the answer.

When I was 4-5 y.o. I often was playing with girly toys (like a barbie, dress-up games etc), when I was 10 I found attractive when I see beautiful woman wearing dress. But I was attracted not to the girl, but to the idea of wearing this dress myself. I was only 10 so I didn't pay much attention to it. When I was 12 I have taken my mother's tights on and masturbated. It was so pleasurable and I felt myself so high doing this.

After some time when I have already became a PMO addict I periodically was stealing mother's lingerie, dresses, leggings, shirts and was masturbating like this, then started going out wearing those outfits, then I started to buy my own lingerie and leggings + wearing a bit of the make-up.

Now I am 23 and I am doing 90 days no PMO reboot and cannot get rid of this idea in my head that I want to wear only girly cloth, makeup, look like a girl etc. And MOST of my cloth is already girly. Like I don't wear jeans at all, only leggings or jeggings, wearing woman tops, sometime tunics, dresses, girly shoes, chokers etc. Almost all the time when I wear it I become horny and fap after, and I also watched a lot of sissy hypnotic videos and porn. And my girlfriend knows about this and she is ok with it, we even had a sex as like a girl with a girl.

How do I get rid of those thoughts? Is it really a distractive way and the same as PMO or it's a different thing?

 

[orison]

thoughts, the more you run away from them the more they haunt you accept them, and just be bro,
if you want change you create action towards whoever you want to be.. there are deep rooted desires for those thoughts just like pmo, with decisive action you take, no matter what you think, its what you do that matters, that's the real you. you can teach yourself to like or hate anything if you have sufficient discipline.. you have a desire for habbits that are deep rooted in you, just like a smoker or a frenetic masturbator or an alcoholic it's all very similar.. you can unteach yourself those things if you desire it but requires decisiveness and discipline..

feminization should you go there? i personally would tell you no, if i were your father i would want my son to be a man.. i believe men should be men and women should be women, but that's my personal belief and is not to be forced on anyone... however... i also understand people cannot help who they are we are put here with certain qualities and tendencies psychological experiences that have shaped and molded us into who we are... and we ultimately have to embrace love ourselves and the cards we're dealt while also steering towards who we want to become, so should you go there? the choice is ultimately yours..

 

[BoiledEggplant]

I recommend you continue abstaining from PMO for a longer while and then re-think this. If the thoughts persist I suggest nothing but levelheadedness. You don't want to feel restricted from doing what you want to do, but also you shouldn't promote your personal deviations (from what society wants) to the level of possible narcissism of a particular extreme subculture. The first step nonetheless is to properly abstain from PMO. Think of this again 30 days in

 

[BoiledEggplant]

Allow me to add onto what I said that I'm in no way against what you want and I'm not a proponent of "you gotta be a Man." I just really think such decisions should be taken with a very open and clear mind, and right now you're not in a state to do that. Others will lure you into being whoever you want, but that's just the sheep mentality of sub-cultures. Do what makes YOU happy, but only when you're sure of it and not under the influence of extremities from watching too much Porn and having extreme thoughts as a possible influence of that.

 

[Deleted Account]

Hello guys!
I am on my 90 days without PMO journey and just wanted to communicate something and ask advice, maybe someone already experienced this and knows the answer.

When I was 4-5 y.o. I often was playing with girly toys (like a barbie, dress-up games etc), when I was 10 I found attractive when I see beautiful woman wearing dress. But I was attracted not to the girl, but to the idea of wearing this dress myself. I was only 10 so I didn't pay much attention to it. When I was 12 I have taken my mother's tights on and masturbated. It was so pleasurable and I felt myself so high doing this.

After some time when I have already became a PMO addict I periodically was stealing mother's lingerie, dresses, leggings, shirts and was masturbating like this, then started going out wearing those outfits, then I started to buy my own lingerie and leggings + wearing a bit of the make-up.

Now I am 23 and I am doing 90 days no PMO reboot and cannot get rid of this idea in my head that I want to wear only girly cloth, makeup, look like a girl etc. And MOST of my cloth is already girly. Like I don't wear jeans at all, only leggings or jeggings, wearing woman tops, sometime tunics, dresses, girly shoes, chokers etc. Almost all the time when I wear it I become horny and fap after, and I also watched a lot of sissy hypnotic videos and porn. And my girlfriend knows about this and she is ok with it, we even had a sex as like a girl with a girl.

How do I get rid of those thoughts? Is it really a distractive way and the same as PMO or it's a different thing?

Maybe it's one of those porn induced fetishes. Sometimes it can happen. Old, normal porn does not do it for us anymore so we escalate to fetish. And then to weirder and weirder fetishes as we develop tolerance for previous stuff. When you fully reboot these things should go away. So I would recommend waiting until you are rebooted before making any judgement.

Or maybe it's just normal fetish. I have a fetish too. It's not porn induced, it's just something I find hot. So if that's the case I don't see why would that be a problem. Some people are into being tied up, spanked, into fat chicks, muscular chicks, some are into feet or big boobs, some likes lingerie, etc. There's whole range of sexual preferences and tastes. Maybe for you it's just another sexual taste kind of thing. If that's the case I don't see why would that be bad. Enjoy it and have fun with it.

I don't think fetishes are anything like porn. Sure there might be some harm to fetish that is porn induced, cos it keeps old brain pathways alive. But to natural fetish? No. Porn is bad for us because it desynthesizes our brain, gives false perception of real sex, women and twists the way we look at relationship. And it is also a just physically and mentally addictive. But I don't see how would fetish do any of those things. Especially if you do it with a partner who cares about you. It's just your innocent little game you play for fun. It can even be used to connect.

 

[IggyIshness]

Just like me..

 

[pilgrim18]

Thank you all guys for your support!
I think I will finish my 90 days without PMO first and then with a new vision of life I will take another look on this situation.

Because I can see for now that if I continue my feminisation "hobby", I will eventually end up taking hormones, making boobs/ass etc. Which makes me feel weird and my girlfriend too. So now - I stopped.
I'm BOOM my 90 days and I'll see how it goes.

 

[Deleted Account]

Because I can see for now that if I continue my feminisation "hobby", I will eventually end up taking hormones, making boobs/ass etc. Which makes me feel weird and my girlfriend too.

Well that's pretty major. Is it just a sexual kind of thing for you? Or do you actually want to be a girl, like in transgender kind of way? If you gonna do a thing like this then definitely do it with clear mind. Not in a horny or addiction influenced state of mind, that shit can cloud your judgement hard.

 

[pilgrim18]

Well that's pretty major. Is it just a sexual kind of thing for you? Or do you actually want to be a girl, like in transgender kind of way? If you gonna do a thing like this then definitely do it with clear mind. Not in a horny or addiction influenced state of mind, that shit can cloud your judgement hard.

For 2 years I just enjoyed masturbating wearing lingerie etc (sexual fetish), then I started enjoying wearing it every day, after this I started watching sissy porn and craved for sucking penises and eating cumm being a sluty sissy transgender.
As well As I found that I now want wear makeup on and make boobs etc. on every day basis.

 

[Themadfapper]

For 2 years I just enjoyed masturbating wearing lingerie etc (sexual fetish), then I started enjoying wearing it every day, after this I started watching sissy porn and craved for sucking penises and eating cumm being a sluty sissy transgender.
As well As I found that I now want wear makeup on and make boobs etc. on every day basis.

I don't know if your trolling, but if not you are out of your mind!

First off there really is nothing feminine about clothing it's just perception. It's just material it's not really female. Same with makeup. Girls wear makeup but take their makeup away and the long hair and they don't look much different in their faces than guys. Makeup is not female either. What you are describing is that you have developed a sick fetish/sexual addiction were you imagine you're a girl and this gets you sexually aroused.

You said you watched sissy hypnos. That stuff is poisonous filth meant to harm vulnerable people like yourself. It's full of self-destructive self-harm/ mutilation messages, it's full of brainwashing and meant to twist your mind in a very harmful way. This is clearly obvious to any sane person. That sissy hypno is evil harmful stuff.

You want to mutilate your body? Be a guy who is weak and has man-boobs and fat ass? WTF would you want that!
Sex is not everything. In fact, it's likely ruining your life robbing you of any fulfillment and joy in life otherwise, you would not be looking to destroy yourself. If you do this to yourself you will destroy yourself.
Ironically that will be the end of your sex drive. If you chop your balls off, or even if you take female hormones your testosterone and consequently your sex drive will be in the toilet. Your fucked up head may still crave things, but your physical sex drive will be gone. At least you won't have to worry about fapping anymore as you will have nothing to fap with.

I seriously hope your just looking for attention, and not so far out of your fucking mind!

Being some transgendered person whore who gets sodomized and bleeds out of his ass and has a bunch of health problems and problems with his pooper and then dies of aids or commits suicide is not the way to be. Get your head together and stop being a pervert man you have gone too far. Try some abstinence and self-control become a monk if you have to anything is better than the path you are going down.


You say this started when you were 10? I've gotten into some perverse shit myself although not till I was an adult, and what I found was my head got so fucked up I thought down was up! You start thinking bad feels good. When you have felt bad for so long you might have forgotten what good feels like. These sick fetishes are poison and they will rob you of real joy happiness and good feeling. Try giving this crap up not just 9 months no porn or wanking, but no fantasies no mentally playing around with this filth [ mental masterbation] and you might find that you actually hate all this stuff you have been into.

 

[Deleted Account]

Hello guys!
I am on my 90 days without PMO journey and just wanted to communicate something and ask advice, maybe someone already experienced this and knows the answer.

When I was 4-5 y.o. I often was playing with girly toys (like a barbie, dress-up games etc), when I was 10 I found attractive when I see beautiful woman wearing dress. But I was attracted not to the girl, but to the idea of wearing this dress myself. I was only 10 so I didn't pay much attention to it. When I was 12 I have taken my mother's tights on and masturbated. It was so pleasurable and I felt myself so high doing this.

After some time when I have already became a PMO addict I periodically was stealing mother's lingerie, dresses, leggings, shirts and was masturbating like this, then started going out wearing those outfits, then I started to buy my own lingerie and leggings + wearing a bit of the make-up.

Now I am 23 and I am doing 90 days no PMO reboot and cannot get rid of this idea in my head that I want to wear only girly cloth, makeup, look like a girl etc. And MOST of my cloth is already girly. Like I don't wear jeans at all, only leggings or jeggings, wearing woman tops, sometime tunics, dresses, girly shoes, chokers etc. Almost all the time when I wear it I become horny and fap after, and I also watched a lot of sissy hypnotic videos and porn. And my girlfriend knows about this and she is ok with it, we even had a sex as like a girl with a girl.

How do I get rid of those thoughts? Is it really a distractive way and the same as PMO or it's a different thing?

From what you posted you do not seem to identify as a woman. Woman don't feel horny every time they put on underwear. Therefore I think this is a fetish, and an unhealthy one. From your story it seems that something in your childhood gave you a predisposition to crossdressing and the fact that many of your first sexual encounters with woman's clothing means that it is deeply engrained in your brains sexual arousal circuits. Remember that the brain is plastic and can always be remolded. Due to the fact that you started this since age 12 it might take a while, maybe longer than a 90 day reboot, but don't give up!

I'm also in the same boat. I'm now 22 and had been doing similar behavior though my escalation into this behavior took a different route and took more time. It's really embarrassing and though it makes me crazy horny as soon as I O u realize that this is wrong. Only you can judge for your self and know what's right, you need to think about this when your not horny and see what the real you wants, because the horny you is not the real you.

If you decide to fight your way out of this then I recommend a couple things.

1 - throw away any woman's clothing you have! This is the most important. As long as you still have it you will still wear it, and as long as your still wearing it your still going to be feeding that dopamine cycle and keep the addiction going.

2 - exercise! Exercise releases testosterone that will make you feel more manly. Once you start seeing results from the exercise the new muscles and the increased strength will be a huge psychological boost.

3 - meditation. Meditation is one of the healthiest activities you can do and is well known for helping relieve addiction. Also in a situation where you feel confused about the absolute essence of yourself and feel like you don't know who you are, meditation can help you find yourself.

 

[Mikey_Niner]

Hello!

I actually just made a post about Sissy Hypnosis you might want to check out!

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/beware-of-sissy-hypnosis.96845/

Certainly, you were atleast somewhat predisposed to your behavior. Still, the hypnosis can warp and cement those values. It all really depends on is what you want to do. If you think you're going to be happy going down one path opposed to the other- your choice is made!

What you don't want is to make a choice if you still have even the slightest shred of doubt that it's the wrong one. You've got to be sure.

In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote that "the obstacle becomes the way." Generally, the choice that is the hardest and requires the most effort-that is the right choice. You're mind always tries to side with the easy way out, especially if you've been battling over it internally for some time.

I will say, statistic have shown that most individuals who go under HRT or GRS become chronically deppressdd and suicidal. I don't even know if those were things you were considering, but just to mention it.

Another thing to think about is your girlfriend. Do you want to stay with her? Would she be okay if you were completely feminized?

As far as preventing a relapse, there are many things you can attempt..

During my junior-senior year of high school, I became incredibly addicted to cigarettes. What I did to quit was rather unorthodox, but it's the notion that made the difference. I switched myself to bi-circadian sleep schedule. Meaning 36 hours awake, 12 asleep. Actually, I was probably more productive than I'd ever been with that schedule. It took a week, maybe two, to get used to the sleep schedule. I was so focused on the sleep schedule and managing all this new free time that I kind of forgot about smoking. Whenever I wanted to, it just became easier to resist.

Basically, in order to change and remove any habit, you need to in some way replace it. Either by an environment change or through an incentive. I wouldn't advocated what I did as a change of environment, as I'm rather extreme when it comes to stuff like that. However, the best advice I can offer you is to wake up exceptionally early every morning. I'm talking Ben Franklin early, 3-4am. You can meditate for an hour, plan your day, etc. In so doing, you'll gain an incredible amount of willpower. It will make refusing any urges easier. Waking up before the sunrises really has incredible mental effects.

Top that with an incentive, like idk, having some drinks, smoking a beezy, go to a party every weekend after a successful week. You need some type of reward to look forward too, and an actual one, not a mental "yahoo I did it" reward.

 

[Deleted Account]

Hello guys!
I am on my 90 days without PMO journey and just wanted to communicate something and ask advice, maybe someone already experienced this and knows the answer.

When I was 4-5 y.o. I often was playing with girly toys (like a barbie, dress-up games etc), when I was 10 I found attractive when I see beautiful woman wearing dress. But I was attracted not to the girl, but to the idea of wearing this dress myself. I was only 10 so I didn't pay much attention to it. When I was 12 I have taken my mother's tights on and masturbated. It was so pleasurable and I felt myself so high doing this.

After some time when I have already became a PMO addict I periodically was stealing mother's lingerie, dresses, leggings, shirts and was masturbating like this, then started going out wearing those outfits, then I started to buy my own lingerie and leggings + wearing a bit of the make-up.

Now I am 23 and I am doing 90 days no PMO reboot and cannot get rid of this idea in my head that I want to wear only girly cloth, makeup, look like a girl etc. And MOST of my cloth is already girly. Like I don't wear jeans at all, only leggings or jeggings, wearing woman tops, sometime tunics, dresses, girly shoes, chokers etc. Almost all the time when I wear it I become horny and fap after, and I also watched a lot of sissy hypnotic videos and porn. And my girlfriend knows about this and she is ok with it, we even had a sex as like a girl with a girl.

How do I get rid of those thoughts? Is it really a distractive way and the same as PMO or it's a different thing?

Because sissy porn is so nasty and addictive, you might be wise to steer clear from it forever. The cross-dressing desires can be examined with a clear head then.

 

[Deleted Account]

For 2 years I just enjoyed masturbating wearing lingerie etc (sexual fetish), then I started enjoying wearing it every day, after this I started watching sissy porn and craved for sucking penises and eating cumm being a sluty sissy transgender.
As well As I found that I now want wear makeup on and make boobs etc. on every day basis.

That's the exact direction sissy brainwashing wants everyone to go in. I wear knickers everyday, but that was before the hypnos, so I hope it's just a fun fetish for me and nothing more.

 

[Deleted Account]

Hello!

I actually just made a post about Sissy Hypnosis you might want to check out!

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/beware-of-sissy-hypnosis.96845/

Certainly, you were atleast somewhat predisposed to your behavior. Still, the hypnosis can warp and cement those values. It all really depends on is what you want to do. If you think you're going to be happy going down one path opposed to the other- your choice is made!

What you don't want is to make a choice if you still have even the slightest shred of doubt that it's the wrong one. You've got to be sure.

In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius wrote that "the obstacle becomes the way." Generally, the choice that is the hardest and requires the most effort-that is the right choice. You're mind always tries to side with the easy way out, especially if you've been battling over it internally for some time.

I will say, statistic have shown that most individuals who go under HRT or GRS become chronically deppressdd and suicidal. I don't even know if those were things you were considering, but just to mention it.

Another thing to think about is your girlfriend. Do you want to stay with her? Would she be okay if you were completely feminized?

As far as preventing a relapse, there are many things you can attempt..

During my junior-senior year of high school, I became incredibly addicted to cigarettes. What I did to quit was rather unorthodox, but it's the notion that made the difference. I switched myself to bi-circadian sleep schedule. Meaning 36 hours awake, 12 asleep. Actually, I was probably more productive than I'd ever been with that schedule. It took a week, maybe two, to get used to the sleep schedule. I was so focused on the sleep schedule and managing all this new free time that I kind of forgot about smoking. Whenever I wanted to, it just became easier to resist.

Basically, in order to change and remove any habit, you need to in some way replace it. Either by an environment change or through an incentive. I wouldn't advocated what I did as a change of environment, as I'm rather extreme when it comes to stuff like that. However, the best advice I can offer you is to wake up exceptionally early every morning. I'm talking Ben Franklin early, 3-4am. You can meditate for an hour, plan your day, etc. In so doing, you'll gain an incredible amount of willpower. It will make refusing any urges easier. Waking up before the sunrises really has incredible mental effects.

Top that with an incentive, like idk, having some drinks, smoking a beezy, go to a party every weekend after a successful week. You need some type of reward to look forward too, and an actual one, not a mental "yahoo I did it" reward.

You're right about feminising hormones. Also, the risk of organ problems and breast cancer in men increases unacceptably. Not to mention getting beaten up and suicide.

 

[li_89_am]

I think you should definitely abstain to let things settle and arrange to see a Counsellor and talk about this stuff. It seems pretty deep-routed and you need ot figure out yourself if it is a just a fetish or a fetish that reflects a lifestyle choice. Sex and sexual feelings just get in the way of everything, don't they!!!!

 

[Deleted Account]

Thank you all guys for your support!
I think I will finish my 90 days without PMO first and then with a new vision of life I will take another look on this situation.

Because I can see for now that if I continue my feminisation "hobby", I will eventually end up taking hormones, making boobs/ass etc. Which makes me feel weird and my girlfriend too. So now - I stopped.
I'm BOOM my 90 days and I'll see how it goes.

Some people don't feel comfortable in their bodies and want to change. That is completely okay, and if you eventually decide to go down that route, don't feel bad about it.

However, do NOT make that decision until you've been at least 2-3+ years completely PMO free. No masturbation. No edging. No porn. No fantasising about any of the things you mentioned in this thread whatsoever. Then see if you still want it. If you do, cool, go through with it, but otherwise don't.

The reason for this is that it sounds like this is something highly sexualised for you. The fact that your first time trying on women's clothing was something that immediately caused you to masturbate, makes it sound far more like a sexual fetish than you actually deep down wanting to be a woman for non-sexual reasons. If it's only a fetish, then it is not something you would want to go through the process of getting a sex change for. As doing that will not only probably bring back your PMO habit, but will also cause you many psychological issues.

A lot of these kinds of fetishes are connected to porn, so you may find that after say 6 months of not watching porn, the fetish mostly disappears. However if you want to find out if it's a porn induced fetish, it's important not to engage in the fetish itself during this time. That means, don't roleplay as a girl with your girlfriend. Don't fantasise or think thoughts about this fetish at all during the next 6 months.

If after 6 months of not even thinking about it, not watching porn, not masturbating etc your desire for it hasn't decreased at all, then it sounds like it's just a regular non porn related fetish, and that's completely okay. Nothing wrong with fetishes so long as they do no harm to anyone.

If on the other hand after that 6 months you find that your desire for the fetish has decreased, or vanished - then you know it's porn related, and you just need to stay away from porn and fantasy until it's gone.

 

[Berlengas]

Hello guys!
I am on my 90 days without PMO journey and just wanted to communicate something and ask advice, maybe someone already experienced this and knows the answer.

When I was 4-5 y.o. I often was playing with girly toys (like a barbie, dress-up games etc), when I was 10 I found attractive when I see beautiful woman wearing dress. But I was attracted not to the girl, but to the idea of wearing this dress myself. I was only 10 so I didn't pay much attention to it. When I was 12 I have taken my mother's tights on and masturbated. It was so pleasurable and I felt myself so high doing this.

After some time when I have already became a PMO addict I periodically was stealing mother's lingerie, dresses, leggings, shirts and was masturbating like this, then started going out wearing those outfits, then I started to buy my own lingerie and leggings + wearing a bit of the make-up.

Now I am 23 and I am doing 90 days no PMO reboot and cannot get rid of this idea in my head that I want to wear only girly cloth, makeup, look like a girl etc. And MOST of my cloth is already girly. Like I don't wear jeans at all, only leggings or jeggings, wearing woman tops, sometime tunics, dresses, girly shoes, chokers etc. Almost all the time when I wear it I become horny and fap after, and I also watched a lot of sissy hypnotic videos and porn. And my girlfriend knows about this and she is ok with it, we even had a sex as like a girl with a girl.

How do I get rid of those thoughts? Is it really a distractive way and the same as PMO or it's a different thing?

Before talking about you, i must warn you that im no specialist and everything i tell you will be considered my opinion, my representation, accept it as such.

It seems that you are a bit embarassed about your desires and you have been trying to "run" away from the problems originated from this thoughts. My advice is the following, try to face your thoughts. In order to help you do this, write in a papper why you like to dress girly things.

Ok, this is now my hypothesis, perhaps you like to dress girly things becouse you like the thought of "being" a women.

The reason why i put the apostrophes in "being" is becouse it is not possible for you to BE the label "women". By saying this, doesn't mean that it is possible for you to BE the label "man". And why can i be so sure about this?Imagine i write on a paper the word "women", and try to perform the same operations that i do on women in real life. The results are drastically different. If i try, for example, to greet this label "women" i do not get the same results that if i greet a women in real life. Therefore, the label and thing in question are DRASTICALLY different. In my personal opinion, it seems like you are confusing the label women with the thing in question. Just becouse you think you have a vagina, doesn't mean you have one.

How can we interpret the words "men" and "women" then? These words are just labels, representations, stories made by someone, to someone, it is not possible for them to BE physical quantities (in your real world) although, you can condition to have a neural circuitry designed to operate like that.
Everytime that you think you are aroused by being a girl or dressing girl things, analyze what's going on there. What's happening? Your eyes detect the visual information, of the dress and start making associations about you are/"want" be, and this is the problem, you cant stop becouse you were never taught to stop thinking.

When this happens, STOP, and think that it is not possible for you to BE a "girl", as discussed above. This triggering sense is your brain trying to represent you in that way (to BE a girl), leading you to an interpretation with drastic differences from the physical world (it is in your mind). Then, after this, look again to the thing that triggered you focus on what your senses are sensing such as,what your eyes are seeing in THIS moment, what are the sounds involved in THIS moment, etc... to rewrite how to face the situation in the present and in the future and aknowladge that it wasn't this dress that was triggering or that thighs that were triggering, you were the one that were making this objects triggerable by the thought that you could be/couldn't be a girl.

This worked for me, it is not perfect, but you can definetely control it, comprehend yourself and see where you can improve on.
This also works for other triggers/fetishes.
Send me a reply if you followed this.

 

[Roady]

Hi Pilgrim18
I do recognize your story.
I did exactly the same when I was a teenager.
I used to cloth myself with my moms stuff, put on makeup, and then masturbate.
In my fantasy I went all the way down, fantasising having a vagina, having sex with a penis, oral sex and so further.

It made me depressive and lonely because i was constantly suppressing the boy I really was, but was not able to be that boy because of the circumstances in our family.

After years I am free of my fetish and addiction (because crossdressing is just a fetish).
I can tell you, the whole crossdress thing had to do with the lack of attachment to my mom.
I was not able to get connected to my mom, neither to my dad. The crossdress thing was just a way to compensate the missing connections. Clothing myself as a girl gives me the idea that I was safe.
Of course who should not feel save when put on mommies bra and put on her makeup and feel softly all around
In my young brain I must have believed: When it is not able to attach to mommy, I use her stuff to get that attachment.

It's a very complex thing with lots of side-themes. But if you really want, it's possible to grow out of your fetish.

 

[EndOfTheRoad]

I am 100% open to people being who they want to be...However, as I've been where you are, I think that the answer is obvious.

You get horny when you dress up. You don't feel like a girl on your regular day to day activities. It's a fetish. Stop hypno, give up your girly clothes as they are sexual stimulants right now and then do a 90 day no sexual activities apart from m2f sex with your gf. Then you can decide whether feminisation is for you.