Fetish absolutely destroying sexual health

Proplets · Oct 9, 2022

I seriously need help. Since a small child, I have had an interest for freckled skin that has evolved into a fetish over time. I started doing problematic sexual behavior pretty early. I would constantly stare at women with freckles when I was little. I remember when I was around 11 and 12, when I was watching TV and a woman with freckles showed up on a show or ad, I would look the ad or the actor up just to get a bit of sexual satisfaction. Whenever I saw a woman with freckles in public, I would fantasize about them when I got home. This went on for a bit until at 13, I got my first phone.

Getting a phone was horrible for me, especially when I got social media. TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and Reddit did me really wrongly. As soon as I discovered how many women with freckles were on those apps, I immediately started to constantly use them. And then one time I was playing with my dick and accidentally orgasmed, and I did that by prone masturbating. I was shocked by the pleasure and dopamine I got from it and immediately sought to try it again. Just like that, I started masturbating daily. I started relying on the sight of freckled skin for an orgasm, and the addiction all started there.

I made attempts to stop pretty early. I remember hearing about no nut November when I was 13, so I tried that. It went horribly. I went to an open house for my school and a woman had heavily freckled skin so I fantasized off of that and edged then boom, I masturbated. First day of November. I gave up and constantly masturbated. I completely stopped getting erections after a while. I don't even know where to start on this. I feel absolutely destroyed right now.

Skipping a few years, I learned about nofap. I've been on and off with it. I learned about the dangers of masturbating and what benefits you get from masturbating. What struck me most was more attraction from women, and as an average black male with a serious problem, I really could've used that. The longest I went was I believe 60 days and then I got cocky thinking I got rid of my fetish and then looked at videos of women with freckles and I've never cummed so hard. Just like that, I'm back masturbating again.

My fetish has escelated me so hard. I never thought I would be bisexual but here I am now. I found myself masturbating to men with freckles not too soon after. If any of my family saw me like this, I would be disowned. Lonely, a loser, and masturbating to random people.

I'm honestly pathetic. Im just here typing anonymously on a website hoping someone will listen to my problems. Masturbating has completely destroyed my life. I just want to be normal.

The main problem for me isn't even porn but it's social media. It's literally a few clicks away with so many people with freckles posting harmless selfies. I feel honestly terrible masturbating to them so much. Imagine you just have a certain genetic and someone immediately sees you sexually huh.

Next problem is I literally cannot feel attraction towards a woman unless she has freckles. Not only has my standards for freckled women get raised from all the masturbation, but I'm not even that good looking. My preference has escelated to pale white women with extreme freckles which is really rare, and I'm too ugly to be demanding so much. I can't even feel attraction towards my own race anymore. I masturbated to white women with freckles so much I literally don't feel attraction to black women with freckles, though I used to before I started prone masturbation. I've had people call me attractive and ask me out before but they all failed. I get no attention in public. I honestly get completely ignored. The only time I ever got attention from a woman was when I was at church and I was on a nofap streak of I think 3 weeks and my voice was heavy and a woman complimented that but I honestly think she was just trying to be polite. I've had no luck with women. All my relationships fell out. No one has asked me out or even looked at me for more than a year. Im just an absolute loser man. I just wish I could go back to when I didn't masturbate.

But anyway. I'm gonna talk about the present now. I got into a mindset on how futile masturbating is and became more religious. I decided I'm going to work hard in school and try not to worry about my sex life. I haven't masturbated in 2 weeks currently. Though, I had a bad relapse yesterday because gay urges kept bothering me and my idiotic self thought it was a good idea to indulge in it and force myself to not think it's attractive when in reality I'm just feeding my brain. Although i didn't masturbate I was still being a weirdo. I found less meaning in masturbation, but I know that's gonna change in one unfortunate day in the future.

Sorry for making that really long. I just wanted to vent. I need help. Is there any other fetishist out there that wants to be accountability partners? Is there even anyone out there with a freckle fetish? How do I stop myself from destroying my life :/

Meshuga · Oct 9, 2022

It’s good you’ve identified a problem and are doing something about it. The key to success is doing the right things about it, not just feeling distraught or ashamed about it.

First thing, 60 days is a good streak for abstaining from PMO, but time alone can’t fix an addiction like this. The fetish is just a layer, it’s the addiction you want to fight.

Second, most of those I know with triple digit streaks quit social media. Fetish or vanilla, it’s full of triggers but even without them, it’s absolute garbage for mental health. The cycle of checking likes and browsing content is a dopamine trap, specifically designed to keep you engaged but unsatisfied. Addiction is a mental health problem. There is nothing important going on in there, I promise you, and you’ll recognize it when you stop using it for a while and the FOMO wears off. For you, avoiding the selfies you have a problem with is only the first reason to stop checking in on your accounts. You’ll be a happier, more effective person without them. Make a plan for how you’re going to spend your time instead.

Third, have you explored why this skin type, which has zero inherent sexual value, did become sexualized for you? What values do you attach to this skin, what do you think it indicates or symbolizes about the individual? Figuring out the deeper reason might help break the spell. I mean, I know you think it looks good, but why? Good in what way? What do you think, way deep down, this skin is going to do for you?

Last, I think you’re going to be okay. It’s going to take a lot of effort & suffering, but you know about this thing. You know it’ll destroy you if left unchecked, so you’re going to check it.

Proplets · Oct 9, 2022

Meshuga said: ↑

It’s good you’ve identified a problem and are doing something about it. The key to success is doing the right things about it, not just feeling distraught or ashamed about it.

First thing, 60 days is a good streak for abstaining from PMO, but time alone can’t fix an addiction like this. The fetish is just a layer, it’s the addiction you want to fight.

Second, most of those I know with triple digit streaks quit social media. Fetish or vanilla, it’s full of triggers but even without them, it’s absolute garbage for mental health. The cycle of checking likes and browsing content is a dopamine trap, specifically designed to keep you engaged but unsatisfied. Addiction is a mental health problem. There is nothing important going on in there, I promise you, and you’ll recognize it when you stop using it for a while and the FOMO wears off. For you, avoiding the selfies you have a problem with is only the first reason to stop checking in on your accounts. You’ll be a happier, more effective person without them. Make a plan for how you’re going to spend your time instead.

Third, have you explored why this skin type, which has zero inherent sexual value, did become sexualized for you? What values do you attach to this skin, what do you think it indicates or symbolizes about the individual? Figuring out the deeper reason might help break the spell. I mean, I know you think it looks good, but why? Good in what way? What do you think, way deep down, this skin is going to do for you?

Last, I think you’re going to be okay. It’s going to take a lot of effort & suffering, but you know about this thing. You know it’ll destroy you if left unchecked, so you’re going to check it.
Click to expand...

Yeah yeah I've been avoiding social media more and more lately. Finding stuff to replace it. Idek how the skin type became a thing but now that i think about it who cares? I'm gonna replace this terrible masturbation habit and it doesn't matter what my type is or not afterwards as long as if I'm free from this trap.

Afunction · Oct 9, 2022

You can do this bro, it would probably help you to know that you're worthy of female affection and a healthy path is definitely open for you if you have the strength to take it.

Meshuga · Oct 9, 2022

Proplets said: ↑

Idek how the skin type became a thing but now that i think about it who cares? I'm gonna replace this terrible masturbation habit and it doesn't matter what my type is or not afterwards as long as if I'm free from this trap.
Click to expand...

It matters because it helps you understand exactly what you’re getting out of it that keeps you returning to it. When you understand that, you get a better idea of what to replace it with.

When I remember P is, for me, an escape from a current problem into a fictional situation where people are happier in some way, an urge tips me off that I’m dissatisfied in some way. I know there’s a conflict in my life to resolve. Then I can work on resolving it and the urge vanishes. If I didn’t know what P was doing for me, I wouldn’t understand why I was having an urge and wouldn’t do anything to address the root problem. I’d have to white knuckle it all the way through, and eventually I’d break.

Proplets · Oct 9, 2022

Will do thanks for the advice. Facts though. It feels like we are completely delusional that a shot of dopamine will fix all of our problems when it's just a false sense of pleasure ‍♂️ best of luck to you

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Fetish absolutely destroying sexual health

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