Fiance hiding porn addiction for 6 years

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by JessicaAxters, Nov 23, 2016.

  1. JessicaAxters

    JessicaAxters New Fapstronaut

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    Hey! Great to be part of this forum. I just found out a few weeks ago that my fiance is a porn addict. he had been hiding this for 6 years!This has been so devastating- I've been sitting with this and trying to be present for weeks, but it is eating me up inside. Everyday I'm aware of so much pain and distrust inside me..I'm hurt because I love him, but I JUST CANT trust him anymore and its killing me. I'm not a social media person(to my detriment) because he had some secrets there as well- you have no idea how relieved I am to find a group of ladies who are going through this- There is so much I want to let out, but I would end up crying out an entire book.

    I had caught him watching porn before, and was slightly worried, but I didnt confront him until until my friend recommended this video and it pretty much confirmed my suspicions-anyone heard of him?



    I'm just glad I'm not alone in this. I'm looking for any kind of resource that can help me handle this- its pretty rough. Any suggestions?
     
  2. i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the forum. I know up are looking for support from other wives and girlfriends, but there are many husbands and boyfriends who have gone through this process and gotten clean and sober. Recovery is possible if your boyfriend realizes he has a problem and and takes primary responsibility for his recovery.

    Firstly I wanted to assure you that you are not to blame for this problem and you are not responsible for any escalation in his behavior. Anger, numbness, bitterness, and frustration are natural reactions to discovering his addiction. You rightly are allowed to feel betrayed. Porn cannot be part of any healthy relationship and you have every right to expect him to give this up. Withdrawing your trust is a natural response to discovering his deceptive behavior. You rightly need to protect yourself emotionally. Until he gives this up, he is not worthy of trust.

    Even though there are things that are still lovable about him, those lovable things will start to disappear as this addiction gets worse. Addicts lose more and more of their humanity the longer this goes on. Those lovable things also makes it hard for SO's to take a hard stand and demand change.

    Have you talked to him yet? Have there been any conversations about porn in the past? Or are you looking for advice about how to confront him? Are you looking to understand why men turn to porn addiction in the first place? We hope to give you the knowledge, advice, and support you need to go forward.
     
    WifeInTheDark likes this.
  3. feeling good

    feeling good Fapstronaut

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    Why is he still your fiance after 6 years... Why don't you get married with him... Its not always a guy's problem

    I had a girl friend who used to work some place far... Our relationship was great... However as time passed... The romance decreased as she gave more time to job, friends and her family rather to me. And to get back to her I used to watch porn.

    Please see if that's the case... Talk to him directly... It's always good... Rather then seeing YouTube videos and thinking he is addicted to porn

    If he is addicted and you love him and he loves you too... You both will surely help each other

    Sorry if you feel bad
    Thank you for reading
     
    Dr.NoFap likes this.
  4. JessicaAxters

    JessicaAxters New Fapstronaut

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    @i_wanna_get_better1 thank you for your response. I have already confronted him and he admitted it..but I feel he is holding back alot more.I introduced him to this forum, after browsing through it for awhile.Its scary though- I'm trying not to think that he will become a totally different person. I'm going to need to do alot of self work. He doesn't understand why the trust is suddenly gone or why I'm so hurt.


    @feeling good if you're trying to imply that this is my fault because we aren't married, that just ignorant and silly.
     
  5. BruceD

    BruceD Fapstronaut
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    You already have a lot of my respect. The fact that you have done the research and introducing him to this is incredible and far ahead of perhaps many. I know of what I speak for I was that guy. I lost a great lady because of it. Our intimacy was in the beginning average but very infrequent to just plain terrible in the end. She finally broke up with me after 4 years. Truth be told, we had some other differences personality wise and it was for the best but I still feel very remorseful nonetheless. The awful sex life was mainly on me. I hurt her terribly, denying and outright lying. We are still friendly but don't talk much. She may never forgive me and hell, I don't really blame her. I cheated both of us because of this. It's something I am gonna have to live with.

    I think you need to ask him to be honest. Hopefully in a non-judgmental way, put it all on the table. Tell him he needs to give this up and you will work with him. That's something my ex and I never really did. It may be brutal but it's necessary if you love each other. Maybe give him some time, but in the end, if he still is coy, make a tough decision. Please have him learn from my mistake. It's of course your business. I hope I can help.
     
    ClearChrystal likes this.
  6. Baden

    Baden Fapstronaut

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    @JessicaAxters Help me understand why it's devastating. Reason I'm asking I want to understand my wife's complete denial in this. I repeatedly explained to her, it has nothing to do with her whatsoever. I will claim that if this was an heroin addiction, her understanding would be different.

    Else I'll echo what's already been told. You need to look after yourself but if you love him, you can help him a lot much more than he can ever explain.
     
  7. Baden

    Baden Fapstronaut

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    What sex life? ;)
     
    Dr.NoFap likes this.

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