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Fighting temptation

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by HealingIsHard, Dec 18, 2020.

  1. Dec 18, 2020 #1
    HealingIsHard

    HealingIsHard Fapstronaut

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    My PM escalated over a year ago... I visited a lady of the night for the first time. Despite being happily married. Call it curiosity. Maybe it was the dry period after my newborn's birth.... no excuse though.
    It went on to happen 3 more times this year... I justify it to my conscience by not allowing it to go all the way to intercourse, but that doesn't make my deeds any less terrible.
    I have betrayed my family and my own values. I can't answer the questions like what if that was my daughter desperate to survive and resorting to such an occupation... there is no justification and I know this. The guilt and self-loathing and potential consequences, it's not worth it...
    But I can't seem to stop myself being tempted. Almost daily I see them on the road home, I can't help looking. Even circling back to see if I loke what I see, or asking how much...
    Please help... I don't know how to stop this risky behaviour, my urges override all sense on the moment and I am fixated on the potential high. It has been months since my last episode, but I don't know how long I can last. I manage to talk myself out of it but barely, I don't know what will happen if I see one I find attractive, or in a moment of weakness... what should I do?
     
    HealingIsHard, Dec 18, 2020
    HealingIsHard, Dec 18, 2020
    #1
    blacklabel92 and AJ777 like this.
  2. Dec 20, 2020 #2
    AJ777

    AJ777 Fapstronaut
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    I know you probably don't want to hear this but if I were you I would come clean with my partner, if you value trust and honesty in your relationship, you need to come clean and ask for forgiveness.

    You should focus all of your attention and thoughts on your wife/partner and your kid... think about how your actions affect them...
    I feel kind of bad for you but at the same time the situation you're in is the result of your choices and the best way to come back from them is total transparency.
    Not to say you cant hide it and deal with it on your own... but what if your wife found out? What if you keep relapsing and further drive a wedge between the relationship to your family?
    P. is one thing for a single person to be struggling with, and please dont take my comments the wrong way im trying not to sound condemning or anything, but it sounds like youve cheated on your partner which, while bad, CAN be forgiven and dealt with, but depends on how you handle it and if you are willing to come clean.
    Also, being honest and open about it will also help you face the issue and be less tempted. I promise.
    The power of sin is in secrecy.
    Always put your family's needs ahead of your own.
    God bless and I hope you can overcome this
     
    AJ777, Dec 20, 2020
    AJ777, Dec 20, 2020
    #2
    HealingIsHard and Joe1023 like this.
  3. Dec 20, 2020 #3
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    Is there someone you can talk to in the moment of the urge? It might be helpful to have an AP. Whether you tell your wife or not, you will still need someone else to talk to in case of future urges or temptations. You won’t want to tell your wife every time you experience a temptation as it would trigger her.
     
    Deleted Account, Dec 20, 2020
    Deleted Account, Dec 20, 2020
    #3
    HealingIsHard likes this.
  4. Dec 21, 2020 #4
    HealingIsHard

    HealingIsHard Fapstronaut

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    @AJ777, I hear you. It is advice I would give myself too. But it is hard to swallow. And I fear my marriage would not survive such a confession. Not unless I can prove I can overcome and that's why I'm trying to do so first. Maybe in time I can build up the courage.

    @puius8435, I am looking for an AP, hopefully I find one soon and the partnership works out.

    Thanks both of you for the valued advice.
     
    HealingIsHard, Dec 21, 2020
    HealingIsHard, Dec 21, 2020
    #4
    puius8435 likes this.

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