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Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by lifeinhell, Feb 26, 2019.
so please vote. Ur identity is secret even from me
Lifeinhell What are you trying to achieve from this vote?
from reading a few thread here and outside I came to know that this thing is more common than we think. But a lot of us struggle alone thinking that they are alone. This very thought develops into much more over time. At times I stopped socializing, disconnected male friends and become panicked in public that what if someone finds out my SSA. I check my behavior every now and then, I don't look into the eyes. Which then gets misunderstood as low self-confidence.
What I am trying to do here is to find out how common this problem is, at least I am not the only one. And there are people who either overcame this problem or embraced it.
Every time I would become stressful next time I would think that there are other people on the same boat and they are struggling too. This helps getting relieved a lot.
It has been documented that porn can warp the desires of an individual. While your core sexual drives to mate with your preferred sex will stay with you forever, porn can stuff other attractions and desires in your mind. Most commonly, guys find themselves looking at rather violent or disturbing porn, developing fetishes of certain items and/or situations, and even beginning to become sexually aroused by the idea of having sex with their non-preferred gender.
Porn that doesn't fit your orientation can be shocking, disgusting, and give people anxiety. While these would turn people away from a stimulus in other circumstances, if an individual is aroused and/or PMOing, these emotions will increase arousal and decrease stimulation needed to orgasm. It then creates this cycle of shock, curiosity, arousal, orgasm, and then shame, embarrassment, and confusion. The last three emotions are present because the P the individual is PMOing to is not part of they person's true sexuality. They also add fuel in the form of sexual curiosity to make the individual PMO to this newfound porn.
If you think your sexual tastes have been warped by porn, or just have questions about your sexuality and would like some answers/advice, joing the group "Confused Sexualities". Lots of guys, including me, have found themselves very attracted to certain P, only to realize it was false and get rid of it using a reboot. This happens to other groups of people as well; straight women have reported being only aroused by lesbian or gay porn after misusage, and gay men have become addicted to straight porn.
I would like to say I am 100% pro-LGBTQ. I know plenty of LGBTQ people, and two of my close female friends are dating each other. Being gay, trans, bi, queer, whatever is totally cool and you should pursue that if it's you. However, these porn-induced fetishes are not who we are, and must be exorcised. If you're really confused about your sexuality, then do a reboot anyway. It will clear your mind of anything put in there by porn or anything else, and you'll be able to discover yourself with a sex professional, friends, and a partner. Best of luck everyone
Thats a lot of us don't know. And this very ignorance leads to worse situation.
There's not a choice for me in that poll.
I long ago accepted the fact that my sexual interest was almost entirely toward other men. That is not good and I do my best to refrain from that behavior. I believe I am happier being chaste than being promiscuous, even though I know lots of people think that very strange; oh well. I am a Christian and I have a further horizon in view.
I also came to accept, a long time ago, that while I wish I could have been married to a woman and raised children, that wasn't going to happen; and for all I know, that was a blessing. Perhaps I would have been a terrible husband and father. If so, I'm content that it did not happen.
Perhaps I could have "reoriented" myself; but I never did, and I don't know that I ever will.
So I don't know which answer you imagine I would check, above.
FYI this poll is titled "Fighting with Gay mentality", so I didn't expected people who are much content . Sorry.
No apology needed, I was just giving you my perspective.
So aaaa.. what is SSA/HOCD?
SSA=Same sex attraction
HOCD= Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder(What if I'm gay? Oh no. My life is ruined. Lets see if I am really gay repeatedly to assure my brain>)
Want to know more google HOCD.
oh crap actually I have smth like that associated with femdom ... ect
I can relate 100% to your words, man....the eye contact, panick attacks, "SSA", and etc. I think it's a vicious circle (like in the movie called "Happy Death Day" lol) but I just didn't find out how to interrupt it yet...
Sorry but this poll is whether you like it or not, homophobic. A lot of the advice from people on this forum are from straight people who think that anyone with the slightest desire for the same sex are only saying that because they watched gay P.
Gay P can warp people’s perceptions but so can Straight P. Rebooting is great. We need to be accepting even if people are actually gay.
If you do the reboot or abstain from PMO, you might be gay or straight and that’s okay.
Thats why its a poll. You have options to do what you want.
And I am totally ok with gay people. They are also human with desire and need. Everyone have the right to fulfill their need the way they want.
Yeah agreed that Porn no matter which one can wrap you badly.
But a lot of us don't know that. We consider that "Ok, if I like gay porn, I am gay. If I have a accidental erection in the change room I am gay." Some embrace it and lead a happy life. They don't question their selves. Congrats to them in finding happiness.
While some would go nuts that they are gay, start OCD behavior and ruin their peaceful life. This poll is for them. So that they might know they are not alone. We are also fighting these situations just like them just a little longer.
Forums posts like this actually drive me crazy!
Being gay or bisexual is not a disorder nor is it a mental illness. Many millions of men in the world identify as Gay or Bisexual because they enjoy being with another man, they have romantic and fulfilling lives and relationships together.
Seeing posts like this from men who identify as straight but are so freaked out and insecure in their masculinity that they need to believe their attraction to another man stems from a psychological disorder that is related to porn abuse, just so they still feel like " a real man" it's crazy! News Flash- Gay guys are real men too, in fact there are many of them who are very manly- life isn't about stereotypes.
So you found a guy attractive in porn- it's not anything remotely close to resembling a big deal, it's 2019- it's fine- sexuality is a spectrum and most people often have very fluid sexuality to some degree, it's normal and healthy to embrace your sexuality be it 99% straight or 99% gay or 50/50 - it is not healthy to condemn yourself as some kind of deviant rather than accept a possibility you may have an attraction to men also.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how Porn abuse can drive us to seek out more and more shocking porn, needing something more extreme in order to be stimulated etc- But gay sex is neither extreme or taboo- it's two consenting adult males having sex. Furthermore, as a gay man myself, I have watched porn that was soft and got more extreme over time- I never went to straight or lesbian porn however...
The most upsetting part of threads like this is how damaging it can be to people struggling with their sexuality- Vulnerable people who worry about possibly being gay come to these forums and will at once see threads like this that they have "HOCD" or whatever. They will then torture themselves for weeks, months possibly years as to why it hasn't gone away because they stopped masturbating/using porn.
At the very least the language you use in this thread- "Will die before ever acting on my desire for a man" "gay mentality" "oh no my life is ruined" - it's really quite hurtful to those of us who accept we are gay or bisexual.
To clarify I'm not saying you shouldn't reboot- I'm sure your fantasies have become warped- as most of us have. However I just worry at damaging and overly prevalent believe on these forums that any slight attraction to the same sex means you are a deviant head case with porn addiction. That is not true.
I'm so so sorry @Ready to be healthy And all the other gay people if these languages are hurtful. I never intended them to be hurting, these're just what I personally think and think that other personals like me feels.
For me it's the ultimate peak of porn, I know for some straight people its an extreme sexual content. And gay is not a taboo it's as normal as everything.
Certainly not true. We who freak out about our masculinity never "believe their attraction to another man stems from a psychological disorder that is related to porn abuse, just so they still feel like " a real man"". Rather, some of these insecurities are born because we see gay porn actor being so masculine and well build. In fact, I see gay porn to feel masculine.
No news to me I also think some gay men are very manly.
Well, news flash to you: even in 2019 there are places on earth, many places on earth, where being gay is seen as a vice and it's inserted so deeply in the root mentality that some people ruin their life obsessing over the very fact. They would literally will die before even considering to check. I don't think that's healthy.
There are many content in the internet which outright says "You are gay, you souldn't change that."
there are also many content saying, " Aroused to same-sex photo *electric shock*, aroused to opposite-sex photo *cupcake*". Content that are neutral are very handsome.
For most of the content I saw in these forum, they might say what you say, "any slight attraction to the same sex means you are a deviant head case with porn addiction." but all of them conclude with "do a reset and see what happens, if you still feel that you are gay, Fine, if you think you are no more attracted to males both are fine with me."
This is the very belief that made me join NoFap.
I would like to apologize to all the homosexual people here if I hurt your feeling, I am really immature not considering your feeling. Forgive me, brothers.
THANK YOU. Also you don’t have to look a certain way to be gay. It’s so bad that the only way for you to have some sort of attraction that you MUST have HOCD. What if you are just ACTUALLY gay, and you need to accept it? Thank you OP for the extra option because honey, I have liked men and have liked these things since I was a little boy. If you have SSA or HOCD, maybe you are bisexual or maybe you are gay and THAT’S OKAY.
If you are macho or play sports, you can still be gay!!! It happens!!! There are gay football players and soccer and every sport there is.
Sure, porn can influence things but yes you can still be like 10% gay and 90% straight
I appreciate this thoughtful response and your apology on the hurtful language used.
I would just add that the places on earth that condemn same sex relations are generally extremely regressive countries where people from many minority groups do not have rights, women, gays, people with disabilities and I do not consider opinions of such places to be valid or worth my time. They are archaic and unenlightened and appear to remain in some kind of dark ages. The same goes for any adds online that talk about shock therapy and treatments- it's homophobic bigotry to the extreme and their misguided and prejudice views drive them to commit hate crimes. They are sick- not the people who are gay.
Either way, I truly hope you find health and happiness in terms of your porn addiction and after a reboot/reset- whatever your sexuality or preferences, I hope you can be happy within yourself. Every human deserves that regardless of sex, race, gender, sexuality etc.
Why is it hurtful for you once u accepted you are gay/bi. Does it matter what others say?... If this is hurtful for you, then you still didn't accept fully your desires, or your desires are unwanted at least to some level.
Well the language is hurtful because we fight to live every day. In places like the US, it’s more safe. But if you go to poorer countries then if you are known to be gay you can get killed in public or go to jail by the government.
For people who are fighting everyday to live using words like “will die before acting on it” are insulting because there are people who are actually dying from being gay