Fin/Femme-Domme Addiction Help

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by SuperX88, Jul 27, 2021.

  1. SuperX88

    SuperX88 New Fapstronaut

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    I'm a straight male in my 20s and to be honest, I consider myself to have/had a very problematic addiction to fin/femme-domination.

    The whole kink started when some of my followers retweeted posts from findom accounts on social media. For years, I can't go months without sending money and then talking to domme girls online.

    I've honestly been trying to stop.

    However, just recently, I got myself into a pretty traumatic experience that was very regretful. Basically did a live session with a domme that costed me a lot of money and ended up with a "golden shower". Although based on what happened, my risks are very low, I'm obsessed over the fact that I could have gotten an STD (my chances are extremely low based on what multiple hotlines told me).

    I would say due to the traumatic event, it has been weeks ever since I spent money to talk to or get humiliated by these domme girls online. However, what can I do to make sure that this *never* happens again in the future?

    Should I also attempt to get my money back for the live session?

    I hope I'm not the only one who suffers from this.
     
  2. I have to say that I have have some pretty wild desires of my own and I feel as if there is no way out for me. I will admit that findom is not one of them so I am unsure if I can help you there. But I do understand the femdom aspect of your situation. I myself have some crazy things I'm interested in but I feel that my desires have to do more with fetishes than with dominatrix women. But my fetishes do have to do with femdom though so I hope we can help each other there. As for the findom thing I suggest staying away from twitch, onlyfans, and other sites that do this sort of thing! PM me please I need advice to (If you can help me, If you can't it's okay I understand.)
     
  3. SuperX88

    SuperX88 New Fapstronaut

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    Just messaged you!

     
  4. Forget the money. It’s gone.
    Trying to get it back means reengaging with this woman and with a high likelihood of failure/ feeling worse after … which will make you want to act out again.

    I’ve had similar experiences. Awful experiences. Focus on what just happened and let it motivate you to move your life in a different direction.
     
  5. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    If you feel like your compulsions are so strong, in a moment of clarity, set up an internet blocker to not allow you to visit any URLs related to porn, sex, or anything that aroused you. Most are easy to bypass ngl, but many users have found that few seconds it takes to unblock a website highly valuable.

    I was never explicitly in the findom realm, but I did shell out hundreds of dollars for sex toys to penetrate myself, women's clothes/lingerie, and other fetish gear. I know the rush can be a lot.

    A 90 day hardmode reboot, followed by rewiring with positive sexual experiences, is definitely the way to go. There's plenty of resources on this site, but I'll link to my personal favorites, Your Brain on Porn. Go crazy on that site. I would advise you read all of these linked articles and any others you find interesting. if you feel it's not worth your time, ask yourself if you'd rather spend all that money again to have someone pee on you :)

    Evolution has not prepared your brain for today’s porn

    Porn FAQs

    Is my fetish porn-induced?

    see rebooting basics page

    What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?

    Do I have to have sex in order to rewire?

    Will stopping porn solve my problems?

    How do I cope with porn flashbacks?

    What do I do when I have too much sexual energy?

    Why do porn cues still trigger a rush (sensitization)?
     
  6. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    The money is spent. Let it be a reminder to not go back
     
    RavenGT likes this.
  7. Peiskos

    Peiskos Fapstronaut

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    My advice would be to cut your losses and forget about the money. Delete your online profile for these live sessions and any social media related to this.

    These girls on these sites don’t care about you, they literally would not care if you got hit by a bus and died, because you’re just a pay check to them. They won’t be thinking about you and whether or not you sign in to see them…because sadly there’s still tons of men who will. When she looks at you she doesn’t see a human being, she sees dollar signs.

    It will be hard but not only are you damaging your bank account but you’re also damaging your mind and normal sexual function by allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
     
    Sargiel and TimeToQuitNow like this.
  8. Yellowbrain

    Yellowbrain Fapstronaut

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    I've struggled with findom for years. It's an awful addiction. It's not just an addiction to porn. These women get you addicted to destroying yourself.
     
    Be.Well and Admonius like this.
  9. Admonius

    Admonius Fapstronaut

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    I’m in the same boat and I finally broke free this year. It’s so expensive and it’s a double edged sword of that porn addiction and, to a certain extent, gambling addiction. You never know what you will get and it adds a whole new level of novelty.
     
    Be.Well and Yellowbrain like this.
  10. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    What did you do to break free?
     
    Admonius likes this.
  11. Admonius

    Admonius Fapstronaut

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    It took me a long time to break free: I dealt with shame and all the accompanying emotions that come from this sort of fetish. I had to work on my self esteem, learn to value the dollar and develop awareness around what I was feeling. I learned to see these so called “dommes” as people who lacked self esteem and that I valued myself more as a person than someone who is weak and not worthy of being valued. It took time but I got there in the end and I do have moments where I have looked at their profiles. Most recently I broke a domme and made her be a sub and once I did that I became a stronger person.
     
    Be.Well and TimeToQuitNow like this.
  12. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    Heal your self-esteem and it would be impossible to weaken again
     
    Sargiel and Admonius like this.

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