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Finally felt affection for somone else...please help im not use to this!

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Iwannabeme, Aug 27, 2016.

  1. Aug 27, 2016 #1
    Iwannabeme

    Iwannabeme Fapstronaut

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    So ive been seeing this girl for less than a month. Im on my 26th day no pm. We had sex quite alot, in fact its the first time ive actually been able to really feel the passion from sex in a really long time. Which was huge, trouble is i started to become very emotionally attached to her and reliate on her. And my mind is say NO this isnt porn...what are you doing?! This requires emotional commitment! This is gonna hurt! Im really not use to this aspect and am trying to cope with the emotions from it all. Shes a nice girl but i dont see myself with her long term. But i was still so tied to her because of finally feeling sex like i did before, i started to rely on her too much for emotional support. She became my porn almost, it was more natural and not sick like p. But having sex with her was a crutch. All in all i guess im just getting out of my comfort zone, and this is what happens. It just scary right now because i feel so damn vulnerable and weak. I really dont know what to do about it all...
     
    Iwannabeme, Aug 27, 2016
    Iwannabeme, Aug 27, 2016
    #1
    Chained1991 likes this.
  2. Aug 28, 2016 #2
    i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    When you start seeing someone you are bound to get emotionally attached to them. If you have sex with them then the amount of emotions involved climbs exponentially. Any time we form an attachment to someone it exposes us to potential pain and loss.

    Addicts have an aversion towards forming important relationships with others. We want to feel good consistently and reliably. We desire control. But people are not predictable, and we might be afraid of getting hurt. We place our relationship with porn over relationships with others. Therefore, by the time we get into recovery most of the relationships in our lives have withered or died.

    Part of recovery involves reconnecting with friends, family, community, and ourselves... that is how we we get our emotional needs satisfied in healthy ways. We bury a lot of feelings while we're addicted, and when we are in recovery many feelings start rising to the surface that we haven't felt in a long time and that is scary. Anticipating, or actual going through, a breakup will cause emotional pain. We medicated our emotional pain with PMO when we addicted. And that will become attractive to us again when we hurt.

    You mention that you depend upon her for emotional support... that is usually a good thing. Is there something I'm missing? Do you not reciprocate? Do you feel guilty because you expect to break up with her? Do you feel guilty because you kept your secret from her? Do you have residual feelings of unworthiness from your addiction? Are you scared because you are finally feeling things that are genuine and strong for the first time in a long time? Are you confused because this is part of what it feels like to have a real relationship and fall in love?
     
    i_wanna_get_better1, Aug 28, 2016
    i_wanna_get_better1, Aug 28, 2016
    #2
    WifeInTheDark and Krutonpalmer3 like this.
  3. Aug 28, 2016 #3
    Iwannabeme

    Iwannabeme Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for for the reply, i was def feeling alot of this. I really was desiring that contol, i stayed at her house quite alot. So we got really caught up in each other very quickly. If we got into it i would feel the desire to just leave because then at least i could contol how much i was gonna get her. All in all i could tell she was bad for me but having a person to talk to, spend time with, and get intimate with was helping so much with not running to porn. I basically used her to advance on my progress with NoFap. Which isnt really the best thing for long term, but it was helping open me up so much again that i couldnt stop aeeing her. The whole time i knew i would end up hurt but was trying to contol the severity of it i guess.
    And the whole time, alot of those feelings you were talking about started to rise to the top, alot of bad memories, realization of how my relationships with others were fading, and how id neglected taking care of my place. Id startes to make huge progress in alot of ways but am realizing there is still so much more room for improvement. I cant thank you enough for your reaponse. Nice to hear from somone who gets it.
     
    Iwannabeme, Aug 28, 2016
    Iwannabeme, Aug 28, 2016
    #3
    Krutonpalmer3 and i_wanna_get_better1 like this.

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