Finally going to visit an escort

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by BetaToAlpha, Feb 26, 2017.

  1. Sam Hell

    Sam Hell Fapstronaut

    Saying something stupid and then saying, "It was just a joke" is classic mansplaining. Making a joke out of an ignorant statement doesn't absolve the ignorance. Especially when the statement itself is a widely and commonly held belief.
  2. freedom457

    freedom457 Fapstronaut

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  3. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

    I never understood the advice "go to clubs" to meet girls. I hate clubs and the people that frequent them and I don't like drunk people. And aside from that, I think we can all agree that a place where you can't hold a conversation for more than a few words and can't really see each other in the dim light is far from ideal to get to know someone.

    It's a cliché platitude and especially unhelpful if you're not a loud, energetic extrovert.
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  4. I was an ambivert and liked being social every day for long hours with smallish groups of people (never really enjoyed completely solitary activities like reading). PMO made me a misanthrope.

    I really feel like some dark energy (repressed sexual energy?) has finally lifted. My abdomen hurts less today/reacts less to stress. I know it's too early to say it but today I felt less socially awckward and tense than usually. I think PMO doesn't help you to channel sexual energy in a healthy way. In fact maybe it turns sexual energy into negativity inside you. I got all kind of mental, physical problems, usually to do with organs in the lower half of the body (lower chakras) like adrenals, digestive system, back pain, etc. So maybe there is some truth to the whole chakra thing. :)

    I'm not saying visiting a prostitute is totally fine, but on the energetic level, it feels more natural. I did cum yesterday, yet today I didn't have more brain fog or got anxious or depressed like usually. I feel more grounded so to say. I don't think it's just because I know in my mind I did the deed, I am more emotional/instinctive than rational, so it must be something energetic. I feel like a grown up, yet I feel that lack of tension I had when I was a kid before I discovered PMO. Like my body doesn't weight a ton and the dark energy is no longer here. I hope and pray this change lasts. A girl checked me out at the library today despite having an O yesterday and that never happens when I've climaxed when alone. Now I can finally wait for love without feeling desperate. And NoFap no longer looks so hard. :)

    Well, I am ditching Astrology, but this about the position of Mars in my chart got my attention:

    "You need to exercise regularly or have a physical outlet for all of your intense energy. You are vulnerable to illness and disease if you continually repress your emotions, sexual urges, and desires."
    Says it all really.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2017
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  5. Solidium

    Solidium Fapstronaut

    I've been in a state where I can't feel strong connection with other, and I'm still in. I alway know what I should do, how I should do to be "normal" but inside my heart feel nothing.
    A perfect life actor.
    Yet I still have girlfriends.
    Yet I still never looking for escort.
    If I can, you can. You might wanna visit some PUA site and have a look at their "inner game", other stuff might help too.
  6. It might sound sappy but if the escort had stayed an hour or two more I think I would have fallen for her. It's weird because she was not my type, I don't usually dig women heavier than me. But the more I spent with her the more I liked her. Is this common for guys or people in general? Can you fall for someone after no love sex?
  7. LonelySunshine

    LonelySunshine Fapstronaut

    PUA is full of fake stuff you don't want to become. 95% of the stuff they tell you doesn't work and the other 5% just attract wrong type of women.
    Vulkan and (deleted member) like this.
  8. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

    Yes. you absolutely can, but it's a very shallow love that isn't lasting. If you look up 'lust', there are different lusts. One is the common use we apply which means sexual desire. But there is a different lust, which means a passion for connection (love), which is temporary and not built on any real circumstances which it can be maintained. In short, that feeling would have eventually faded for you even if you had extended being with her for an hour. (It might have lasted a day, a week, a month). It's the early excitement that can be the start of a relationship, but unfortunately there has to be some grounds for which the relationship can grow, otherwise, it's just 'lust/excitement', and not true love.

    You're feelings are real, and it reflects well that you have them. It's also a good thing that you want to be connected and were with the person you have slept with. Honor that, because that is a good place to be, and that is what separates real partners and relationships from PMO.

    So yes, it's very common for men and women both to feel that way. It doesn't happen every time you sleep with someone, and not everyone you do feel that way will be anyone that you can have a relationship with. But it was a good moment for you. So hang on to it. Virgins who get their first moment, and experience that often try to force recreating it by pushing to be with more people faster, and trying to get them to love you in return. It's not something you can force another person into. (So when I say honor it, and hang on to it, I mean pick your partners slowly and deliberately and don't expect that feeling to come to you immediately if you do engage someone)

    Still, it's an awesome feeling, and I'm excited for you that you got to feel it. I remember my first because of it.
    BetaToAlpha likes this.
  9. Yes I relapsed today and it feels terrible. My body obviously prefers the connection of real sex. O from the sex made me feel refreshed while PM orgasms make me feel physically sick, sexually neutered and depressed. I hate PMO.
  10. Gucci Gang

    Gucci Gang Fapstronaut

    Would really suggest you improve your looks alot facially.

    You most likely are Unattractive

    As 95% of the people here are

    Thst way you can live a better live life and get an attractive girlfriend who is attracted to you

    And loves you.
  11. Onelieatatime

    Onelieatatime Fapstronaut

    Besides what if I wait for Her and I marry her right away, how will I perform in bed when I have no prior experience?[/QUOTE]

    You dont need experience. My husband and I have been together 10 yrs, 5 of that is married. We were virgins when we met and learning everything together has been great. We are so custom to each other. We know what we like and dont like and I just dont think this should be your reason. Yea, we only had 1 true sexual partner. But thats also really special to me as a wife.
  12. Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

    BetatoAlpha, look if you were to look up loneliness in the dictionary you would find my face on there, i'm almost a fucking Hermit for crying out loud. I'm proud to say I AM A 23 Year old VIRGIN, so fucking what, I don't let that define me. I have it EXTREMELY harder than you, I'm diagnosed with Major Depression and I'm a drug and PMO addict, fuck I don't have a single friend other than my own family, just like you I'm "Shy"(plus anxiety from my Depression and PMO habits) bro. I too experience wanting "Intimacy" with woman, but I haven't really thought about hiring an escort or a prostitute, if you are a virgin still, listen to these guys who have hired hookers, even I know losing your virginity to a chick like this that doesn't love you for who you are is plain stupid.
    Also you say women "Put me in the friend zone" brother your game with women must be bad, lucky for you there are books out there that help with that, I'm increasing my game now as I speak. Theres a book called the "Tao Of Badass" thank me later. Also you say you don't approach woman, why do you have anxiety? Also how long have you been clean from PMO? If you're still PMOing that could be the reason why you have anxiety, or do you use any form of drug? Well with personal experience I can tell you that the urge to approach women is a definitely TRUE after you quit PMOing for a while. I'm 47 days clean but I want to approach women more(Even when my Depression and anxiety as a byproduct fuck with me, I lose interest in woman or anything in general because of my Depression).
    Like I said I have it harder than the Average Soul. Listen I could die right now a 23 Year old Virgin and be happy with my life so far, thats word to my creator. My religion and faith keep me going. If you don't have a higher power, I suggest you find something to live for. Life hasn't been easy for me, a kid who was bullied, ostracized, and diagnosed with a mental illness that literally makes me feel fucking empty, something I would never wish on my worst enemy. I used drugs to try to uplift myself from the depression and the only thing that helped was alcohol, I've never felt such Perfect bliss in my life ever, but I couldn't get drunk every day, fuck that. So after that 3 year journey, I quit every drug(Except my meds for depression) look the reason why i'm telling you this is because I'm 1 year and 3 months clean from any abusive drug, I'm 47 days free from PMO, I exercise 4-5 times a week, and I've NEVER felt this way before(not yet blissful like when I drink alcohol though, but I like it) but I still feel shitty sometimes because of my chronic depression that makes me nervous around woman, I want to kill myself every day, I'm in my room 24/7 until I go to school or go out to buy things in order to survive.
    I'm in that "I want a woman" boat with you, but I'm paddling in a way more different direction than you, TRUSt me when I say I had a couple of chances to have sex with some chicks, but I never did, maybe I was too nervous (But I like to think that each and every one of those girls wasn't THE ONE). That book that I recommended opened a whole other world with women I never realized was there. I'm still here brother and I'll be here until its over for me. Stop bullying yourself and help yourself, take it from a depressive who rarely feels happiness. Hope this smacks you up a bit to open your CLOGGED Perception of how you see your world, good luck brother.
    Onelieatatime likes this.
  13. My hormones are crazy. I relapsed today and I feel like crying again. I desperately need TRT. If T can turn a female into a masculine guy it can make me finally complete my puberty and build muscle mass. I hope my doctor is understanding enough, but she's a female so maybe I will break down crying if she doesn't prescribe estrogen blockers at the very least. I've had enough feeling neutered and depressed. I want to finally become a person as I feel like an alien. Not gonna fap for at least a month now, not gonna listen to my prostate cries for release. I have it the worst here as even one relapse makes me lose my gender identity and become asexual. I feel so effeminate I will start referring to my gender as FtM. If one more person asks if I am gay I will say I am into girls which is true but lie that I was born female and I am currently transitioning to male. I can relate to trans men (FtM) struggles. Do you have upper body muscles M23 guy? If yes you have it much better. I have skinny upper body and all my food goes into my butt, thighs and belly as fat. Other guys cannot relate as they have normal hormones. I have estrogen dominance, don't know what went wrong. And since I am not gay I have no love life. Women like masculine guys and I attract lusty gays or bi guys. Do I want too much dreaming about a GF/woman with a cute smile and nice breasts? Why do I have to settle for guys when they don't attract me one bit? Just because I have the T levels of a 50 year old man? Even guys that were smaller and weaker than me in middle school seem older, stronger and more masculine than me and that hurts.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 3, 2017
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  14. Clean Plate

    Clean Plate Fapstronaut

    BetatoAlpha, Maybe it was your fate to meet me, you know how depression KILLS your apetite. Well, my lowest weight was 123Lbs, I maintained this weight for most of my middle school and high school years. That killed my confidence, but you seem to have a lot of negative core belief systems about your self, Now I eat over 9 meals a day and I now weigh 143Lbs. I exercise and eat every two hours my goal is at least 170lb. Trust me if you like girls(think of them sexually as well) youre straight, unless you think of men sexually too your gay or BI.
    Exercise bro, look up videos on youtube start small and work your way up. Remember that book I told you about "THE TAO OF BADASS" well I could tell you alot of the things that the book helped me with but its too much work for me right now, I can only help so much you have to do the rest. Listen PMOing is making you depressed and anxious etc, you might be very delusional. I know its hard not getting on the computer and watching Beautiful women go into action, but that SHIT IS HURTING YOU BAD, I can tell by the things you're saying. If you think you can't stop PMOing then GO TO A TREATMENT CENTER so they can HELP YOU NOW!!! REMEMBER WORK ON ONE THING AT A TIME, don't worry about your gender identity right now, TRUST ME as soon as you get a couple of weeks clean from PMO it might start to clear your mind and the mood swings you have. Think about this don't joke around, We all have different problems here I see that now, but I'll help you as best as I can in some form, anyway GOD BLESS YOU BRO.
  15. Ridingsplosh

    Ridingsplosh New Fapstronaut

  16. SpiritualWarrior

    SpiritualWarrior Fapstronaut

    Haven't read all the posts in this thread, but I just can't warn enough from the dangers of paid sex.

    There is no need for a man to work on self-improvement, no need to acquire status symbols, or to have a tidy home to impress a prostitute. Why take the time to solve problems, gain muscles and work on character and spend (sometimes a lot of) time to get to know a woman when you can get sex right away, right? This shortcut seems too seductive. But the very same addiction mechanism of instant gratification applies for paid sex like for porn. Your brain craves for it and you give what it wants.

    If you consider this as a remedy for depression be warned too. The depression will be reinforced tenfold after that and your self-esteem will plummet. Hence it will be even more difficult to approach "a real" women.
  17. LonelySunshine

    LonelySunshine Fapstronaut

    If there is no way of someone to get sex then paid way is the only way. Ether that or fapping. Not everyone can win women, remember that. You can work on yourself all you want, but if you are ugly no girl will want you. Also no money = no girl = no sex.
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  18. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

    I won't argue the pro's and con's of prostitution. (I've tried to line it up in my own head, and the arguments just fade the deeper I got into it)

    The truth is that yes it does create a environment for women which doesn't allow them to grow or be respected for anything other than sexual abilities. Can some women cope with that, sure. Others, no. (the reality is that us arguing it here will have zero impact in those women lives though, unless we are willing to go and and support women's education, and movements to free women from abuse.)

    From the male perspective, we all approach sex on different terms. It's wrong to think of sex as a prize that can be purchased by status, or achievement. To do so, fails to recognize that two humans are involved, and it's meant to be a gift shared in connection with each other. However, the real world is that not every sexual act is based on connection, nor has any real meaning attached to. And honestly, we all have to expend some kind of effort/time, monetary expense, or other material aspects, to create an environment in which sex can be done comfortably and safely.

    My concern was more for the OP. His mental state seemed to be rather inwardly focused, and extremely vulnerable with doubts of his own worth, and lack of connection with people. While yes a sexual encounter (his first) might have 'kicked out the cobwebs', there was danger that it could equally be damaging as emptiness and a 'lack of meaning' might have rushed in. There is a reason we see relationships with underage women/men as wrong. It's not because their bodies aren't capable of processing the experience, its because they don't have the emotional and mental defense mechanisms to allow them empowered choices, and to ensure they have the ability to emotional process the experiences without being defined by it. In this case, the OP was a mature male (far from a child), but his mental state was very vulnerable. It was his choice, and not for me to judge, but I saw it as very risky and wanted to assist to make sure he made a empowered decision instead of a vulnerable one.

    I do wish that we could have a system in our culture where a mature mentor was allowed to 'teach us' through hands on experience what real sex meant, once at a certain age. But that would mean that we had arrived to a point where we knew what sex was. It would take out the doubts and worries, and the mentor could be honored as valued teacher, instead of a monetarily motivated servant. While I've heard that some ancient tribes of people used to do this, I know of no culture that does this today. I have heard that well paid/expensive escorts can offer this kind of positive experience (but that isn't a commonly available for everyone). (We just don't have this kind of system to us, so I guess for some prostitution is the only substitute they can arrive at)

    In any case, he has made his choices, and found what meaning he could. This is closed issue at this point.
  19. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

    Thank you...I don't understand why people don't understand that...

    Because some of us won't be liked by women even if we improve ourselves, accquire status symbols, tidy our homes, gain muscle or work on our character.
  20. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

    I think visiting a prostitute is risky. Not just STDs but that's not really a safe and glamorous world. There's mafia and crime involved.

    There are other sources of joy than sex. Music, eating, gardening, reading, binge watching big bang theory, bungee jumping etc.
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