Finally Moving Forward ~Rachie's Journal

Seriously, what is the deal with that? I travel a lot for work and you're absolutely right. Whenever I'm at the airport, I look around and it's like I'm waiting for a yoga flash mob to break out.

 

I can 100% relate to this. I still don’t initiate. We only have sex when he initiates be I am afraid of rejection. Or if for some reason I do initiate then I think he isn’t really interested and is just pacifying me so I don’t get upset.

Ugh..anyway another thing that came to mind is he might be flatlining and testing it by being all over you. We went through this. He was tired, grouchy and seemed like he did when he was PMOing but it turned out to be flatline. That then freaks them out and they want to make sure things still work so they touch all up on you...then leave you wanting and again...frustrated!

Sry it all sucks. The whole process. I hope Your guy keeps up on his motivation though. My guy didn’t...

 

No you’re not crazy. Some things will trigger you differently at different times. This all changes. There will different levels of understanding at different levels of recovery I think. My guy relapsed w M at one point and I wasn’t as angry as maybe I thought I’d be because he was honest. I think being honest didn’t give him a pass necessarily bc if he continued to relapse regardless of honesty I would become increasingly upset about it. This is your journey and you will travel it the way you travel it. No right or wrong way of doing this imo.

 

I think everyone would respond differently. For me, lying makes me much more upset than anything else. But for you, I can see why you are relieved because you thought he might be PMOing again, which would be lying plus all that other stuff as well. I don't think you are in la-la-land! I think all responses to this would be valid.

 

I agree... It could be relief.
Like if you thought it was worse or a binge?
And it's just a picture.
Just shows (cuz of gaslighting)
How bad the addiction is.
But now u know what to watch out for.
So this itself is progress!

 

Or maybe good news.
You never know.

 

What do you want

Are you OK with the mess up or are yo just ttrying to perfect others because he wanted to

 

We did this EXACT same thing in the beginning! After 90 is my second Journal. I talk about this in my first. But basically for the whole month of June we resumed having sex without him O only me. I was happy at first because we had lots more sex and he seemed so into me but eventually we started allowing him O's too and it sort of went back to normal..sort of. Reboot doesn't have to be "Hard" mode exactly it is still reboot if he refrains from just PM or technically even just P. The fastest results are from no PMO but if O only with Spouse/GF so that they reprogram yourself to you.

Your journey is unique and individual but many of us have similarities. I feel like I've made plenty of mistakes in our journey. I think its just trial and error just wish it was easier!

 

So sorry to hear that @Rachie. I was just talking with someone today about how, as the PA, I recently reached a point of powerlessness concerning the future of my marriage..I wrote:
"I feel like I reached a place of powerlessness regarding my marriage [whether it ends up in reconciliation or divorce] ... Not hopelessness! - just accepting that the outcome is out of my control. (not totally true--I can easily SABOTAGE my marriage by being bad / acting out / etc.)"

Drawing your attention to the line in green....I am so sorry that it appears you PA is sabotaging your marriage. My heart goes out to you.

 

Sry Rachie the whole thing just sucks! All of it! I hope he makes it right for you and your marriage. You’re strong hang in there and we are here for you! *hugs*